Bachelor Party worries…

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Why don’t you talk to him and his brother and a friend or two?  When something could happen that would derail the wedding, I think it should be discussed in clear terms so they know just how much to avoid it and what all they’re risking if they don’t. For my FI, he’s been to strip clubs before but strippers, callgirls, and other women are to have no place in his last celebration w his guys as he prepares to marry me. No touching of any kind, no nudity, no long flirting or exchanging numbers, nothing. 

I would also bluff them out (which I happen to be good at) and tell them that no matter what, I obviously will find out if something goes down, no matter how hard they try to hide it. And when (not if, bc I definitely will) I find out, even more so if I find out on my own instead of my FI coming clean on his own right away, all bets are off. Even if I find out a year or two into the Marriage Or the night before. 

im considering saying that anything my FI does with another woman (whether flirting, touching, lapdance, nudity, anything), I will do with another man, just on principle. That might hammer the point home. 

Post # 3
Member
3341 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Talk to your FI about how you are feeling. The way you feel is common and your feelings are valid. If you feel like it might have an impact on the wedding, or your feelings for him the he needs to know. you don’t want him to go to a strip club and then you resent him for it and question the wedding/not be as happy on your wedding day when it could be avoided! Tell him these feelings have recently been creeping up and you know that  if he does have strippers then you will not be okay with it and it could be harmful to the relationship. 

Your FI needs to make it clear to his GM that he does not want strippers. My FI told his GM he not want strippers and would not participate if they where planned. No strippers were planned. When they were out his friends tried to convince him to go to a strip club and he said no.

It sounds like you have a great guy and you have a great, trusting relationship. I think just a simple conversation will be all you need!!

and have fun at your party!

Post # 4
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

kaylaann:  I couldn’t agree with you more. It is not a last night of being single given that an engaged man is about as far from single as they come. I don’t understand why paying for such disrespectful behaviour is okay but if the same thing was done without money, it would be cheating. The behaviour remains the same regardless of money changing hands.  

If you are that uncomfortable with it, you really should tell him. Your feelings, whether anyone else validates them or not, should be more important to him than what his friends and brother want to do. I’d have a similar reaction to you (which I imagine won’t be popular here but it is what it is) and I know my FI wouldn’t put himself in a situation like that. 

I hope he sticks to his word and that you have nothing to worry about! How would he feel if you did the same thing, except you didn’t have to pay? Any behaviour that can crack the foundation of your marriage should not be participated in before your wedding. Some women would be fine with a party like this but you don’t have to be one of them!

Post # 5
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

why do men have to make it such s big deal?

kaylaann:  Some men think of their bachelor party as some sort of last hurrah, while others can enjoy a simple night out with friends (my husband and I had dinner and game night with friends).  Like other PPs have said, if something about this makes you uncomfortable you need to be able to talk to him about it.  I personally never understood the point of bachelor parties with strippers, it seems to cause far more problems than anything.

Post # 6
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

kaylaann:  Talk to your FI about your concerns.  They are legitimate and reasonable.  See what he says and ask for reassurance that he will keep things in check and ask how he will deal with any peer pressure from his friends to go along with things or risk looking uncool.  If there are things neither if you want to happen like their going to strip clubs, then he needs to be responsible for telling whomever is organizing the party that its off-limits.

Dont feel guilty. The “traditional” bachelor party is way past time for an ovehaul.  

Post # 8
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you truly have discussed this with him, and he has assured you that he won’t be participating in those things, then you really don’t need to worry. Your FI is a grown man who loves you. If he doesn’t want to go to a strip club, he won’t.

Post # 9
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

This post has me a bit puzzled. On the one had, OP, you sound like you trust your FI and have no reason to be worried.

On the other hand, it sounds like the whole purpose of this weekend is to be near strippers. It doesn’t sound like they plan on spending the weekend fishing. That’s the part that would annoy me.

My brother and his buddies often go to someone’s cabin or whatever, and they all like to drink. But the cabins don’t “happen” to be near strip clubs. And his friends would never set up a bachelor weekend like that for him b/c they are his FRIENDS. 

Your FI’s friends all sound like douches. So… your FI is going to a cabin near a strip club with a bunch of douchey cheaters to “party hard.”

I’m sorry to say that I think there’s a very good chance that your FI will be watching a stripper. It sounds like they’ve arranged it so it would be nearly impossible NOT to.

Post # 10
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

P.S. What is motorboating?

ETA: nm, I looked it up. Um…. EW.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  prahajess.
Post # 11
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I think I said no strippers no getting so wasted that you end up hospitalized…do you know what is now being planned? A casino trip in the evening after a day of paint balling. Good man fun with no real concern, except icing some welts. If he goes to a strip club he knows I will not support it and has made it clear to his brother not to plan that way. Still, your situation was that his friends just happened to book a cabin near strip clubs?? A cabin? A place where the only entertainment besides a stripper would be food and beer (which, okay my BIL did do a get wasted in tents outside night)—he will likely have a stripper. If his paws are off of her and he does not cheat you are either going to have to have a chat with him about respecting your requests (he is a grown man and could have controlled this situation) or just let it go. If he cheats? Dump him or fkeep him and get to couple’s counselling. 

Post # 12
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

kaylaann:  If you’re afraid “to lose your FI” at his bachelor party…. I think there’s a problem.

Post # 13
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

kaylaann:  if you trust him you trust him and it shouldn’t matter what the people he’s with do. If you’re afraid he will do something wrong because of other peopke you don’t actually trust him and you guys have bigger issues to worry about then a possible stripper giving him a lap dance.

Post # 15
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

kaylaann:  I feel for you and what you’ve been through. honestly, the fact your fiancé knowa all of this and still decided to have a bachelor party is telling. I can’t imagine my husband doing something he knew would upset and worry me. I’m sure everything will be just fine. Since you can’t change it now, I would use it as an exercise for moving past some of the insecurities you have.

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