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It's really not safe! I did a report on causes of infant death, and this one is definitely up there. My friend knows a couple who actually did suffocate their baby this way :(.
We co-sleep. It's great! At first, we had Addie in a co-sleeper, but moved her to our bed in a sleep positioner when she was about 3 months old. We ditched the sleep positioner a little while ago, after the safety recall. Now we have a mesh guard up on one side of the bed, and she sleeps between the guard and me, with my husband on my other side. I hope we'll continue to co-sleep until she's at least a year old, but we're playing it by ear. If it becomes undesirable to any of us, we'll stop co-sleeping then.
There's a lot of benefits to co-sleeping: newborns often sleep better with the physical comfort of their parent(s) especially in the first few months, co-sleeping mothers and babies sync their sleeping patterns making it easier to fully wake up in the middle of the night to attend to baby, it makes frequent night wakings easier since you don't have to get out of bed to breastfeed, it's easier for nervous parents (like myself) to check up on a sleeping baby multiple times a night without too much interrupted sleep, etc... Having said that, not everyone (parents and babies alike) are into co-sleeping, and that's ok, too. It works for our family, but it doesn't work for everybody.
If you decide to co-sleep, it's important to do your safety research first. Co-sleeping can be done safely, but you have to create a safe environment for your baby. Rolling over/smothering your baby is actually pretty rare, and even then it's more likely that a father will roll over the baby than a mother. Usually, accidents happen when people aren't sleeping safely with their baby, like sleeping with their baby on a couch, or using drugs/alcohol before getting into bed. If you take all the necssary precautions, it can be very safe and even enjoyable for babies and parents! Here's some links about safe co-sleeping:
I met this guy at a bar who was a firefighter and he said that they answer MANY calls about parents who smothered their baby by accident, by having the baby in the bed with them.
He said you would be shocked at how many times this happens! Scary!
I'll just point out this link to the CPSC's 1999 report on co-sleeping. In looking at the report, 121 infant deaths occurred over 7 years from parents rolling over their babies. That's a little over 17 babies per year. If you look at the link, more babies died of entrapment while co-sleeping than "overlaying" (a parent rolling over them).
Absolutely, even 17 deaths a year are sad and tragic, but what these statistics don't tell you is how many parents were unsafely co-sleeping when these deaths occurred. How many parents were under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time, making them less aware of their babies' positions? How many of them were fathers, who are statistically less likely be safe co-sleepers because they're less aware of the baby than mothers are? Co-sleeping can be safe, but once again, it's up to parents to make it a safe environment first. If parents don't take the necessary precautions, they are absolutely puting their babies at a higher risk.
As Mrs. Spring pointed out, there are also ways of co-sleeping that don't involve your kid being in your actual bed, so I think some of the popularity of "co-sleeping" that you're hearing about isn't necessary the way you might picture it.
We definitely don't have a safe setup to bring a kid into our bed (bed is in the middle of the room, dog jumps on bed, etc.) but I think we're going to go the co-sleeper route, which would protect a kid from my husband's flailing limbs and my dog's morning breath.
The U.S.A. is one of the only countries that DOESN'T cosleep, yet we have the highest rate of SIDS. In other countries, it is the norm to cosleep and infant death rate due to suffocation/SIDs is much lower. DH is writing his thesis on cosleeping and the fact that Americans all think or hear that it is unsafe, but that it is cultural and every study has shown it to be safe UNLESS the parents have alcohol or drugs in their system. As women we have the instinct to sleep in a certain position with a baby and will not roll over onto it in the night. It's great for breastfeeding too because you can feed throughout the night which is better for baby digestion and sleep patterns. We don't have children yet, but when we do we plan to cosleep. It's not a matter of safety, just a matter of culture. But whatever you're comfortable with is the way to go!
@Mrs. Spring, thanks for the info! some websites show co-sleeping as literally, babies snuggled up in moms arms, sleeping peacefully. But it seems that is not the case since they make little sleeper bed and whatnot.
I rolled over onto one of my cats once. whoops
@Mrs. Spring: So the co-sleeper thing is basically a crib that sits right next to your bed? That's actually really cool. :)
The reports I had seen were just babies laying in parents' arms, which doesn't seem nearly as safe!
@ ejs - Lol! I can't tell you how many times I've rolled over or kicked my dogs in my sleep (back when they used to sleep in bed with us). I've never once even come close to rolling over Addie, though. :) We take a lot more precautions with the baby than we did with the dogs!
ETA: We really liked the co-sleeper, but at some point Addie decided she had enough of it, so we moved her into bed with us. Co-sleepers are awesome, though, and a very safe way to be close to your baby at night without actually bedsharing!
This is a very sad story about this exact subject. A very dear member of my family took a nap in the bed with her infact son. She rolled on top of him. She continued to sleep on top of him for what has been approximated at 6 minutes. Her son suffered severe brain damage due to this. He was on a breathing and feeding tube for over a year after the incident. He is 6 now and is non-verbal and the family will be dealing with the effects of this for his lifetime. The parents have since been divorced siting that the experience feeded a lot of guilt, shame, and blaming in their relationship.
I know that not all situations will end up this way and that this is just one case, but an exhausted mother with a newborn, may not realize what is happening around them.
@Mrs Spring, what size bed do you have? We have a queen and it's already a little snug considering we don't sleep very straight but sort of "butts out" if that makes sense.
I guess i'm curious now, too--is co-sleeping in the same bed, or in a basinett type thing right NEXT to your bed?
Thanks laides! That really opened up my eyes. I like the idea of being able to sleep with baby in the bed but it not be directly say in your arms so the chance of rolling over and hurting them is much less. This makes much more sense.
@ ejs - We have a California King. A queen would be too small for us, since my husband is a pretty big guy (6'3" and over 200 pounds).
As far as terms go, there's a lot of variance in what is correct:
co-sleeping - can mean anything from having the child in the same room with you in a crib or bassinet to the baby literally sleeping in your arms. It's the most general, wide-covering term.
room-sharing - specifically refers to sharing a room (but not a bed) with the child. The baby could be in a crib, a bassinet, a pack n' play, etc... but isn't in the parents' bed.
bed-sharing - means the baby is actually in bed with the parents or is in a co-sleeper like the one I linked.
side-caring - is a term used for pushing the crib against the bed like a co-sleeper. Sometimes parents also remove the fourth side of the crib so it's literally just like a co-sleeper.
I read this article about this poor woman who has accidentally killed two of her babies by suffocating them due to co-sleeping. While I don't have any kids, I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable sleeping w/ my baby in my arms, at my side, etc.
We co-bedded until very recently. I read a very helpful book about co-sleeping which helped us implement safety measures so we could do it safely. Co-sleeping makes sense, especially if you're breastfeeding.
I used to be a nanny and the last family I worked for had their son sleep in bed with them. Nothing ever happened at night while the parents were in bed. But once when they were letting him nap alone during the day on the bed he fell out. And when this baby cries a lot or is so upset, he passes out. It was a big ordeal. But because he was so used to sleeping with his parents he refuses to sleep in the crib.
I do not think I would feel comfortable with my baby in my bed, ever. I think it is healthy and safe to have them near, but not in the same bed, because I am a wild toss and turner.
I come from a Dutch background and this is just the norm for us. I co-slept as a baby as so did all my cousins. Yes, you need to do it safely, but I think that mother's also have some instincts that those of us without children don't yet have with regards to where ther baby is. Also, in my experience as a vet I can't say that I have not seen many (or any, really) clear cut occurences of mothers suffocating their offspring in intelligent animals like cats, dogs or horses - it's in their nature to know where their young are. And for us it's a GREAT way to bond and ensure that your child is safe and happy throughout the night.
I had to come back to post now that I'm on a computer and not a BB.
DO NOTE BEDSHARE IF:
The highest risk factor in bedsharing is not in fact rolling over on your baby, but entrapment. A crib is designed (and regulated by law) to be safe for your baby. The mattress must be firm and fit snugly to the frame, etc. That is not the case with an adult bed. Most babies actually die from entrapment (falling between the mattress and wall, headboard, footboard, or whatever is against the mattress).
^Adapted from "Sleeping with Your Baby: A Paren't Guide to Cosleeping" by James J. McKenna, PhD
Bedsharing is practiced throughout the rest of the world because it makes sense when you are breastfeeding. A BF baby wakes more often for feedings. Also, a BF baby is naturally placed on their back to sleep. (How would you feed them if they were lying on their tummy?) Thus the "Back to Sleep" idea being obvious to those who BF and bedshare. SIDS risk is also reduced because a baby bedsharing (and co-sleeping too!) remains in a more alert state of sleep (REM sleep) than those sleeping in a crib in a separate room.
My mom yelled at me, repeatedly, for bedsharing. She insisted I would kill my child. It makes me laugh because there is just no way that would happen. I don't sleep soundly anymore, I'm always slightly alert, so any movement/sound at all by MB and I'm awake. Plus I'm lying on my side facing her with my arm out. You just CANNOT roll forward in that position. DH almost rolled over onto her once in the very beginning, and that was the last time we put her in between us. Then I read the above referenced book, rearranged our bedroom, and now I'm very comfortable with it.
(For some reason I feel the need to put a disclaimer: I'm passing absolutely no judgement on those who do not co-sleep/bedshare. There are MANY safe ways to arrange your family, and each mother can make her own informed decision!)
@ MS - My mom is all about co-sleeping, but my parents are kinda hippies. :) However, I do get the, "you really shouldn't have stopped BF-ing" comments often.
@Mrs. Spring: UGH. Yeah, like that was just SO MUCH FUN for you?? Moms are funny. I think they just want us to do better than they did (even if they did a pretty good job!). My mom was in the Crib Camp all the way, and she just doesn't comprehend bedsharing.
I could never co-sleep, not because I disagree with it, but that I'm just not comfortable with it. For one, it just wouldn't work for us at all. We share a twin bed, my husband is a heavy sleeper (I'm not), and at the end of the day, the last thing I want is Yuuki in the room with me. I like my space, so having her in the same room would be too much for me. I like being able to put her in her crib, walk out of the room, and have some privacy in my own. I wouldn't get any sleep if she was nearby.
If you feel comfortable co-sleeping, good for you. If it works for your family, really, who is anyone to judge?
We co-sleep and don't plan on stopping anytime soon. My husband and I are hyper-aware of his presence in bed. We would probably roll out of bed before we rolled on him. That's just us though... I love snuggling with him all night long and I personally wouldn't be comfortable with him in another room. For folks who are uncomfortable with the idea of bed-sharing, but still want sleep with your baby you can always get a side car like Mrs. Spring said.
I'm not a mom yet, but I would worry about the safety for our family. DH sleeps SO soundly and doesn't remember anything that happens between when he first starts dozing and when his alarm goes off. He also tosses and turns. He's not at all obese, but is 6'6" 240lbs. We share a california king bed, but he really uses all of his half of the bed. I think we'll look more towards having a bassinet or co-sleeper next to the bed.
I always wonder about things that us American typically do differently than other countries and still have worse results (natural childbirth/home births, co sleeping, drinking alcohol, eating certain foods)...
Our son slept in a little crib beside the bed for the first 2 months (for night time feedings) and then it was off to his own room. I think co-sleeping is great for couples that want to do it but it definitely wasnt for me. I have always felt like our bedroom is like a martial place and I dont want my child sharing that part. I wouldnt care if he came in in the morning and crawled into bed but I like that he is comfortable in his own room (he is two and a bit). Many of my friends still continue to share their beds with their children up into 5, 6, 7 years old and for me its just not an option. I want the bed to be a place for me and my husband - but that is completely just for me and my husband and what we are comfortable with. I always love subjects like this because I love seeing how different everyones families are!!!
I breast-fed my daughter and we frequently slept together inthe same bed. Not all the time but often enough. Humans have been doing it for millions of years.
We co-bed. I always counsel parents to do it safely. NO co-bedding with alcohol on board. NO covers near the baby etc.
We co-slept with our daughter for the first week she was home. I'm a really light sleeper and any little wimper from her, I was immediately wide awake. I never rolled onto her or even came close to doing so. Now, if she were between my fiance and I, I would worry because he is the soundest sleeper on earth and wouldn't know if he rolled onto her. But I kept her close to me and we faced away from him so he couldn't roll on her.
I liked sleeping with her like this and I did plenty of research on it beforehand. I missed it after we started putting her in her bassinet.
@MightySapphire: Thanks for including info from Dr. McKenna! He was my undergraduate research advisor and I was surprised it took as long as it did for his name to crop up on this board since he's an expert on this topic!
Dr. McKenna explained it to me like this, which I thought made a ton of sense: Co-sleeping isn't always safe for every person in every situation. But at the same time, neither is driving a car. You wouldn't drive while under the influence of alcohol, or without a seat belt, or on the wrong side of the road, etc. Similarly, you shouldn't co-sleep in certain situations like on a couch, while intoxicated, etc. It's a pretty good comparison... some education and a few steps to avoid common problems usually results in a really beneficial sleeping system for both parents and child!
I've always felt like putting a newborn in a crib in a separate room made less sense than having the baby near the mom. My mom had all of us kids in a bassinet right next to the bed when we were infants, and moved us to cribs in our own rooms when we were a little older and starting to sleep through the night. It wasn't an easy transition but we made it! I think we'll do something similar with our babies, maybe a co-sleeper that attaches to the side of the bed so I don't even have to get up but the baby is still safe.
I thought of this thread this morning when I woke up to someone yanking on my hair... really hard. I looked over to see my baby reaching out for me and then he gave me the biggest, widest toothless grin I've ever seen. Ah, the pros and cons of co-sleeping!
I think we'll end up just doing a bassinet by the bed. My biggest worry is not that I'll smother the baby, it is a fear, but I'm fairly confident in my ability to wake myself up. We used to foster really young puppies and some of them came from really terrible little situations and were just terrified for the first few days so my husband and I slept with these little furballs until they had enough comfort and developed self-confidance to sleep on the own. But some nights I was so self-conscious about making sure I'd wake up and not crush these littlle 3 lb creatures that I'd sleep very lightly and it wasn't quality sleep. So for my sleep and sanity I'm going to have the baby close enough that I don't have to get up to breastfeed but just reach over, but not in the bed so I don't sleep too lightly.
I'm not a Mom but hoping to be one someday soon. I can see the advantages of sharing your bed with your baby, however I wouldn't be able to do it. The risks for me are just way too high! So high, it's worth a the convenience of waking-up and having my baby already there for feeding.
However, I do plan to have a basinet next to the bed for a few months before eventually having the baby in a crib.
I am VERY against the baby sleeping with the parents. We always had our son in his own bed. Especially as an infant, they can't move the blanket when its over their face or your arm if that somehow gets over their face or the millions of other hazzards in your bed. Just wayyyy to risky! For the first few months our son slept in a cradle right next to me. Even while he was in that I still was scared to death of him not being able to breathe for some reason.
I LOVE that new thing they came out with that allows the baby to be able to be in bed with you. I still wont use it because I reallllly don't want our next baby to get attached to sleeping in our bed. It takes kids FOREVER to outgrow sleeping in mommy and daddys bed! (I know because my parents made the mistake of letting me sleep with them!)
I am curious if anyone ever heard about peoples pets laying on the babys face while sleeping?? Thats scares me more then anything! I heard that pets think they are protecting the child by doing this? I'm not sure what to think about that....
@ MissFlipFlops - That's why it's so important to create a safe sleeping environment for your baby, whether co-sleeping or not! There should never be blankets, pillows, etc... in your bed or in a crib. Also, I think it really depends on the kid if they have problems transitioning to their own bed; all of my sisters and I co-slept, and we all transitioned very easily to our beds between 1.5 and 2 years old. Maybe you were more stubborn than we were! Lol!
I don't know anything about pets lying on babies, but pets and older children should never sleep in the same bed as infants. Pets shouldn't even be left unattended with infants/toddlers, just because something could happen. Addie loves our dogs (and they love her!) but I would never allow them to be in the same room unattended; it just seems like an avoidable risk!
@MissFlipFlops:I've heard of cats getting into cribs with infants, which is harder to control since they're more mobile than dogs (i.e., if the door is open, it's often not that hard for them to get into the crib itself). It's a lot harder for a dog to do that, but, as Mrs. Spring points out, it's just another reason to ensure that infants are never left unattended around pets, and that pets can't access the infant's immediate sleeping area (crib or area of the parents' bed). We'll never share a bed with our kid because our dog is used to getting in there, but we're planning on having the baby in our room for a while in a separate (and dog-inaccessible) area (like his own crib or bassinet or whatever).
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I don't have a child of my own, but I see or hear about mothers/fathers sleeping with their babies in bed with them. I guess I always thought that was scary as I would be afraid of rolling over on my baby.
I'm just curious if it's safe? Only because I see it so much.
(Hoping we can keep this a drama free post)