Post # 1
I am not a bad mother. I just can’t always be the one to run to her. I’m alone, no family, no real friends, and my FH is deployed.
I breastfeed so I’m always tied to her and I don’t really get out much. I’m starting at the YMC tomorrow so I can get an hour alone, but don’t know how that will work if she’s always crying and I can’t seem to get her to take a bottle.
Sometimes I feel insane for having agreed to have a baby, but I love her and she’s here now and my responsibility.
Done confessing and I’ve had enough of her screaming. On to picking her back up.
For the love of God, I am not a horrible mother. I’m just having a moment. I don’t imagine I’m the only one out there with a crying baby who just has to walk away sometimes for sanity’s sake. Am I?
Post # 3
I don’t have a baby but you don’t sound like a horrible mother to me! Don’t they say to leave your baby cry sometimes? You’re a human and you need some time to yourself.. go take a breather!
Post # 4
I work at a daycare and believe me, I understand when the crying is just TOO much. When you can’t seem to please them, or it seems like they are just crying to hear themselves make noise. In the end, it always makes me feel better though, when you cradle them & they snuggle up to you. Remember how frustrating it must be that everything you need done (eat, bathroom, change, thirsty, etc) has to be done by someone else. It seems like a luxury, but I can’t imagine sitting around in this hot weather and not being able to get up and turn the fan my way, or asking someone to get me a drink every time I am a little thirsty. Crying is pretty much their only form of communication, and although it is tiring and annoying just try to think of it from their prospective. You have every right to personal time and to the feelings you are expressing…believe me, I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
Post # 5
Of course you’re not 🙂 You don’t have anyone to give you a break, and you just went and picked her up. You do her a favor by giving her some time by herself. Good luck and we’re here for you!
Post # 6
I completely understand. One of my girls was like that. She cried what seemed like all the time. I am not trying to put anything on you that is not true, but is it possible that you have postpartum depression. I did, and my husband was right here with me so I can imagine if I had tried to do that by myself. It may be worth looking into. I wasted 7 months being in denial and saying that I was just tired blah blah blah. Yes, she was a high need baby but I needed help too.
Post # 7
I’m a mommy. I breastfed (thank God thats over), so mine was extremely attached as well. Babies love music…so, sometimes I put on something, and she winds down…and I even sing and dance with her. But, I’m sooo guilty of the run-and-pick-her-up too. You’re a mom, that’s what we do….
Post # 8
I breastfed to and it was so worth it. I would trade those memories for anything. This really won’t last forever. Breast milk actually releases “feel good” hormones to the mother to help the bond.
Post # 9
@ms.charming: As long as your babies basic needs are met it is absolutely fine and actually recommended to leave your baby to cry for a little while. ESPECIALLY for your sanity. It is better a baby left to cry for a little while than being abused because of the mother being driven mad by the crying. I am not saying I think you would do that but it does happen. You don’t want your baby to learn that everytime she cries you will run to her and hold her, that just makes things worse.
For examlpe: a girl I know has a baby and EVERYTIME he starts whining at all she runs and picks him up. So he gets mad when he is put down for any amount of time. So now, at 7/8 months he can barely roll, can’t scoot, crawl or anything!
On the other hand I did leave my daughter alone to cry it out every now and then. She was fine playing on her own most of the time and she was rolling around everywhere by 4 months crawling by 6 and walking at around 9.
So, NO! You are not a bad parent at all! As long as she isn’t starving or needing changed or something just put her in a safe place and go take a break 🙂
Post # 10
My doctor actually told my mom (who asked for his biggest tip when going home with your first baby) if she needed a moment, was frustrated or at her wits end to put us in our crib, close the door and walk away until she could pull herself together.
He said that “no baby has ever died from crying” but sleep deprived, frustrated, exhauted and overwhelmed mothers sometimes just need a moment to get themselves back into the game.
Do what you need to do and don’t feel horrible for it! As long as you put baby in a place that is safe, I see no issue.
Post # 11
Absolutly normal. I know when my daughter was little she would cry because she lost sight of me, because her toy would stop singing for two seconds, because I was using the bathroom, EVERYTHING made her mad. Finally I would just do what I would do for bed time CIO. Make sure all needs are met, let her fuss a few minutes and comfort her with out picking up, letting her know she was okay, but she needed to comfort herself a little.
Also, mommy time is SO important. You enjoy your little bundle more when you have a break and see her as more than a job. Its hard at first, and cant imagine doing it alone (FI works LONG hours, but helps too)HUGE HUGS!
Post # 13
BTW what MissSawyer said is EXACTLY what my Dr said. She is highly againct CIO and all of those methods, but for mommys sanity it was one of the first things she told me. She said she even has so many moms (first and not first) calling her so upset about babies crying and stress she started adding it to the reasons to call the emergancy pager. She said whats funny is all they usually want is someone to talk to and be told its okay to let the baby cry to gather themselves, and everything was going to be okay.
Post # 14
@ms.charming: Sounds like mommy needs a moment. Better to have a level head than try calm a baby while you are frusterated unless you are totally neglecting your child, which my guess is you are not at all. Maybe you can strap her in the stroller and go arround the block a few times?
Not taking a bottle? try some sugar on the nub until she gets the hang of it.
Post # 15
You not a bad mom. Babies cry for a multitude of reasons other than needs. They cry to relieve stress, exercise their lungs, or just because they are over tired. If all their “needs” are met, I would just put her in the crib, close the door and let her cry it out. I know that it is not easy and I always felt guilty over it, but in the long run it is better for her and you.
Post # 16
JUST AN UPDATE:
I held baby until she stopped crying. I got a shower in finally and I feel a million times better. She’s back to crying, but I’m sure I’ll be ok.
Thank you all for listening. Wish me luck tomorrow at the Y. I think it’ll make a big difference.