Post # 1
I’m new to this site and have never posted anything before but I am in need of some serious bridal advice.
So my fiancés bachelor party is coming up in the next couples weeks and friends and family are starting to question me about info since they haven’t heard anything. I took it upon myself to text the best man and let him know that the family (My dad, my fiancés dad, and my fiancés grandpa) are wanting to know the details of weekend so they can start getting organized. The best man told me that he decided not to invite “the old men” (even though my fiancé asked him to). My fiancé comes from a super close family who celebrate all great events in each other’s life together. When I asked why he decided they could not come the best man couldn’t give me a reason. He would not tell me anything about the weekend except that a few guys (I’m not even sure who) will be picking up my fiancé from work on a Thursday and dropping him off at home on a Sunday. So not only am I more than pissed that he went against my fiancés wishes and decided not to invite these important people, but I am angry that I am not let in loop as to where my fiancé will be. I went on to ask the BM if they were taking my fiancé out of the city, out of the province or out of the country, to which he replied “don’t worry it will be fine”. I don’t want to ruin the surprise for my fiancé because I do think he deserves a great time with the guys, but this is not how we handle things in our house. We have a very open relationship and he has even helped my girlfriends plan my bachorlette party and picked us all up at the end of the night.
So what’s with all the secrets? Why can’t the “old men” who are also family members come?
Post # 2
MBradley: I think this is your FI’s issue to discuss with the best man. He doesn’t need to know all the details to deal with the issue of inviting the older relatives, if he wants them there.
Post # 3
MBradley: My only advice is to stay out of it. If your Finace wants his dad..ect invited he needs to put his foot down
If you want to know where your fiance will be all weekend ( which is NOT too much of a request), it is his responsibility to call you and let you know where he is.
Don’t place the blame on the bestman or groomsmen if your fiance can’t follow through with your requests and your issue should be with him.
Post # 4
I think the best man is being super ridiculous! I don’t think it’s asking too much to know where he will be. And he should have absolutely invited the people uour FI wanted him to invite. It’s your FI’s party.. Not the best mans!
Post # 5
MBradley: its unfortunate he went against your fiance’s wishes but that’s not really your business it’s his. if you trust your future husband then drop it and if he has an issue with the guest list that is for him to discuss with the best man.
Post # 6
So has the date been set for awhile then? Does your fiance already know the date of it? I don’t think I could resist telling fiance that these people are calling you for information and he needs to work it out. I guess either that or give the univited people BM’s phone number since he’s the one throwing the party.
Post # 7
MBradley: The best man is going against your fiance’s wishes, so definitely tell your fiance about the conversation. Then let him handle it. Don’t worry about spoiling the surprise – I’m sure your fiance would want to know if guests he wanted are being excluded.
Then also have a (two way) conversation and about what is and isn’t acceptable bachelor party activity. For instance, while I know many women are ok with strippers, I am not. Fortunately my husband agrees, and has walked out of at least one bachelor party when he didn’t like the way it was going. It sounds to me like your best man is planning something quite “wild” and your fiance needs to be prepared.
Post # 8
MBradley: I would give FI a heads up that his dad and your dad have been asking about it.
He can go talk to BM and figure this all out. In any case, they should at least have a celebration night to include them – even if its on a different weekend. I know normally dads arent invited, but if they are close and everyone was expecting them to attend – it is something that needs to be addressed.
Post # 9
Stay out of it and refer any questions you get directly to the best man. I agree it sounds like he hasn’t followed your fiance’s wishes exactly, but it’s not your problem to deal with, luckily. It’s the best man’s responsibility–let him deal with it.
Post # 10
I agree with PPS. STAY OUT OF IT!!! It’s not your business. If the best man went against your fiance’s prefernces, that’s between the two of them. Let him deal with it.
Post # 11
Yes to answer your question the date has been set for about a month and my fiancé told all of the family members to book off work. As much as I can appreciate it “not being my problem”, I am still the one being caught in the middle as the family really doesnt know the BM all that well.
My fiancé an I have had the talk as to what is acceptable and what is not but to say it in the nicest way, he never likes to rock the boat when it comes to his friends. He is very much a follower of the group.
I think my plan of action will just have to be sitting my fiance down and letting him know what has been going on. Then if he decides he needs to confront his BM he can. I would just feel too guilty holding my tongue and him being disappointed that the family couldnt come just becAuse his best man is planning something a parent wouldn’t want to see.<br />
Post # 12
MBradley: I would tell your FI and get him to make sure those people are invited. How rude of the best man.
For my FI’s bachelor party the best man called me, asked what weekends were ok, then planned it out and called me again to let me know exactly what they’re doing. I don’t think it’s necessary, but I really appreciated it. He also needed me on board because the bachelor party as well as the weekend is a surprise for my FI.
Post # 13
winterwoodlandbride15: I think that is so thoughtful of your BM. Besides the fact that he decided to do whatever he wanted and go against my fiancés wishes, I still feel really anxious about this whole secret from me. It just seems too shady! And yes, I can admit that I am “that” girl who the guys think has her man whipped and am too uptight. But my fiancé and I balance eachother out perfectly and we have never cared what they think about us. (My fiance is gone almost every weekend on “guy” hunting trips and fishing trips, so its not like he is lacking in bro time. He also goes out for beers and wings every Thursday with his group of friends he has had since highschool) This just seems to be a bit too far out there for my liking and my comfort zone…
Post # 14
MBradley: So much bro time! My FI prefers to hunt alone… what a loner… lol. He goes fishing randomly with friends, but in our group we’re the only ones who aren’t married and don’t have kids yet. That’s probably why it’s so laid back now. He does wing night with his brother… but I’m just jealous I don’t get wings, not that he’s hanging out with out me lol. Next time I’ll get him to order me wings… that would be delicious.
Anywho… I got lost in the wings sorry, ahha. I’m sure your FI will tell you where he’s going, you don’t have to be ‘controlling’ or ‘uptight’ to want to know… everyone would want to know. I would NOT be ok with my FI leaving for 3 days and have no ides where he is, just like I know he would be concerned if I did the same. It’s about respect for the relationship and your partner.