(Closed) Baby spoiling?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My baby isn’t here yet, but I’ve thought about this some already, especially because we’ve had quite a few friends give birth in the past year so I’ve had the chance to be around a bunch of babies. 

From what I’ve observed, most babies seem pretty darn helpless for the first 3-4 months. But when you think about it, for the past 9 months, they’ve been held and fed on demand for 24 hours a day. So coming into the world and suddenly not having this connection with you might be really difficult for some babies. While it might seem like you are spoiling him, you’re actually spending far less time than you were previously. 

But honestly, you just have to do what you feel is right. If you think that your child needs to be held more often then not, then go with that instinct. Maybe your baby needs some more time adjusting being out the womb than another baby. I don’t think the majority of people start trying to sleep train infants until they’re at least 4 months, so take your time if you need it. Just don’t underestimate his ability to self soothe and take that away from him, either. You know him better than anyone!

Post # 4
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Have you tired baby wearing? especially wearing him on your back like the guy in the photo? My husband is west african and I have seen many of them carry their babies on their back and it allows the baby to feel close to you  but also lets them be a bit independent because they arent always making eye contact with you can other things can catch their attention. Plus it allows him to fall asleep upright and reduce his acid reflux.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I don’t think it’s possible to spoil a newborn baby, or even infant. Like PP said, he was in your womb for 9 months and being out in the world is such a shock for him. he just wants to be close to your warmth, smells, and the sound of your heartbeat 🙂 add to that acid reflux and it’s probably just that much more difficult for him to adjust. i think needing to be held a lot for those first 3 or 4 months is really common.

Ditto baby wearing. it can be a great way to hold your baby a lot and also get things done around the house. it also helps to maintain that close bond as he gets older. a moby is great for babies under about 15 lbs and is super comfy. now that my son is 8 months, i carry him in my beco carrier around the house sometimes cause he’s really curious and loves to watch me cook and straighten up. alot of baby specialty stores that carry baby carriers will let you come in and have a fitting to try a few on and see which will work best for you.

Post # 6
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Your family’s advice is based on the childrearing theories popularized by Dr Spock in the middle of the last century. That guy was a wack-a-doo whose theories have been disproven, so IGNORE THEM! You cannot “spoil” a baby. Follow your instincts and hold him whenever you want. The ergo carrier is awesome for this.

Post # 7
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with all the PP’s.  Holding and soothing your baby when he cries makes him feel like he can trust you to take care of him, and it helps him learn that the world is a safe place where his needs are considered.  Your instincts to pick him up are correct, as instincts usually are. 

I also think babywearing makes a happy baby and is easier for the Mom. 

Post # 8
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

There is no such thing as spoiling a baby within the first year of life!  So please do hold your baby and do the baby wearing as PP said!

Post # 9
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

A 3 month old can’t be spoiled. They are defenseless and depend on you for security, babies should be held as much as possible and there’s a lot of psychological evidence to support that. A lot of people subscribe to the idea of “crying it out” but it’s a really dangerous child rearing theory that hopefully will fall completely out of favor, as it causes life-long psychological harm. (I’m not suggesting that’s what you’re doing by putting him down a bit, of course you get tired, but don’t listen to people who advise you to let him cry it out)

 

Post # 10
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Baby wearing–that’s my advice too!

Post # 11
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My MIL is making me a mei-tei carrier. I found the directions online. I am hoping it helps with my DS wanting to be constantly held.

Post # 12
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

OP: I totally believe int he tough love method—I tihnk your son is too young for that method right now!  I say, you are NOT spoiling him. How do I know this? 

1. I have terrible acid reflux and believe me: It is so very very painful. I can’t sleep some nights and my diet is very limited. My mom says I was a heathen when I was a baby because all I did was cry because of it. So, don’t take A/R lightly…it sucks! Poor baby:(((

2. I babysat a 5 week old infant for an entire summer when I was 16 once…and he had A/R and even though he took medicine…he was in constant pain all day. He couldn’t even sleep in a crib laying down…he had to be propped up in a swing or else his throat would burn and sting. It was horrible for me (physically demanding) but I knew that poor baby was going through a hard time and I don’t consider catering to a baby’s MEDICAL needs as spoiling him/her.

I would recommend a carrier like a PP posted a pic of and a high chair so that he can sit upright sometimes while you are too busy to use both hands to hold him. Good luck with everything!

 

Post # 13
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Just want to throw in my 2 cents as a student of child development. It is impossible to spoil a 3 month old child. Do what you feel is best, Mama. =]

Post # 14
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with everyone – and if you haven’t already, check out “Happiest Baby on the Block”. It provides some good tips for calming a fussy (colicky) baby that will hopefully also give you some relief!

Post # 15
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Have you tried a swing?  Maybe the motion and being upright would soothe him.  My friend’s baby used to love to sleep in hers, long after she outgrew it. 

 

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