- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
So, my FI is out with a few of his mates at this very moment trying to decide on what to do for his bachelor party (our wedding is tiny and intimate so we have no bridal party hence no grooms men or best man) ... now the thng is that he's not into the strippers and i am soooo totally not comfortable with it either, he knows this and we have spoken bout it ... although im feeling sick in the stomach just thinking bout what they are organising and whether or not his mates are going to try to get him to a strip club etc ... i just hate the idea of some other woman toucjing, dancing round and aiming to arouse my future husband .. the only girl he shoudl enjoy seeing naked is me!! heehee ... so i am a little (okay - a LOT) worried and i reallllly wish he didnt even have to have this silly bachelor party thing!!!!!! but yesss that is totally unreasonable i know... i just wish i ddnt have to stress over this ...
neither of us are party people, we love being with eachother and we do everything together ... i didnt even want a bachelorette party coz i have never even been to a club!! but FI encouraged me to get the girls together and have a dinner and night out. and thats what im doing. clean, normal, safe and fun.
im just not into the stripper thing
I feel the same way about strippers and am DREADING his bucks night!! He has a best man and three groomsmen and they all LOVE strippers so he will not only have a stripper but also 6 topless girls handing out drinks and doing lap dancers during the night. The whole thing makes me feel sick!!!!! There is nothing I can do about it and yes he knows how I feel but I have no say and it will happen if I agree or not.
When he gets back from meeting with the guys ask him what they have planned and go from there. The night may not involve strippers many bucks parties dont. Good luck. I also think you should have a night out with the girls and the dinner is a good idea. It will help keep your mind occupied on the night and plus you deserve the time with your gilrfriends.
well he came back and we just had THE biggest fight i am so upset i am in dismay!!! :'(
let me set the scene for you first - so as you know i didnt really care for a bachelorette party for myself but the FI encouraged me and told me to go out and have a nice time with the girls and that he'll take me there and pick me up for my night out (seeing as ill drink a little bit) and then i can take him and pick him up
well he came back and we just had THE biggest fight i am so upset i am in dismay!!! :'(
let me set the scene for you first - so as you know i didnt really care for a bachelorette party for myself but the FI encouraged me and told me to go out and have a nice time with the girls and that he'll take me there and pick me up for my night out (seeing as ill drink a little bit) and then i can take him and pick him up and it was all sorted, i agreed we were happy and that was that.
im the type who has never stayed over night anywhere, the first time that will happen will be on my wedding night and so that moment is super special for me. my FI knows this and he knew my morals and views and he has never had a problem with it ... until now apparantly ...
To answer the question best I can...getting married is certainly a "coming of age" step in life and ripe with all kind of symbolism of your life and times changing. It's your "official" start of life as a unit and your own family, regardless of whether or not you're gonna have kids. His friends probably see it in two lights. In a sad light, as the "death" of their single friend (how many married men come out every weekend to the pub?) and in a happy light as they're no doubt happy for him to be making this big step. But they want to give their pal one last hurrah. Before things like guy's nights are far less frequent and no longer acceptable.
You did say you spend almost all your time together, so does he ever have the guy's nights out going on (not a party but just nights where he sees his mates or even one mate)? If he doesn't have any, well, the party would seem more like a forced tradition than the guys wanting to have that one last hurrah.
I can understand the worry but a lot of it is just that - he's marrying you! Not some stripper he may or may not see at a club during his stag do.
@littleG: Posted while you were posting, what's he have a prolem with now?? Saving it til the wedding??
Bachelor parties don't always have to be strippers, why don't they have a camping weekend or some hobby that he is into that he can do with the guys.
Why did you guys fight?
I agree with s_h_e_l_b_s. Bachelor parties these days don't have to be about strippers. It can be anything the guy likes to do, camping, white water rafting, paint ball... You say your FI doesn't even like strippers, so why are you so upset?
Your posts aren't making much sense!
What was your fight about? You not spending the night with him after he came home from his bachelor party?
SORRY FOR CAPS MY PHONE KEYPAD IS STUFFED UP... AND SORRY I HAVENT MADE MUCH SENSE MY NET SHUT DOWN OUT OF NOWHERE! OH THE DRAMAS!
OK SO THE BOYS HAVE PLANNED DINNER AND DRINKS AT A RESTAURANT/BAR IN THE CITY WHICH IM THRILLED BOUT... HES NOT INTO THE STRIPPER SCENE WHICH IS GOOD.... BUT THE ISSUE IS THAT HE WANTS TO NO LONGER HAVE ME PICK THEM UP AND TAKE THEM HOME (AS WEVE ARRANGED) BUT HE WANTS TO GET A HOTEL ROOM AND PASS OUT THERE IF THEY WANT..... NOW GIRLS PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME OR ABUSE ME FOR THIS BUT THHATS THE PART THAT UPSETS ME.... IVE NEVER STAYED OVERNITE IN A HOTEL OTHER THAN WITH MY PARENTS FOR A HOLIDAY, SO IM REAALLY SEEING OUR FIRST NITE TOGETHER IN A HOTEL AFTER OUR WEDDING AS SOMETHING REALLLLLY SPECIAL.... I WANT THAT MOMENT TO BE SAVED FOR US NOT JUST A BOOZY BOYS NITE OUT...
IV EXPLAINED MY REASONS BUT HE DOESNT AGREE, HENCE A FIGHT BROKE OUT..... WE HAVE 3 WEEKS TIL THE WEDDING... HES WAITED THIS LONG WHY RUIN IT NOW?
PLUS, HE VERY RARELY GOES OUT WITH THE BOYS NOW NOT LIKE WWHEN HE WAS YOUNGER AND BEFORE WE MET... SO THIS NIGHT OUT IS NOT LIKE HES SAYING GOODBYE TO CRAZY SINGLE LIFE....
AM I BEING UNREASONABBLE? PLEASE DONT BE RUDE TO ME XX THANNKS XX
But you won't be staying in the hotel with him after his bachelor party right?
So the first time YOU two spend a night in the hotel it will be special.
And trust me - him crashing at a hotel with his buddies is sooooo different from him spending a night in a hotel with you.
They will likely get a cheep tiny room, there will be two double beds and four guys squished in and it won't be romantic. Whereas on your wedding night it will likely be a nice room with one large bed and it will be super romantic.
I understand where you are coming from because this is something you want to experience with him but I think you need to understand how different it is! It won't take away from your wedding night at all!
I think you should pick your battles and this is one I think you should let go!
@littleG: Honestly I think you're being really unreasonable. He isn't going to see strippers which was your main concern so that's good on your end. But now that he's going out for dinner and drinks and wants to stay at a hotel (i'm assuming it's a hotel), you're upset with him because YOU'VE never stayed away from home before? (I'm not being sarcastic, I'm really asking this because your posts are a little hard to follow.)
I know you say he doesn't go out much anymore but that very well could be the reason he wants to go and spend time out with his friends. Some people might not go out much but when the opportunity comes along they're excited over it and want to have fun. Your FI staying in a hotel for his bachelor party won't take away from your wedding night being special. They are two totally different senarios and theres a big difference between getting drunk with the boys and crashing in a hotel and spending your first night together (which is what I'm getting from the posts that you two haven't spent a night together?)
WEVE NEVER SPENT THE NITE TOGETHER... AND I JJUST WOULD LLOVE IT TO HAVE OUR FIRST TIME IN A HOTEL ROOM TO BE OUR WEDDING NIGHT.... IM TOTALLY STUBBORN ON THIS COZ I KNOW THAT ID FEEL TOTALLY SICK, WORRIED, UPSET AND BETTRAYED FOR THE FACT THAT HE CANT RESPECT MY FEELINGS
I think you are overreacting. I honestly can't stand the stigma behind bachelor parties; they are not all about strippers, porn, girls or whatever! All my guys friends go hang out a a family farm, ride quads, shoot, bonfires and camp out. It was some of the wives bachelorette parties that were risqué and have caused problems! Why do men get the bad wrap? I think what your FI is doing is low key and perfectly fine. I really think you need to step back and see that he's an individual and I'm sorry but you are being a tad controlling if he can't sleep in a hotel with his friends bc you never experienced that alone. There is nothing wrong with it and honestly I would be upset too if DH was running my night out with friends. I'm sorry you are upset but people need to get over bachelor parties. If you can have a night out so can he.
@littleG: I'm also not understanding. Why do you care if he goes to a hotel with friends? You say you've never been to a hotel with anyone but your parents...but has he?
Your first time at a hotel TOGETHER will be special. That doesn't mean he's not allowed to go to a hotel with his buddies.
@littleG: So he has never stayed in a hotel either???
This seems like such a trivial thing. You even said that you have stayed in a hotel room with your parents before so it won't be your first time in a hotel room!!! But your wedding night will be the first night together in a hotel room.
I know you are upset and think that he should be respecting your feelings. However, he is respecting your feelings by not doing a "traditional" bachelor party and now you are upset over the hotel room. On this issue I think you should compromise and respect HIS feelings!
IM HAVING A DINNER OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS THEN GOING BACK HOME ... IM NOT A BIG DRINKER SO IM NOT GOING TO BE PASSING OUT ANYWAY
BESIDES THE MATES HE HAS R NOT ENTIRELY CLEAN IF U KNOW WHAT I MEAN... THEY ENJOY DOING CERTAIN RECREATIONAL THINGS..... AS IN NON PRESCRIPTION THHINGS ETC ETC ... I DO TRUST MY FI ENTIRELY ITS JUST I DONT LIKE THE IDEAA OF HIM PUTTING HIMMSELF IN THHAT ENVIRONMENT PLUS I REAAAAAALLLLLLLY WANT TO HAVE A HOTEL ROOM SPECIAL MOMENT
You're overreacting. A hotel room is just that - a place to sleep. Honestly, maybe you need to get out more.
@littleG: I'll probably catch flack for this....but how old are you?
I don't see the problem with them getting a hotel room to pass out in after a night of drinking. You've discussed the stripper thing, right? So he knows what you are and are not comfortable with. Do his friends know he isn't interested in strippers?
Guys need time to just be guys. It doesn't always have to involve naked women. They're going to go out, shoot the shit, have some drinks and then pass out, in a hotel room with a bunch of other guys. It is in no way going to ruin your wedding night. Please try to relax. :)
@littleG:So your FI's friends do drugs.....what's the point? They aren't your FI and if you trust him and know he doesn't do those things then whats the big deal? I've never been around someone who might use recreationally and have them try to force other people to do what they're doing. I think you need to give your FI way more credit.
I understand that you are upset about this, but you really need to let this one go.
I have stayed in hotel rooms with my family, with friends, with FI... even by myself. There is nothing special about hotel rooms!! It's a place to sleep at the end of a long day.
Your first trip to a hotel with your FI will still be special because it will be your first trip alone together. It's not the physical location that's important, it's the memories that you will make.
Please don't let this stress you out, your wedding is less than a month away... Focus on more important things... like marrying your wonderful man!
Regarding the friends....so what. It obviously wasn't an issue before if they are still his friends, so why are they now "trouble" bc of one night? You keep stating you don't go out, don't drink much. That's you. That doesn't mean he can't. You are not him and he is not you and I think he is respecting you as much as one possibly can. Let it go, it won't matter in the grand scheme of things.
Yes, a hotel is just a place to sleep... a night is one night....
However: I do believe if you are uncomfortable with ANYTHING that these guys are planning, that should be taken into account! I really don't get why so many bees think it's okay to just tell other bees to turn theirs heads away if something is really bugging them. Is one crazy bachelor night worth the guilt for years after... is it worth not trusting your FH entirely at the start of your marriage.
Call me ancient, but I think it's a wrong move for any guy to put his wife through that much stress right before the wedding.
Talk to him about it.... even if it seems silly, he should know how it's upsetting you. I think he should also be fair to you and tell you exactly what they'll be doing.
Best of luck!
Because it's not a wild, crazy night! He's going out to dinner and drinks after! Also in the beginning her only rule was no strippers and now she's not happy with this plan. Sorry, but where does it end? He can come back and still there will be something. So it's ok for him to bow down and do nothing bc of her issues? What if the roles were reversed? I think bees would be turning around saying he's controlling, he needs to get over it. If this was a birthday or another would it be ok then or is it an issue bc it has the title bachelor party?
Honestly, you are getting married to this man. You really need to try to think far beyond your first night together. By being so unreasonable about something so trivial you are setting out on the wrong note.
Your night will be very special, regrdless of whetehr he stays in a hotel with his friends now or not, so you needn't focus on that and make it an issue. There are no strippers so why do you care if he crashes out with his friends that night? People don't respond well to someone trying to control them so heavily and if it doesn't cause problems now, it will down the line.
Why is the hotel such a big deal? Is it a particular special hotel where you had decided to spend your night? I think as long as they don't stay in the bridal suite you are fine.
This.
Future MrsB (message) May 27, 2012
You're overreacting. A hotel room is just that - a place to sleep. Honestly, maybe you need to get out more.
TBH it sounds to me like you have some insecurity issues. Fortunately for you, the majority of your relationship, your FI hasnt played into these issues because he just so happens to have calmed his lifestyle down, and not spend time with his buddies. But in all honesty, is that really healthy? I dunno, I just think you should have your friends, he should have his and together you should have your relationship. It IS really important that you don't depend so much on him if you want to have a long healthy marriage. Why wouldn't you want to go out with your friends and have a great time on YOUR last night as a single woman?!?!
As far as the hotel thing, sorta sounds like just a silly excuse to justify your overreaction (sorry, but you wanted the truth!!)
I'm super confused. So he's not having strippers, but you're still mad? You said he rarely goes out with his friends, so why don't you let him have his fun for a night? Trust him! I doubt he'll do anything but drink, laugh, dance, and pass out. I don't see this as a big deal. If you two don't spend time away from each other, one of you may grow to resent it. It's okay to still have your own fun even when you're in a relationship.
On a sidenote: I cannot stand when women overreact to their man having a guys' night out. Women do it all of the time! Let your man have his fun and live his life. Just because you are married doesn't mean you're dead. He still has friends, hobbies, and interests. Not all guys' nights out deal with strippers and drunken rages. My FH's nights include pizza, a beer, and xbox - no girls. I think some women blow it up in their head and overreact before anything even happens. That's like giving a kid a spanking without them doing anything to deserve it.
I'm just curious: What would you do if his employer sent him on an overnight business trip? Clearly, he would have to stay at a hotel then, too. Would this upset you just as much?
Your wedding night in the hotel room will still be your first night in a hotel together, whether he stays with his friends after the bachelor party or not. I really don't see how it changes anything.
I'm sorry but being upset about him staying in a hotel room because you've never stayed in a hotel room with anyone but your parents is a little silly.
I really don't understand why crashing in a hotel for the night is causing you to flip out like this. He's not doing the stripper thing, so why are you so upset? Just because he is staying in a hotel and not going home??? That just really makes no sense. I can't honestly believe that your FI has never stayed in a hotel before. The fact that you two have not together until your wedding night will make it special.
I agree with pretty much everything from the PPs.
You two will still be able to have a wonderful new experience by having your first night together in a hotel room on your wedding night. It won't be the first time either one of you has stayed in a hotel, but that will not take anything away from your wedding night.
His bachelor party seems very tame and in line with what you wanted. I think you should let this one go.
That said, my FI had his bachelor party in Vegas last weekend - stayed in a hotel, went to a strip club, etc. I trust him, so it wasn't a problem. You should just appreciate that he is respecting all your other requests.
well while i appreciate everyones views and opinions the fact is that dont feel comfortable with it ... he knew how i felt bout it and he knows my views, and we're the type of couple who is very mindful of eachother and cares for eachothers feelings ... he's my best friend and vice versa, and doing the hotel thing is not his scene - he was only going to do it to coz thats what the boys wanted to do -
we spoke about it once we both calmed down and he understands my views - thats what i love bout him, he is very mindful of me as i am of him ... we care for eachother and dont want to make eachother worried or upset - we're very similar and we always work things out.
i told him my views on it and told him that they're my thoughts, he can make his own decision ... i dont want to tell him NO or YES - he has to make his own decisions with my feelings in mind - thats whats being in a relationship is all about.
he has decided that he's not doing the hotel thing - he saw how much that upset me and he decided against it - im very lucky i guess ... i got a very good guy ... but at the end of the day, they are my morals, my values and the way i was brought up, i cant help the way i feel.
@littleG: I don't understand how morals or values have anything to do with him going to a hotel without you, but I'm glad you guys were able to figure things out.
@littleG: So you guilted him into changing his bachelor party plans by stating you have strong feelings about hotel room sleeping? Do you have any other firsts that he will not be allowed to do until you are married? Like having a steak dinner? Or competing in a marathon? LittleG, this qualifies as one of the stranger man-controlling behaviors I've seen on these wedding boards (if I were to actually believe you). I'm gonna throw this out there, because I don't think you're insane: I think you may have talked yourself into thinking you have strong feelings about Your First Time In A Hotel Room, when you really just don't trust the bachelor party atmosphere and you fear what will happen in an overnight setting with these fellas who do not share your values. So instead of dealing with that fear, you made up this thing in your head about how you think spending the night in a hotel room is special and should happen first with your wife. I've known hundreds, if not thousands, of people in my life and I have never heard anyone express that this is special to them.
And now you are talking yourself into thinking that this is somehow his choice. Newsflash: you DID tell him what to do. You gave him no choice.
i'm going to anticipate a possible flaming here because i might be being harsh, but i'm going to call it like i see it.
1. his bachelor party plans were not inappropriate in any way
2. you are insecure
3. because of that insecurity, you are being unreasonable, controlling, and unfair. it sounds to me like you are getting everything you want and you could care less about what he actually wants for his bachelor party because you are more concerned with how you feel about it.
do you trust your fiance? if so, none of what you mentioned should be an issue. i really think you should try getting out more...
what they said. I think this is one of the more ridiculous threads I have read in a while
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| fishbone | 22 |
| SouthernGirl | 21 |
| mypinkshoes | 21 |
| kat2014 | 19 |
| ndreighton | 19 |
 vorpalette |
18 |
| Brielle | 17 |
| Samantha7 | 16 |
| les105 | 16 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| sunnywoods | 2 |
| julies1949 | 1 |
| caseyleigh10 | 1 |
| ladyartichoke | 1 |
| Bichon Frise | 1 |
| FutureMrs.Spencer | 1 |
| vorpalette |
1 |
| jatelynn | 1 |
| Nurse_Bee | 1 |
