(Closed) Bachelor party anxiety

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: After suffering through my lengthy post, what do you think happened?
    Line crossed by girls being in room but doubt he cheated (voluntarily touched/kissed/licked or worse : (43 votes)
    47 %
    Line crossed by girls being in room & he cheated (voluntarily touched/kissed/licked or worse) : (15 votes)
    16 %
    There were no girls in the room. (Please leave comment with alternate explanation!) : (33 votes)
    36 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    There a couple explanations, but the first one that came to mind is that Dave’s an asshole and thought it’d be hilarious to say “Let’s go ladies,” knowing you were on the phone and would freak out.  DH has been to 3 bachelor parties in the last 6 months, and 2 of my newlywed friends have lived through other bachelors in the last year, and this is the sort of boneheaded crap certain of the attendees thought was just hilarious.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3420 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Ok *hugs* and you need to breathe.

    If you are going to trust your man then you need to trust him. there is nothing you can do. He is there. You are here. You have to trust him that is it. Love and marraige is about trust. I understand this senario scares you to death but this is a serious test right now.

    When He comes back you can ask him how the Ladies enjoyed your penthouse.

    His reaction will tell you everything.

    *hugs*

    Post # 5
    Member
    9234 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I dunno, I think you’re freaking out waaaay more than is necessary.  You just have to trust that he wouldn’t cheat on you.  If you have a solid relationship, that’s a pretty reasonable assumption.  As for the conversation, just ask him what they did on the trip.  Tell him you heard them shouting about girls – what girls?  Just ask rationally and not all freaking out / have you no respect for me / how could you cheat / crazy-like…. You’re marrying the guy, you need to be able to have honest discussions with each other.

    I’m sorry this is so upsetting!  Just try to calm down and be reasonable though… xox

    Post # 6
    Member
    9398 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think you should trust him and try to stop worrying.  It is also possible that his friends met some girls at their casino or something and they are all going out drinking/gambling together (because certain friends would be interested in hooking up with women there?)?  He has no real control over that or if the other guys invite women up to the room for their own purposes.

    When he comes back I would just say that “I heard someone mention ladies being in the room, what was up with that?”

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    9629 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @lbrou11:  ((HUGS))  First of all, I want to say I admire your strength and maturity for the way you’ve handled things so far.

    Secondly, I tend to agree with what @sportsgal31: said, that more than likely the “ladies” comment was a joke to tease you.

    Try to breathe and not let your imagination run away with you.  This is a scenario that would challenge any bride-to-be.  But don’t blame yourself or feel naive in any way for not thinking anything wrong could happen.

    The bottom line is, this is out of your control, so try to occupy your mind with something else for a little while to pass the time.  And keep telling yourself all the things you told us about how wonderful and loving and trustworthy your FI is. 

    If my husband were in the same situation I would also be upset, like you are, but I would also trust in our love and know that he would never risk ruining our relationship over something stupid and meaningless.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    And this is why I hate bachelor parties, but that’s another story.

    Let’s be real here: I am fairly certain that there were girls in the hotel room. Sure, there are other possible explanations, but again, let’s be real. His buddies very likely set up some kind of private strip show or whatever.

    There are basically 2 possibilities that matter here:

    1. There were girls in the room, they danced around, and your FI just went along with it but didn’t cheat.

    2. There were girls in the room and your FI did cheat.

    It sounds like your FI is honest and loves you very much, and I’m guessing that scenario 1 is more likely, but there’s no way to know. You’ll figure it out once he gets back — it’ll be written in his face.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1846 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would be feeling the exact same way as you. 100%. 

    My Fiancé can’t lie to save his life tho, so it would come out eventually, especially if i approached the conversation with “how did the ladies enjoy the suite?” 

     

    I feel for you, I’m sorry you’re worried. As horrible as it sounds, I would never be ok with FI going to Vegas for a bachelor party, For this exact reason.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3766 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think sunfire gave a great response. I read the comment as the friend jokingly calling his buddies “girls” to be stupid. You know how sometimes to round of their friends they might say “let’s go ladies!” to joke? Maybe that’s all it was. I would mention it to him when he gets home and see his reaction. Good luck! For the record I would have much more anxiety over the Vegas weekend than you do!

    Post # 11
    Member
    5969 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Oh honey, this sounds awful, just awful! 

    But all scariness aside, I’m sure it will all be fine.  Your imagination is your own worst enemy, combined with visions of The Hangover and Bachelor Party, if you let yourself think about it too much, you’ll be convinced that they’re knocking over a bank in tour bus they stole from Celine Dion…so stop.

    You trust this man, you love this man, and regardless of how drunk he gets, he loves you….and he more than likely passed out in a chair somewhere with a half empty bottle of beer in his hand and a bra on his head while his friends enjoyed whatever “entertainment” they had secured, if any….because as wild as Vegas is…hotels don’t like any illicit activity occuring on the premises, especially in their penthouses, and as liberal as the entertainment industry is there, the restrictions on traveling perfomers is heavily regulated.. and a hotel is going to keep an eye on that VERY CLOSELY, especially in their penthouse.

    That being said, what to do with ones self until he finally rises from the dead and drags his carcass home….

    You have two choices, you can sit here and make yourself miserable, which is a way to go…OR you get some plans cooking, be busy and let Mr. Fun see what it’s like to wonder what you are up to. 

    If he calls you today, I’d cut him some slack, see what he tells you, your gut will know if he’s lying or not, or hiding something, if you believe him, let it be…if you don’t hear from him, and soon…..I think I would be terribly hard to get a hold of and make certain you aren’t home when he gets back.

    He’s going to expect the grilling of a lifetime, if you aren’t there to give it to him, you might just scare the hell out of him and send a very clear message, that having fun is great, fucking with me and letting me worry about you all weekend, is not.

     

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    HUGS. I would feel the same way, and a bachelor party would never bother me. I hope it goes well and keep us updated.

    Post # 13
    Member
    11753 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I didn’t vote none of the options apply.  It sounds like they met some girls around and invited them over to drink in their cool suite.  I doubt it was strippers/etc.  I think you’re freaking out unnecessarily.  I personally don’t think having girls hanging out in their suite is crossing any line – they’d likely be talking to girls if they were in a bar anyways.

    If your man is going to chea,t he’s going to cheat regardless of what “rules” are established.  Talking to a girl in a bar isn’t going to making him less likely to cheat than if he’s in a hotel suite with a bed in the next room, and vice versa.

    He called you to tell you he loved you. I don’t think he’s doing any cheating, etc. I think you shoudl stop overthikning and overanalyzing, get yourself some wine and your girl friends and have some fun of your own until he gets home.

    You have no reason to not trust him.  On the off chance he did something “bad”, you’ll know by his behavior when he gets home.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    9063 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Is it possible that his friend was calling all the men attending “ladies”?

    As in, they could be lightweights (2 drinks gets them drunk and thus they’re ladies)

    Food for thought.

    Post # 15
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I Agree. your fi sounds like a really good guy. often when out drinking some of my husbands friends will refer to each other as “ladies” like common ladies drink up.etc. basically insinuating that the other guys are pansies  and cant keep up to the fun. so maybe someone said it like that. did you hear any female voices?  

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @Hyperventilate:  youre a much faster typer than i. haha. 

    The topic ‘Bachelor party anxiety’ is closed to new replies.

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