Post # 1
I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I am incredibly jealous of my fiancee’s bachelor party. My party is 2 months before his and we are just doing a night in the local area. He is going to Vegas for 4 days 2 weeks before the wedding. He has a couple of well off friends who are paying for the trip for him to go out there, so we dont have to really pay for anything. I am happy that he gets to have a crazy time with his friends, but I wanted that too. My friends are all struggling to make it by so they told me they couldn’t really afford to do something like that. I know I am going to have a fun time with the girls, but I feel like I am missing out on the crazy.
His friends are also telling me that they want to do a no phone rule so he can have no distractions, which I have told them that is not ok, and now they are calling me the nagging wife – which is just making it harder for me.
How do I get over feeling this jealousy? And do you agree that I should want him to keep his phone on him?
Post # 2
If you trust your man, there is no need to feel jealous. You will have a great time with the girls, you don’t need a trip to Vegas to feel like you are “going all out and crazy.” and I’m sorry if you feel that way. This is your last hoorah and I would enjoy it no matter if I was going to Vegas or a local bar. The no phone thing is a great rule. We did this for mine and I wasn’t thinking about what he was doing nor really cared as long as he was safe and having a good time. I trusted his friends and I knew they wouldn’t do anything stupid. Trust is really the key in all of this. You are spending the rest of your life with him, and him not having his phone on him or communicating with you for 4 days isn’t going to kill you. You can always ask his friend to give you an update via text like hes ok or something if it really bothers you. Enjoy it! Life is what you make of it 🙂 Don’t waste it on being bitter/jealous about the Vegas thing. This is suppose to be a great carefree time. Good Luck!!
Post # 3
kjurnz: I personally don’t understand the “no phone” rule, you’re his future wife, not a “distraction.” I would want to know that my future husband arrived safely, plus my husband and I talk everyday so not speaking to him would drive us both crazy. I think you have to discuss these things with your FI, what does he want? Take my opinion with a grain of salt though, my husband didn’t want to do anything crazy and wanted to spend his bachelor party with me, so we had a nice game night together with some friends. Would it be possible for you to fund a girls’ trip while he’s gone to take your mind off of things?
Post # 4
kjurnz: The jealousy you’ll just have to try to swallow. With the phone thing, yeah, I would not be happy with a no phone rule, at all. I like to know that my OH is safe and well. That doesn’t mean we’re in constant contact when we’re apart, but we do text a couple of times a day so we know we’re both alive lol. For me, a no phone rule would just not be an option, at all.
Post # 5
the no phone thing is just stupid cave-men boys seeing how much they can get away with. they’re flexing their douche muscles to try to get away with being inconsiderate and then calling you controlling for calling them on it. PASS. Say hey! Ya’ll are getting a bachelor party in Vegas. I just want to be able to talk to him from time to time while he’s there. call me a nagging wife if it makes you feel better, but we’re all adults here. try to act like it.
Post # 6
I would be irritated by the no phone rule as well. I would tell my FI to make a stand about that. It doesn’t mean you will be calling or texting him non stop, but geez. This might seem a little juvenile, but what do you think about just having a “slumber party” at your place or a friends? I did this for a friend’s bachelorette party. You could make a weekend of it while not breaking the bank. You can go out bar hopping or something two nights or make one of the days a spa day.
Post # 7
romantic@heart: also, two weeks out from the wedding, there will PROBABLY be something that comes up that you’d like to fill him in on. Just because he’s at his bachelor party doesn’t mean he’s not still planning a wedding. bachelor parties are about letting loose! Not about reverting to childhood where you have no other responsibilities. and I agree, you’re a person, not a “distraction.” Will they be doing quantum physics where they need complete concentration? NO? they’re just going to Vegas? Ya don’t say!
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I’m sorry you’re feeling a little jealous and I think it’s perfectly understandable.
What’s NOT understandable is the no phone rule. Your FI needs to tell his dumbass friends that he will be checking in with his future wife once a day or he’s not going. (I would hope he feels this way??) He needs to man up so you don’t get the backlash.
Post # 9
I don’t understand the “no phone” rule for people who are either married or about to be married (if their relationship is otherwise happy and healthy). I get it IF you were just dating and things were not that serious yet.
Your FI’s friends can want what they want. But you need to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with FI and tell him what your boundaries are and what you won’t put up with, regardless of what his friends are planning. I would NOT be cool with the “no phone” rule if my man was going to be gone for several days vs. just one night out.
Your FI’s friends sound super immature if they’re calling you his nagging wife for being concerned. My exes’ friends were the same way, and I couldn’t stand some of them and felt their immature sh*tty attitudes really hurt our relationship whenever they gave my ex a lot of crap.
I would highly recommend that you be very CLEAR with your FI exactly how you feel, what your concerns are, and what your boundaries are for his bachelor trip.
Post # 10
the no phone thing is weird. how does your FI feel about that. DH went away for 2 nights on his bach party and me for 1 night. we called each other in the late afternoon when we both had time before the other went to sleep to say hello and good night.
Post # 11
kjurnz: My FI (now DH) went away for a long weekend with his men, to a secluded cabin in the woods – where there was NO cell phone service. At first, I shared some of your feelings. One being that I wish I had planned a weekend away myself, and two, wondered how I would do without communication!! (The communication part was obviously not mandated by his men, but just the reality due to the location, and so completely different from your scenario!).
However, two things happened. One, I quickly realized that had we planned time away, then the attendance would have waivered, and I would not have it any other way than ONE night out with my nearest and dearest, rather than having a handful join. Whereas, DH lost out on having all his friends there, but had a longer time away. And two, (this is more important to the response to your post), although cell phones were out of service, my DH used the cabin phone, and paid the long distance charges to call me a few times that weekend. Quick update calls while the others were napping, or going to bed, or showering. He did it because he wanted too (or, maybe needed too?!), and no one was going to tell him different – not his friends, or not me ‘demanding’ (not that you are) he find a way to call me. It did not distract from his weekend. It did not cut into male bonding time. Trips away always have downtime.
The no phone rule the ENTIRE time is dumb, and silly.
Post # 12
I understand being jealous that your FI is being jetted away for an awesome trip when you will just be hanging around town. I’d be jealous too!
But unlike PPs, I sort of get the no-phone rule. I’m sure it’s just that they don’t want to have to worry about being in the middle of something fun and then all of the sudden, you call your FI and he has to leave to talk to you. Or they don’t want him to disappear for an hour every night to chat with you. Or they don’t want to worry about him constently texting or having to check-in with you.
I think a lot of people, not just you OP, think that just because we can have constant communication with someone means we are entiteled to that constant contact. I would try and compromise on the phone thing and say that you want him to call or text when they get to Vegas and then call or text when he has a chance just to let you know he is alive or to update you on how it’s going. I might not expect something every day but maybe every other day.
Post # 13
I dont intend or need to call him and text him every minute, I just dont want him to be unreachable. I agree that they are being childish here and I have to make sure they understand the boundaries. Regretfully the whole event is a suprise so I cant really talk to my FI about it, which means I have to trust his friends to honor my wishes.
I think I will try to get away and do some girl stuff, and not overthink this too much. You only get one of these nights so I just gotta make the best of it.
Post # 14
kjurnz: the “no phone” rule is weird. what if there’s an emergency?
I definitely understand being a little jealous that his bachelor party is much more “glamorous” while yours is lowkey. Is there anything you can do to pamper yourself with a friend or two that can afford it?
Post # 15
I totally get where you’re coming from. My husband had a weekend camping trip in WVA and it was exactly what he wanted. I also had a weekend trip to OBX but it wasn’t what I really wanted, it was the cheapest thing to do and my friends couldn’t really afford to do anything else. I didn’t necessarily want a weekend in Vegas but I would have liked to do more than layout on the beach all weekend since I can do that any other other time of the year. You just have to move past it. It still makes me a little sad that I sacrificed that I wanted so my friends could be there yet none of my other friends have done the same for their bachelorettes. I don’t regret my choice because having my friends with me was more important than the location, I’m just sad no one else returned the favor.
As far as the no phone thing, that’s silly. When my husband went to Vegas for a friend’s bachelor party he was the one to call me and check in. I never once called him. The only thing I asked for was a goodnight phonecall or text. His friends had no problem with that and they had a great time.