- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I’ve been itching to post this birth story for the last couple days, but had to wait until we got home to do so. Talk about first world problems, but how can hospitals not have wi-fi? I mean, really. 😛
I apologize for the length!
Anyway, on Tuesday, which was my due date none-the-less, I updated the my thread asking for opinions on my birth plan. I was afraid the doctor would shake his head and think I was some hippie dippie and try and pressure me into inducing. But my fears were put to rest, because he was completely on board with all my requests and was fine with waiting longer to get things moving. I was ecstatic!
I left with a appointment to come back for a NST.
For the past several weeks I had been silently pleading, “Please, don’t let TODAY be the day I go into labor!” I felt like there were just too many loose ends to tie up until I would be “ready.” Well, at the prospect of an induction looming overhead, I decided that whenever baby was ready to make his appearance was a-okay by me, dirty dishes and half planned freezer meals be damned. So I figured I’d try out some old wives tale, since what could it hurt? We ordered hot wings and jalapenos for supper, had sex, I danced to and from the bathroom (which, of course, amounted to dozens of dancing trips).
By 10pm I was so restless that I decided I would just run to the grocery store to pick up a few things. At this point I was having some contractions that felt like verrry mild period cramps. My doctor fondly calls these “sissy contractions” and I had been having them on-and-off for the last month, so I didn’t think anything of them. By the time I got home, around 11:45pm, I was convinced these weren’t contractions, they were bathroom cramps (damned jalapenos!). I wasn’t dancing to the bathroom any longer, but running.
After about an hour of this, I was still having cramping, but no longer using the bathroom. When I would sit on the toilet, I would pee, but I couldn’t tell if I was peeing or having watery discharge. DH was astounded that I couldn’t tell if I was peeing or leaking and, you know, you would THINK that’s something you could pinpoint, but apparently not. When I went back the next time I was spotting. This concerned me, so at 1am I called the doctor and the doctor on call called me back, very sleepily, and advised me to go in and get checked. I decided to get a shower first and at 1:30am we left, me feeling unconvinced that this was anything and that they would be sending us home.
I had been 3 .5 cm dilated and 90% effaced for a month now. At my appointment that morning I had gone up to 4 cm. When we got to the hospital we were taken into one of the L&D rooms and I was given a hospital gown. I had bought a Pretty Pushers gown to wear instead and brought that out to tell them I would be wearing this instead. Nurse A thought it was awesome. Nurse B did not and wasn’t going to let me wear it until I showed her how it opened for easy access and promised that if I decided on an epidural, I would change into the standard gown.
At 2:30am we were admitted with a confirmation that my bag of waters had a high leak and I was, indeed, having contractions. At this point I didn’t need any convincing as the contractions had become more intense. These weren’t “sissy contractions” – I couldn’t talk through them and was becoming more vocalized. But they weren’t intolerable. It was weird, though, I thought – when I had imagined what it would feel like, I thought I would feel the contractions throughout my whole abdomen. But the contractions were very localized in my lower stomach and cervix. They were mostly painful in my cervix. While I was in bed getting the baseline for the fetal monitoring, I was dying to get up. Laying down on my back was 20x more painful that it was when I was able to position myself. When Nurse B came back in to check me, I asked how much longer I had to be monitored for and she told me I wasn’t going to be allowed to get out of bed since my bag of water was broken because of the risk of a prolapsed umbilical cord. She just wasn’t “willing to risk it.” Thankfully, Nurse A called my doctor and ran things by him and got his approval to let me out of bed. I don’t know how I would have managed if she hadn’t done that.
We called the doula and she arrived at 3:30am. We were her first birth because she was a student and we were all very excited to share in the new experience. The contractions stayed the same for a little bit. When Nurse A came back to check the baby’s heart rate, it had fallen, so she asked me to get back in bed to monitor for another 20 mins. Once I did the contractions intensified and I was having trouble breathing through them. Nurse A checked me and I was still only 4cm. At this point, that was a hard blow. I thought, if it’s this painful now, how on earth am I going to get through what could be hours more of labor?? The epidural was looking pretty good right about then. The doula convinced me to just take it contraction by contraction for a few more before deciding anything.
30 minutes later, I was done. I wanted drugs. The contractions were just out of this world painful and on top of one another and I was too tired – so much for my natural birth. Screw my hippie dippie birth plan. There was no WAY I could do this anymore. How other women did this was beyond me. Between struggling to scream breath through the contractions, I told Nurse A I needed the epidural NOW. Before she left to get it ready, I wanted to know if it was normal to feel like I was straining to bear down with the contractions. She gave me a look and said she needed to check me again. Having her check me cervix was torture. She looked surprised and said she would be back and ran out of the room to get two other nurses. She had the other nurse check me, asking her if she felt any cervix. To which I was like “Excuse me??”
Apparently I had gone from 4cm to 10cm in 30 minutes – the whole time I had been convinced I needed that epidural because, if this is what active labor was like, there was no way I could make it through transition, I was already IN transition!
Suddenly there were 5 other nurses around me, telling me not to push – they had to find the doctor. Then suddenly he was there and my husband was on my right holding a leg and the doula was on my left holding a leg and they were telling me to push.
The rest is an insane blur. I was terrified and not ready and convinced I couldn’t do this. After hearing those stories of women in the middle of pushing declaring they couldn’t do this and were going home or just not going to do it and laughing, I was making those declarations!
I only pushed for about 15 minutes, but it seems like it took forrrrever. I had my eyes closed the entire time, haha. In the middle of pushing I panicked. I wasn’t going to be able to push this baby out. He was going to get stuck, I was going to tear right in half. All the horror stories I’ve ever heard came flashing back. Then,I decided just to listen to the doctor’s instructions and trust in my body and let the chips fall where they may. I just had to do it.
The next thing I know, they’re laying this perfect, albeit slimy, little baby on my chest. And it is absolutely true what they say – all the fear, all the pain, all the doubt and worry, it was all gone. It was completely surreal. 🙂
So, yeah, there it is. Very rambling, but it’s late and if I didn’t type this out now, I never would. And here is baby: