(Closed) bachelor party betrayal

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I mean, there is really not much to do except to try to sit your FI down and explain why it unnerves you.  Hopefully he will understand and try to make it up to you.  Other than that, what’s done is done and unless you think your FI is going to develop some sort of stripper lap dance addiction I cant think of what else you can do outside of being annoyed.  

((HUGS))  Hope it works out.

 

Post # 4
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m so sorry. I was so worried about this exact same thing. I do understand that because you told your FI your wishes before his party, going through with the lap dance is an even harder slap in the face.

I agree to talk to him and not end the conversation until he understands he hurt you.

HUGS

Post # 5
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Okay. Take a deep breath!

Have you talked to your FI about this?? How did you find out? Did he tell you himself or did someone else tell you?

I know you are upset, and you have every right to be if you have talked about it before. When you told him before the bach. party that you did not approve of lap dances what was his reaction?

Sorry for so many questions, but I feel like I can offer you better advice if I know more to the story!

Post # 6
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you are more upset that he betrayed your trust in terms of what you had agreed upon as opposed to what he did. You really consider it cheating that he got a lap dance at a strip club? Im sure he was fully clothed and I doubt that he touched her in any way (usually not allowed).

I am NOT a fan of strip clubs and the thought of DH getting a lap dance and yes I would feel betrayed and upset if he got one but I would not think it was cheating. And I wouldnt question my marriage (or upcoming marriage) because of this. He probably got pressured into it by his guy friends. It really sucks, a lot, and I would be pissed too (!) but at the same time you just need to quickly get over it and put on a happy face because you are getting married in 5 days!!! I think he definitely owes you an apology and a nice bouquet of flowers but honestly I would just try to move on as quickly as possible so as to not let this spoil your upcoming wedding!

Post # 7
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would try to remember the Best man has probably planned the Bachelor party for weeks, and they were probably all drunk. I’m sure your finance was pressured by all the guys there to support him to go a little crazy, he might not have liked it at all, but didn’t want to disappoint the people who worked so hard to throw him the party. 

I know its frustrating, but its a one time thing, and it is considered his last opportunity to go crazy, I would consider it out of his system. I don’t know about your finance, but I have asked mine to make several sacrifices to make me happy on the day of the wedding, so I’m going to try and cut him some slack as well. 

Hope it works out!

Post # 10
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@december1212: Ok, so you’ve already discussed it. What was the fight about? Was he trying to play it off as no big deal?

Post # 11
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@december1212: It is so much easier said than done. I know that if I were in your place right now I would be fuming and really devastated as well. It would be difficult to do it but I would try my hardest. I dont think you will be thinking about this on your wedding day. I think that right now you are probably under a lot of stress and there is a lot of emotion surrounding the next week anyways so something like this is automatically amplified. Has your fiance apologized to you at least?

Post # 12
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@PitBulLover: You said it best! I think it’s the fact that he broke his word more than the act. PLEASE just try to talk to him and talk through this! I hope it all works out for the best!!!

Post # 14
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ok hun… I just want to tell you that you are NOT an idiot and your feelings are totally valid. I understand that you feel betrayed and it was wrong of him to do this to you. But you said that you have been together for 5 years and I am sure that you guys can get through this!! As other posters said, your FI was most likely pressured by his friends that night. I know it’s terrible and he should have stood up to them, but no one is perfect. I am not trying to downplay what happened at all, but a lap dance is just that… and in the end he came home to YOU and wants to marry YOU!

 

Post # 16
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@december1212: Youre welcome! I understand this…and I think a lot of women do too! You guys just need to resolve the situation ASAP so that you can focus on the amazing thing that is happening on Saturday!!! You are getting married! Like  TinyTina said he is choosing to marry you and that is awesome!

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