Bachelor partie and strippers…

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

@mco06:  Is it that there was a stripper at all or that there were 2 of them that bothers u? 

Post # 4
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Did you two talk about your boundaries before the party?

Post # 5
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

What’s the difference between one stripper or two? 

The fact is, he was upfront with you.. Told you there would be a stripper, and you said you were fine with it. I don’t see how two makes a difference? You’re either ok with it or you’re not.

Theres nothing you can do at this point.

Post # 6
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It is already done and like you said he didn’t plan (or I’m assuming know).  Nothing either of you can do now.  I know it’s harder said then done, but nothing good is going to come from being upset.  Perhaps now that you know it bothers you ask him not to go to other peoples if strippers are going to be there.

Post # 7
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@FortiesFlare:  My guess is she was trying to be ok with it, maybe more then she actually was so now the fact that there was 2 not 1 is letting those feelings come to the surface?  I agree, there really isn’t a difference.

Post # 8
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

OP, I don’t want you to feel like your feelings aren’t justified or anything like that. If what you were told about the party made you upset, let yourself have a few days to calm down then have a talk with your FI about it. 

Post # 10
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mco06:  He always has a choice. I don’t buy the “I didn’t have a choice”

You should have set your boundaries when you got engaged. It is obvious he was going to have a bachelor party. But, anyways, the damage is already done.

I’d advice you to open up and discuss what you didn’t like. Really, I don’t think you were fine with ONE girl on the first place.

Post # 11
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@mco06:  

@AnaA:  +1 I also don’t buy the I didn’t have a choice thing. If he felt strongly about it, he wouldn’t have done it. That being said, you can’t blame someone for doing something you don’t like if they didn’t know you don’t like it, I am unsure as to how indepth your guys conversation about this topic was. But truth be told he could have walked out if he wanted to… And I say this because I know a guy who is married, went to a friends bachelors, they got a stripper and he left, sure he wasn’t the groom but I know both he and my dh would have left their own bachelors if there had been a stripper against their will. But what’s done is done, you guys need to sit down and have a serious discussion about boundaries and how you feel about things because I’m guessing this wasn’t discussed long before the bachelors, else he could have told his best man he didn’t want any. But again, it’s now done, I know I would struggle with the idea, but I have never been ok with my dh getting a stripper anyway and he has always known that… You need to discuss what you consider ok and what you don’t and come to an agreement on boundaries

Post # 12
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@AnaA:  I kind of get the “don’t have a choice” thing…at my bachelorette party I didn’t want to go to the strippers….but at the end of the night the girls told the limo driver that we wanted to go there, so that’s where we ended up. Honestly I wasn’t dead-set against it (aaaand was pretty tipsy!), so I wasn’t mad or anything, but I had mentioned before that I didn’t want to go there.

But anyways, OP-do you trust him? Why does it bother you that there were 2 strippers instead of 1? And yes I’m sure they targeted him because he was the bachelor, but I’m sure they weren’t just giving him lapdances for 2 hours. Honestly, I’m not trying to defend him, but I literally got pulled up onstage at the strippers (totally against my will) by my friend (she was pushing me) and the stripper! So, not defending your FI, but maybe he was kind of in the situation where he was sort of forced to sit there? And there were other guys there, so I’m sure your FI wasn’t the only one getting lapdances.

I get where you’re coming from about not wanting strippers at the bachelor party, but I’m sure peer pressure can be a factor too (if all the guys want to get strippers and your FI isn’t planning the party…). As long as you trust him and he told you he did nothing with them (other than sit there) I don’t see a problem. My husband and the guys went to the strippers on his bachelor party, and as long as it’s not a regular thing (which it def isn’t) I didn’t see a problem, I trust him completely.

Post # 13
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

I need help understanding what bothers you about him having dancers at this party. I’m not trying to be a jackass, just really trying to get to the root of what really bothers you about this.

Post # 14
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

@mco06:  You have every right to be annoyed, but it’s already happened so i wouldn’t worry about it or spend your time worrying yourself about it bc it only is gonna hurt your head and heart not his…

I would not be okay with strippers at a bachelor party but thats bc of the horror stories i have heard  about very few of them (mainly the ones that go to your house) getting completely naked and offering sexual favors for $.  I would not be cool with that, now not all strippers do this, but i would say there are strippers that do offer that crap.  

I would have a very serious convo with your man and ask him if anything happened you wouldn’t approve of and let him know that, you hope he enjoyed that night, bc u are not okay with strippers being naked and basically dry fucking him…so your glad he had his last Hooray, bc that shit is done, lol

I have been to strip clubs and even in the clubs its like they are rubbing on the guys and j*cking them off through their clothes and its GROSS…I think its nasty and I would not be ok with it:) I am kinda a prude though or very territorial and don’t want my man looking at porn either, so take this from a person that is conservative when it comes to my man seeing chicks naked.

Theres nothing you can do about it now, though, and i don’t mean to worry you about what could of happened, i would just let it go….Sorry you had to deal with that:( 

 

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