Post # 1
While I entirely trust my fiance I utterly distrust his buddies who desptie being in their 30s still act like idiot frat boys. My faince has always been the “good guy” of his firends and they constantly see that as a challenge to get him to do stupid things. And over the years they have learned that incredibile amounts of alcholol that they pressure him into drinking is the way to get him in trouble. For this precise reason I never really got along with his buddies and the fact that they actually tried to pressre me into not only letting him have strippers but wanting me to tell him that I don’t mind touching makes me even that much more uncomfortable (I am not kidding they actually surrounded me at a bar while my fiance was in the bathroom telling me that unless I am totally insecure about myself and want to be a good future wife I need to make sure that he has a good time at his bachelor party which according to them ALWYAS means strippers and free touching).
My fiance has told me before we were even engaged that previous bachelor parties hosted by his friends all included stippers who for a little extra were really hookers (he never took part in this but told me about how his friends love it). His firends already booked hotel rooms and I know that this is coming even though my fiance has asked them not too. I know he would never in his right mind go for a hooker but I know that this is going to be the challenge of the night for all his fiends to get him to sleep with one. I already voiced my concern but he keeps dismissing it saying that they woun’t push him like that…but I have seen it happen with things like trying to get him to drive while totally intoxicated…so why not this. I am not sure if I just wait it out…and how do I keep myself from going crazy the night of the party when I know he is going to be in a hotel room with the strippers/hookers.
Post # 3
if you FI told his friends he doesn’t want hookers or strippers, they should respect him. to go against his wishes doesn’t sound like being friends, especially best man worthy.
on that night, you should make plans with your girlsfriends and keep yourselves occupied so you don’t think about what FI is doing.
your FI loves you and won’t do anything stupid.
Post # 4
IMO he needs to grow a spine and learn to stand up to his immature “friends.” These people obviously don’t really care for him as a human being or they’d care how his FI – you! – feels about this. So disrespectful!
This may be a good time to draw a line in the sand with your FI, or brace yourself for what’s to come, because it won’t be pretty.
Post # 5
I find it more concerning that he wants to remain friends with these people.
Post # 6
@Sunfire: Sounds like he does stand up for himself, which is why they’re so obsessed with trying to push him overboard.
@outhere2277: If he’s always been the good guy, I doubt he’s going to slip now, but that doesn’t even sound like fun for him if his friends are that disrespectful. I’d be sitting home feeling bad for him, not worrying about his judgement!
Post # 7
I am completely against stripper bachelor parties. I disagree with the whole “it’s their last night of freedom” mentality. If they wanted to grope naked women, they should have done that before getting in a relationship. They are not “free” anymore and if my FI were to have a naked woman on him groping him and trying to get him to sleep with her, I would consider that cheating.
And before I get flamed from people saying I am insecure, I have gone to a strip club with my FI before and he has had tits in his face. That didn’t bother me because we were doing it together as a couple and I knew he wasn’t doing anything inappropriate with them. I trust my FI completely but when people get drunk and have a lot of peer pressure, things happen.
I’ve told my FI that I would be very upset if he had strippers at his bachelor party and he respects me enough not to have them. If he were to have them even after I expressed my wishes, I would have serious doubts about our relationship.
I would tell him flat out that you do not agree with his plans and I’d even ask him to change them or cancel them. You should come first and he shouldn’t be doing things that make you feel uncomfortable.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t be OK with it, knowing these guys, their MO and what was said to you. Here’s a novel concept. Your FI doesn’t have to agree to this party at all.
Post # 9
@kes18: +1 about remaining friends with such immature jerks.
Post # 10
I don’t know how else to say this, so I’ll just come out with it: he is a grown man, and if all of this stuff really makes him *that* uncomfortable, he should be the one to decide that he doesnt need to be going on this little trip.
I have known so many gals whose FIs pulled the “but they MADE me…I told them I didn’t want to go to the club and they MADE me.” You’re an adult, no one ‘makes’ us do anything we do not want to do.
I can think of one friend whose FI told his friends no less than 20 times that the strip club wasnt going to fly and he didnt want to go. They assured him they’d just go golfing and to lunch…guess where they pulled up after golfing? The club. And guess what her FI did? Told them to drive off and take him somewhere else or take him home, because he told them he didnt want to go.
These “immature friends” can force and bug and pester your guy all they want…but at the end of the day, he has the choice not to surround himself with them in the first place if he really thinks they’ll pressure him.
Post # 11
@weddingmaven: Since I have come into the picture he has become much looser friends with them and admits that most of them are not out there for each others best interests but says he grew up with them in his life so he doesn’t want to completely dismiss them from his life. But lets just say he went from hanging out with them every single weekend both days to maybe hanging out once or twice a month…they really are jerks to him and to each other.
Post # 12
@badabing88: +1. Exactly this. I think people often use the excuse that other people “made them” but I feel it’s a cop out. It is all about priorities – is what your partner wants more important, or what your buddies want? If my FI was too immature to choose me, then he would not be my FI.
Post # 13
@outhere2277: Hey love! So Im the door girl at a strip club — have been for 6 years now… (Good money– I work Fri & Sat shifts) — Anyways I can tell you that if your FI doesnt stand up, sternly, he WILL be pulled into the strip club world.. If you are not comfortable with that, you better tell your FI you are not playing games about this.
I can say each bachelor party varies on how they act/how douchey they are… Ive seen everything from the bachelor himself asking me which girl “rides d*ck best” & last weekend there was a bachelor who was quite OBVIOUSLY upset and did NOT want to be there — & he sulked inside because he wanted to please his loser friends apparantly.
I will say that if you know your FI wont tell his buddies to fuck off, he will most likely end up at the clubs. All I can tell you is you have to trust in your FI & make it KNOWN this is a serious issue for you.
Post # 14
If you really trust your FI, his ‘untrustworthy’ friends are irrelevant. No one makes adult men do anything they don’t want to do, you should not be concerned if you actually trust him.
Post # 15
@MrsPanda99: Of course it is. If you are a 30+ year old man and still cite “peer pressure” as an excuse for something, it’s time to pull your head out of your ass.
I’m lucky in that BF is 40 and outgrew strip clubs about 10 years ago, but I understand they are still novel for certain guys who have only been able to go for a few years. He has a couple of bachelor friends that will try to “make” him go, but he’ll be the first to say that 89% of groomsman use the bachelor party as excuse for THEM to get a free pass to see some outside titties: “But Honey, it’s Mike’s *bachelor party*! He’s EXPECTING us to take him to the club.”
Post # 16
@Barbiestylez: +1 I used to work in the club atmosphere too and still have quite a few friends who dance. I’ve noticed that SOOOO many women tune out stories like ours, and are never willing to believe their sweet, perfect man could *ever* not only secretly WANT to go the club, but might act like a different person when he’s there.
ETA: I really don’t have an issue with BF going to the club…if no one minds me joining as well. We almost went to a local one saturday night after a wedding with all of the groomsman. I agree, though, OP, that if YOU are not ok with him going, tell him.