Bachelor party drama?

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

Honestly, I would just put my foot down at no strip club. Granted my husband doesn’t like them and none of his groomsmen did either. Haha

Post # 3
Member
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know how you feel in regards to FI having over-the-top friends who will do anything they can to get FI to go along with their shenanigans. It sucks. We’re not having bach parties because of location issues (everyone lives in different states, and then our wedding is in another state too). Anyway, I think the best way to deal with it is to talk to your FI. If you don’t get along with the BM, don’t bother talking to him about it, because in my opinion, he’ll probably just do whatever he wants anyway. The most important factor is your FI. He can set the ground rules for the bach party and if BM disrespects his wishes, your FI should be prepared to handle the situation. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

First, short of hog-tieing your fiance, the best man can’t make him go to a strip club. Your guy can, and should be able to say no. We’re not in high school anymore, he should be able to withstand peer pressure. 

Second, if you don’t want him to go to a strip club – tell him that. See what he thinks. If you already have that rule, it’s not unreasonable that it would still apply at his bachelor party. There are plenty of bachelor parties without strip clubs.

Third, if you’re really okay with him going to a strip club, I think that your conditions sound perfectly reasonable, with the possible exception of your bridesguy (if your fiance isn’t really close with him and doesn’t want to hang out with him, I don’t think you can force that, plus your bridesguy may not really want to). I also had a rule that there were no private strippers – I’m okay with clubs but not private strippers at hotels/homes/VIP rooms. That being said, this needs to be a mutual decision, so see what he thinks. Maybe he wants to be able to tip the dancers – which usually involves touching, or seomthing like that. Hear him out and come to a decision, together.

Fourth, you need to be very clear with your fiance during this discussion. You need to express your desires and ask him how he feels and what he wants to do. You two need to come to firm rules that you both agree with. You need to address what will happen if the best man tries to break these rules. What if the best man has already paid for a lap dance? Will your fiance turn it down? What if the best man tries to bring a stripper back to the hotel? Will your diance leave? Again, he needs to be able to stand up for himself and your relationship, even if his friend is trying to get him to break the rules. 

Don’t feel bad about wanting to establish boundaries. I think it’s the most mature thing to do. Be clear. Be honest. 

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your fiance needs to set clear guidelines with his friends. If he cannot trust his friends to respect his wishes then he should decline a bachelor party. Are you 100% sure your fiance will be proactive in sticking up for your relationship rules?

Post # 7
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is between you and your FI. He cannot be blaming the BM if he ends up doing something outside the boundaries that the two of you agree on. No one can manipulate him into doing something he doesn’t want to do. There is this word ‘No.”

He also cannot blame what he does on too much alcohol. He has a choice to slow down his drinking, alternate alcohol with soda water etc.

I do not think it is your place to speak with the BM. In fact,  if the guy is the jerk that you say he is, a talk from you could prompt even more bad behavior from him.

Post # 8
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I think you are better off telling him straight up not to go to the club if one of the rules is no lap dances. The likelihood that he doesn’t get one is slim IMO, even if he “agrees”.

Also, I don’t think you should request your male friend go. It seems like you feel your FI needs a babysitter, which might rub him the wrong way.

Post # 12
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

If you’re really uncomfortable with it, you might need to stamp your feet a little and make it very clear what you will and won’t be putting up with. My DH’S GM went way over board with the boundaries set. By the time it all happened I didn’t care anymore but if strippers really upset me or I felt DH was the type to give in to pressure, I would’ve hated it.

Post # 13
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

christinalong338:  If you think the BM will bring him to a strip club no matter what, you must agree that this guy will buy your FI a lapdance regardless of the limits you set. If BM shells out the money for the lapdance, you FI will be guilted into taking it. 

For what its worth, DH went to a strip club for his bachelor party, had a lap dance, and he told me it was all a big joke – not a turn on. Could he have been lying – sure – but she spilled his 15$ beer and he was definitely more pissed than pleased. 

Post # 14
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you don’t think your FI will honour the agreement you make then the problem is him, not the BM.

At some point you need to have faith that he will respect what you agree to (whatever that ends up being), and if not, then that’s a whole seperate issue.

Post # 15
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

christinalong338:  Um, is walking out not an option? Or just say “no” to lap dances and then stick to it? Nobody can force lap dances on anyone. I don’t care how big of a jerk this friend is, the decision to get a lap dance or not is ultimately your fiance’s decision. His responsibility. The strip clubs I’ve been to have you go to a separate area for lap dances, so he could simply not go to that area. Again, unless his friend picks him up and carrys him there, he can’t make him get a lap dance. If his friend gets all bitchy and causes a scene – that’s on him and will make him look like a jerk. But this does require your fiance to be able to stand up for himself and your relationship. Alcohol can make this harder, so I think that is another thing to discuss – if he can’t control himself and stand up to his friend when he’s drunk, maybe he shouldn’t get drunk. That would also make it easier for him to leave, if needed, if he can drive. And, ultimately, if he can’t stand up to his friend and not get lap dances – they shouldn’t go to a strip club. Bottom line. Your fiance needs to be responsible for his own actions. He needs to do whatever is necessary to ensure that he can abide by the mutually agreed upon guidelines. Whatever that is.

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