Post # 1
Curious to get others thoughts on this. DS is almost 3 months. He has acid reflux which makes him very uncomfortable and fussy. Some days are worse than others. He needs constant motion to be soothed and not crying. He loves to be held, he only likes to do playtime on his tummy and back for about an hour and then wants to be held the rest of the day. He also wants to be held standing up, if I sit down he cries, if I put him in his carseat and go somewhere in the car he cries.
It gets tiring as I need to put him down at times, and when I do he goes into fits, if I don’t pick him up right away he will have a meltdown, which normally lasts for an hour of just crying even though I am holding. I can’t let him cry to long before that happens.
My Mom and my Grandmom keep saying that I am spoiling him and creating a monster, that I need to just let him cry, that he is going to have issues if I keep this up.
My feeling is that is still very young and does not know how to self soothe himself yet, I don’t want to always be holding him but I don’t want him to cry hysterically for hours.
Any thoughts on the spoiling or crying it out at 3 months?
Post # 3
My baby isn’t here yet, but I’ve thought about this some already, especially because we’ve had quite a few friends give birth in the past year so I’ve had the chance to be around a bunch of babies.
From what I’ve observed, most babies seem pretty darn helpless for the first 3-4 months. But when you think about it, for the past 9 months, they’ve been held and fed on demand for 24 hours a day. So coming into the world and suddenly not having this connection with you might be really difficult for some babies. While it might seem like you are spoiling him, you’re actually spending far less time than you were previously.
But honestly, you just have to do what you feel is right. If you think that your child needs to be held more often then not, then go with that instinct. Maybe your baby needs some more time adjusting being out the womb than another baby. I don’t think the majority of people start trying to sleep train infants until they’re at least 4 months, so take your time if you need it. Just don’t underestimate his ability to self soothe and take that away from him, either. You know him better than anyone!
Post # 4
Have you tired baby wearing? especially wearing him on your back like the guy in the photo? My husband is west african and I have seen many of them carry their babies on their back and it allows the baby to feel close to you but also lets them be a bit independent because they arent always making eye contact with you can other things can catch their attention. Plus it allows him to fall asleep upright and reduce his acid reflux.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s possible to spoil a newborn baby, or even infant. Like PP said, he was in your womb for 9 months and being out in the world is such a shock for him. he just wants to be close to your warmth, smells, and the sound of your heartbeat 🙂 add to that acid reflux and it’s probably just that much more difficult for him to adjust. i think needing to be held a lot for those first 3 or 4 months is really common.
Ditto baby wearing. it can be a great way to hold your baby a lot and also get things done around the house. it also helps to maintain that close bond as he gets older. a moby is great for babies under about 15 lbs and is super comfy. now that my son is 8 months, i carry him in my beco carrier around the house sometimes cause he’s really curious and loves to watch me cook and straighten up. alot of baby specialty stores that carry baby carriers will let you come in and have a fitting to try a few on and see which will work best for you.
Post # 6
Your family’s advice is based on the childrearing theories popularized by Dr Spock in the middle of the last century. That guy was a wack-a-doo whose theories have been disproven, so IGNORE THEM! You cannot “spoil” a baby. Follow your instincts and hold him whenever you want. The ergo carrier is awesome for this.
Post # 7
I agree with all the PP’s. Holding and soothing your baby when he cries makes him feel like he can trust you to take care of him, and it helps him learn that the world is a safe place where his needs are considered. Your instincts to pick him up are correct, as instincts usually are.
I also think babywearing makes a happy baby and is easier for the Mom.
Post # 8
There is no such thing as spoiling a baby within the first year of life! So please do hold your baby and do the baby wearing as PP said!
Post # 9
A 3 month old can’t be spoiled. They are defenseless and depend on you for security, babies should be held as much as possible and there’s a lot of psychological evidence to support that. A lot of people subscribe to the idea of “crying it out” but it’s a really dangerous child rearing theory that hopefully will fall completely out of favor, as it causes life-long psychological harm. (I’m not suggesting that’s what you’re doing by putting him down a bit, of course you get tired, but don’t listen to people who advise you to let him cry it out)
Post # 10
Baby wearing–that’s my advice too!
Post # 11
My MIL is making me a mei-tei carrier. I found the directions online. I am hoping it helps with my DS wanting to be constantly held.
Post # 12
OP: I totally believe int he tough love method—I tihnk your son is too young for that method right now! I say, you are NOT spoiling him. How do I know this?
1. I have terrible acid reflux and believe me: It is so very very painful. I can’t sleep some nights and my diet is very limited. My mom says I was a heathen when I was a baby because all I did was cry because of it. So, don’t take A/R lightly…it sucks! Poor baby:(((
2. I babysat a 5 week old infant for an entire summer when I was 16 once…and he had A/R and even though he took medicine…he was in constant pain all day. He couldn’t even sleep in a crib laying down…he had to be propped up in a swing or else his throat would burn and sting. It was horrible for me (physically demanding) but I knew that poor baby was going through a hard time and I don’t consider catering to a baby’s MEDICAL needs as spoiling him/her.
I would recommend a carrier like a PP posted a pic of and a high chair so that he can sit upright sometimes while you are too busy to use both hands to hold him. Good luck with everything!
Post # 13
Just want to throw in my 2 cents as a student of child development. It is impossible to spoil a 3 month old child. Do what you feel is best, Mama. =]
Post # 14
I agree with everyone – and if you haven’t already, check out “Happiest Baby on the Block”. It provides some good tips for calming a fussy (colicky) baby that will hopefully also give you some relief!
Post # 15
Have you tried a swing? Maybe the motion and being upright would soothe him. My friend’s baby used to love to sleep in hers, long after she outgrew it.
Post # 16
I just got Happiest Baby on the Block, we are doing a lot of what it recommends, but I do think it’s the AR that causes a lot of this.
I def do agree that you can’t spoil a baby, and I don’t believe in the cry out now and I don’t know if I will later on either.
It jut amazes me how the older generation thinks, my FIL came and visited this weekend and he kept saying just let the baby fuss, you don’t always have to pick him up, and he would get annoyed when he would hold the baby the wrong way and he would cry. So I would correct him how to hold him and he wouldn’t do it, he felt he didn’t need to give into the needs of the baby. So I would take the baby away from him when he cried and he would stop right away, and then it was oh your spoiling him and he stops crying when you hold you him. It’s just fustrating to hear that a lot and that people don’t respect your thoughts on how to raise your child.