- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I say accommodate as many people as possible while still keeping your sanity and doing what's best for you. If that weekend works for everyone else, then schedule it for then, and BM in question can leave earlier than everyone else. There's no point in re-arranging everyone else's schedules for this one bridesmaid.
Aww. Well a first anniversary is important. But I'm not one to make that big of a deal. I mean if she was planning on a weekend away with him, then she couldn't make anything with you that weekend. And I don't see that big deal in missing the morning. But to each her own. She obviously wants to make him breakfast in bed or have sex all day or whatever. That's fine.
But you said, all of the other weekends, someone else had something going on. Well she might feel a little slighted that this was her weekend she had something going on, and it's being encroached on. (So perhaps she is being more stubborn than she needs to be??) Were your girls planning on going so far away she couldn't even join you on Sat.?
You can either change it to months before your wedding (not crazy about that), have it the weekend you want and allow her to leave on Sat. (or totally go someplace far, and she'd have to skip entirely), or have a simpler bach party for just an evening with all of your girls. I guess you have to decide what is most important to you. While a weekend away sounds super, personally I would opt for less burden on my maids (financially, time wise, effort in planning.)
I agree with what most people have said: go with what works best for everyone. I know that if I was in your BM's place I would have a tough time making the decision & maybe even whine a bit about it, but that's *her* problem to deal with. She'll have to make the choice of what she wants to do (make separate arrangements so she can come home Saturday or not go or whatever) and you just shouldn't worry about it. If April works best for you, that you should definitely go with it.
I agree with Maestro. If your BM wants to leave on the Saturday night to go and be with her husband, she can do that. I wouldn't want my bachelorette being too far in advance either, and it sounds like this works best for everyone else.
Ok, we were trying to do the same thing and one of the weekends that worked best for us fell on one of my BM's first annys too. We moved my bach party. You get ONE first anny. You can always have a party on another date.
Yes, you can keep your sanity, but you also need to realize that other people have lives too and their lives matter just as much as yours does. Put yourself in her shoes. Wouldn't you want to wake up next to your hubby on your first anny? I mean come on!
Thanks for the feedback, ladies! I completely understand where she's coming from, even though I personally am not very sentimental about anniversaries. I don't think that any one commitment is more important than another, and I understand that to my bridesmaids their commitments are ALL equally important. For me, the main issue is just the schedules of 6 other girls versus 1 girl. And honestly, it's a lot easier to reschedule an anniversary than it is to reschedule Easter (obviously) or an overseas business trip or a crazy rotation schedule at the hospital that already turned down her request for other weekends. :(
I have absolutely no problem with her leaving on Saturday night, but according to my other BMs she doesn't want to leave on Saturday, which I can understand too. From what little they're telling me, it sounds like they're thinking of Cabo (a few hours' flight from LA) or Santa Barbara.
I've told all of the BMs who have approached me about this, over and over, that I'm TOTALLY fine with dinner and drinks and that we really don't have to go anywhere -- especially given the scheduling difficulties. Believe me, I really, really appreciate what they're doing and want to make it as easy on them as possible! But they all insist on going on a trip...I think for them it's also just a nice getaway.
I don't know...I just feel so bad no matter what! It makes more sense for the group as a whole to go in April, but I also really don't want anyone to feel snubbed.
if you want her to be there, then reschedule,
but understand that if you don't she'll probably miss out (i would too...i wouldn't miss an anniversary)
If I were your BM, I would definitely be upset if your bachelorette party was intentionally scheduled on my first anniversary. The date was hers first. I'd likely not go on the bach trip and stay home to celebrate my anniversary. But at the same time I'd be mad that I had to miss the trip. And like Tanya said, it seems like you are singling her out when you pick the weekend that she can't make it as opposed to the weekend someone else can't make it (I know someone has to miss out, but why her?).
I think you should do something locally if all your girls can't get together for an entire weekend, especially because it sounds like they all really want to attend.
I think the first anniversary is really important, I totally see where she's coming from. You say that the other BMs cannot reschedule... well, if I was her I would feel like you're saying their appts are more important than hers.
I'd either ask that you find an earlier weekend where you can ALL make it, or ask your BMs if they'd mind nixing the weekend away for a one night affair.
I also think staying and doing something locally is the answer in this particular situation. Esp. since you really want her there. If you didn't care whether she was there one way or the other, that might be different. But seems like doing it somewhere close to home would accomodate everyone. 
I would send them all an email and say that you would prefer the bachlorette to be in April. That you would love to go on a trip, but it's also important for you to have everyone there. Then tell them to work it out amongst themselves. They can draw straws, rethink the trip, etc. I think it shouldn't be a burden to you.
Thanks everyone. I'm not trying to make it sound like I think that other appointments are more important than hers. I don't think that at all, and I'm not putting value judgments on any of their commitments. The only difference is that the other BMs cannot reschedule things like work-mandated business trips, hospital rotation schedules, law school finals, a sister's wedding, or Easter -- it's out of their control. I understand her wedding anniversary is also set, but it's a little easier for her to celebrate it a day later if she had to. From what I've heard my other BMs, it sounds like they're also a little more annoyed because it's HER -- when she got married, she was unaccommodating and ungrateful about many things, so I think that stuff is simmering underneath all of this too.
I am in the process of telling them all that we should just do a dinner, but they are really insistent on a trip...we'll see how it goes, but I really like Lamb's idea of having them work it out themselves! :P I love that they're so excited about the bachelorette party and WANT to do a trip, but it's getting a little stressful!! Thanks again!
I think you should bump it to Jan/Feb. It's not fair to the one BM that you pick her wedding anniversary weekend over other work commitments, etc. You have a group of very busy girls - and I don't think anyone should balk if it has to be early because everyone has scheduling issues. I'd get a Jan/Feb date scheduled ASAP and have a great time with your gals!!
i just had my bachelorette weekend last weekend (a surprise trip to vermont!), and due to our busy schedules we ended up having it a few months in advance. it didn't seem like any less of a celebration/bachelorette party just because it's a little early. plus i don't take stress/excitement very well, so i was actually glad to get it over with early. i'll have enough going on during the actual wedding month, i was actually able to appreciate our trip and relax and have fun.
OK so your other BMs were in her wedding? And they have a bit of a grudge about how she behaved as a bride? Is that correct? If that is the case, I don't think I'd recommend that you let them all hash it out. Your other Bms will simply gang up on her.
I might be changing my advice a little but I think you need to decide what's more important, having you b-party in Cabo, or having it close to your wedding. If you are set on Cabo (and who can blame you) I think you should actaully look into having it earlier in the year when everyone can make it. If you want it to be closer to your wedding, you have to make it local. I know the girls are pushing something more extravagent. But you are the bride, right?
If it were me, it would be more important to me to have everyone there that I want there and either not go away so that your BM would not miss her first anniversary (which, IMO, isn't able to be "rescheduled" - that's the day she got married after all) or do it one of the earlier months. I don't think it makes the bach party any less of an event just because it isn't super close to the wedding. If anything, I think it would make things easier since once you get closer to the wedding you'll have tons more to do.
I think the real issue is that you think celebrating a first anniversary is just as simple as rescheduling when a lot of people don't feel that way... and especially this is a little sad for her b/c you're letting them gang up on her by pushing this weekend! If they had differences, they did then... tell them all to put it in the past and either choose another weekend or deal with it earlier. If this was one of my friends, whether she was a bit selfish or not, her anniversary weekend would have never been an option. Just a suggestion.
Yes, anniversaries are important, but if it works best for everyone else and you'd like to go away for the weekend, I say go for it. Especially if its somewhere she can get back home to in the morning. If the anniversary fell on a weekday, they would be working during the day, right? But what do I know, I'm not married and we're not big on annivesaries.
Anyway, if you and your girls did want to go away for the weekend, could you do an alternate pre-bach party in the winter locally, with dinner and drinks? That way everyone can celebrate, and you can have a girls weekend away in April? You can always pay for your dinner and drinks if people felt uncomfortable paying twice, but you'd still be able to celebrate with everyone.
My other BMs are not ganging up on her, and I definitely am not/would not "let them." I am in no way pushing her anniversary weekend, otherwise I wouldn't be asking for advice on what to do, telling my BMs that we should just do a dinner (giving us many more options), etc.! Everyone is trying to be very accommodating, and no final decisions have been made yet. As I've said before, I don't think that any one commitment is more important than the other -- it's really not my place to judge that. From what I've heard, it's just been nightmarish trying to schedule everything among 6 girls.
I probably didn't explain this too well -- yes, a few of the other BMs are a little hurt and upset by the way they were treated while this BM was getting married (and by longer, complicated histories in general), but they are NOT taking it out on her by purposely forcing this weekend and they're not dwelling over it and somehow plotting their revenge or anything. My friends are not that catty or petty, and I wouldn't be such close friends with them if they were! :) They're all trying to accommodate her as much as it makes sense to in the grander scheme of everyones' schedules. I just think they'd privately feel less happy about accommodating her given everything that's happened, but obviously they still would.
Thanks again for all the input and different opinions!
Ok, I understand a little bit better now.
I honestly think you may just have to reschedule earlier. I mean, obviously no one's schedule is going to give, and it's unfair to force her to be the one who has to "suck it up." I doubt it would feel any less like a bachelorette party--why not just do one early and then go out near home a little closer to your day to celebrate in a smaller way?
Good luck!
I still think that you and your BMs aren't doing anything wrong by trying to plan to go away that weekend. It sounds like no matter when you do it, someone will be left out and they will have to just deal with it. I don't think it matters what the reason is for a girl not being able to come - they all sound equally serious commitments, but you have to give it up to whichever date accomodates the *most* people.
On another note, can't you do both? Go out for a casual dinner & drinks that will be inexpensive in Jan/Feb and go on your weekend trip in April, too. That sounds like it could make everyone happy (and if your BM is still unhappy with you going on the April trip, then you know you've all done all you can to accomdate her).
Personally, I'd go with Ms. Lamb's suggestion. Let your friends know your preferences and then let them work it out. This is so not your problem.
Honestly, I don't think I've ever been to a bachelorette party where everyone invited could make it, so someone (obviously not you!) may have to be left out. I know that mine, whatever it is, will be very early, just like my shower - my MOH/little sister is spending the entire summer in Europe, and there's no rescheduling that!
You're lucky to have such good friends who really want to come/throw you a bachelorette. That said, no matter how close I am to a friend, my husband will always come first and anniversaries are very important to us. No one can judge the importance of another's schedule and if you want everyone to be able to come, you need to find a date that everyone can come. If you want to have a b-party in April, have a b-party in April with the guest list that can make it. Choose your own priority rather than trying to figure out if hospital schedules or anniversaries can be moved.
Majority rules. If the rest of the girls can go and April and she can't, then too bad.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| fishbone | 22 |
| SouthernGirl | 21 |
| mypinkshoes | 21 |
| kat2014 | 19 |
| ndreighton | 19 |
 vorpalette |
18 |
| Brielle | 17 |
| Samantha7 | 16 |
| les105 | 16 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| caseyleigh10 | 9 |
| Leahhh | 2 |
| gingerlylove | 2 |
| Miss Shaezel | 1 |
| 2dBride | 1 |
| Loribeth | 1 |
| thursdayschild | 1 |
| likelimeade | 1 |
| mandypop | 1 |
| Adalita | 1 |
I would really appreciate any feedback that you have. I'm getting married next June so I know it's a REALLY early to start planning for a bachelorette party, but a few of my bridesmaids have hectic schedules that make early-planning necessary (finals, graduation, rotation schedules, Easter, weddings, business trips). I'm fine with anything -- dinner and drinks, Vegas, whatever. My BMs won't tell me exactly what they're planning, but they all want to take a weekend trip somewhere and are insisting on it. And hey, I'm not going to say no to a fun weekend getaway with my favorite girls! :)
The issue is, one of the BMs' first year wedding anniversary happens to be on the Sunday of the ONLY weekend that works for all of us in the 2-3 months before the wedding (no other commitments, everyone can be there). We are leaving from wherever we go on Sunday anyway so she'd make it back for dinner, but she says that she wants to spend the whole day with her husband so leaving earlier in the morning is not good enough. She absolutely does not want to reschedule her anniversary, which is understandable, but my other BMs' commitments CANNOT be rescheduled. All of the other weekends, at least I, or one other BM, will not be able to make the whole weekend. This BM is excited about the trip and really wants to go, but scheduling is very difficult. She knows that that weekend is the ONLY one that EVERYONE else can go, but she just refuses to miss even the morning of her anniversary.
My MOH jokingly suggested that since scheduling is so difficult, we have the bachelorette party in January/February. The BM with the wedding anniversary now really wants us to have the bachelorette party then, but I know the other BMs would rather have it in April. To be honest, I would also prefer to have the party in April too -- I don't know if I'm being too selfish or bridezilla, but having my bachelorette party SO far in advance doesn't really feel like a bachelorette party.
What do you guys think I should do? I'm hearing from a lot of people (BMs included) to schedule it for April, and if she doesn't want to leave early then she doesn't have to come. I would prefer for her to be there, though. Am I just being a baby about it, and should I just have the bachelorette party in January or February?