(Closed) Bachelor Party Lap dance…grossed out

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He coulda said no.   

i would be furious if my husband got a lap dance never mind a naked one.  Going to the strippers is one thing, getting a lap dance is another.

Post # 4
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would be completely disgusted. My husband wanted nothing to do with strippers or anything sexual at his bach party because of that very reason. It isn’t how you would allow him to act any other day, why would one day be different?

Ugh, I’m sorry you have to deal with that but I think it’s really good that he told you.

Post # 5
Member
8472 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

*HUGS* I would be upset too.  You should ask your FI if he would be okay with you getting totally naked and rubbing up on some random guy.  Chances are, he probably won’t be ok with it, so it shouldn’t be ok for him.

Post # 6
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Hey, what’s done is done. He was honest and fessed up, he won’t ever (hopefully?) be in that position again. You didn’t mention setting boundaries before, so I would not stress now. Unless he is giving you reason to doubt him, let it go girl! 

Post # 8
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@caseybop1:  I would definitely be upset and I do agree that men tend to use the excuse of a bachelor party for all kinds of behavior inappropriate for someone in a committed relationship, and especially someone about to be married. That being said, I do think it’s good that he was up front about it, and as long as he knows you are uncomfortable with it and that it’s not okay for him to ever do it again, I would try to get past it. 

Post # 10
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I find it extremely interesting that women think that strip joints + bachelor party = no lap dances. SERIOUSLY? (Disclaimer, I am not OK with strip clubs and certainly not OK with lap dances, so I very much understand the feelings with this situation.) I just find it a bit like unrealistic that women think that an entire group of guys go into a strip club, with their man of honor (groom to be) and NOT get personal dances… the two just seemingly go hand in hand.

 

… which is why I made my expectation VERY CLEAR, to him, and his boys.

All that said, stress on how you expect him to conduct himself in similar situation (ie other bachelor parties), and leave it at that. You can’t change what is done now so there’s not point in focusing on the past but talk about how you want to future to be if presented with other situations that require him to make decisions of a similar nature.

 

Post # 11
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@caseybop1:  …….well, you can’t do anything about it now, and he told you which is nice because that could have gone with him to the grave….Bachelor Parties as a rule start firestorms of debate among the bees…a lot of us don’t care, a lot of us do, some of us consider it cheating and the others put the whole experience into the “Crazy Naked Circus” category…however you feel about it is vaild and you’re entitled to that….

I guess if it were me, I would burn those pants, cause yeah…those are done, buy Mr. 99 a hazmat suit and make a crazy photoshopped picture of me with some oiled up male stripper shakin his dong in my face while I made the thumbs up sign….just so he gets a taste of his own medicine….

Post # 12
Member
9172 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I hear ya, mine got a lap dance at a friend’s bachelor party a couple months ago.  At first I was like “whatever” but then it turns out she was naked!  Gross.

But honestly, and this may sound naive to some people but I’ve known my guy for 15 years so I feel confident saying this: I think the whole lap dance situation is more awkward than anything else.  The guy doesn’t particularly want one, but his friends are all doing it or are buying him one, and he’s not going to be the one lame dude who’s like “Get away from me you dirty whore!”  You know?  I know my guy would have rather there not be strippers at all, cause he just finds the whole situation weird and awkward.  But it was a buddy’s party.  He has absolutely no interest in having them for his own party.  

Anyway, I think the fact that he told you shows that he’s not trying to hide anything and probably would have rather it not happened at all.  I dunno.  The good news is that he will never have an excuse to do this again, right?  Especially now that he knows how you feel about it.

Post # 14
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I get why you’re grossed out for sure!!

i have no problem with strippers or bachelor parties in general, but the actual thought of a naked girl all over my man would make my skin crawl. It would also make me pretty self-conscious next time (or next few times, who knows) we were intimate (but that’s my issue, I’m not the most confident person). I wouldn’t be worried about him cheating or anything like that, but the image in my head would just disgust me. So I get you. 

 

Post # 15
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I completely understand where you’re coming from. That would have made me feel very upset and disrespected, and I honestly don’t know if I could get over it if my FI did that. I’m so glad he’s completely not that kind of guy, I doubt he would even step foot into a strip club. The fact that you didn’t set any rules beforehand doesn’t mean you can’t be upset. Respect for your spouse is an expectation that goes without saying. I hope you will find a way to get past this, OP.

Post # 16
Member
9693 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@caseybop1:  If I was uncomfortable with something, FI wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t ask questions or try to justify it, and he sure wouldn’t hide it from me. I think it is important to put the relationship first, not our own individual needs. If he put doing what his friends wanted, and quite frankly what he wanted to or else he would have said no, over what I wanted, then I would think twice about marrying someone so selfish.

I don’t like the premise of bachelor parties either – it is not your last day of being single. What if I get naked with another guy and rub all over him? Is that cheating? Just because I don’t have to pay a sex worker, it’s cheating, but someone who goes out and pays a sex worker, well, that’s okay. I can’t wrap my head around that concept either. Cheating is cheating, whether you paid for it or not. I don’t think lap dances are ever appropriate in a relationship, let alone right before you are about to enter into a marriage.

I am disgusted and outraged for you. I am so sorry.

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