(Closed) Bachelorette Party Dilemma

posted 10 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Sorry your plan isn’t working out!  I know it can be hard to get all of your frinds/bridesmaids in one place at one time!! Maybe you could plan to have it the Thursday before your wedding (assuming your wedding will be on a Saturday) in the city where the wedding will be.  That way, the girls could just come one day early, and you can have your party, instead of everyone making 2 trips? 

Post # 4
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m doing what ashlop2 mentioned. My friends live all over and have kids as well. I’m having mine two days before the wedding in town, so everyone will be able to make it.

Post # 5
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I would just have an extravaganza with the few girls that can make it and plan to have a blast. With less people to worry about, you can spend more money, worry less, concentrate on enjoying your company, and do something a bit over the top!

Post # 6
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

I am planning a fun weekend trip with my two best friends (who would be MOH’s if i were having a wedding party) and AFTER we have the plans nailed down we’re inviting some other girlfriends but I wouldn’t be disappointed at all if it was just the three of us. 

Post # 7
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Although I feel for you, I completly understand the married women with children declining the invitation.  It’s not as easy as "hun, could you watch the kids for the weekend?"  First of all breastfeeding.  Second of all, I work, and the weekend is when I really get to spend time with the kids, and my husband for that matter.  Thirdly, I usually have my weekends packed full with grocery shopping, cleaning, kids activities, ect.  Actually, even attending a wedding could be hard. 

For my bachlarette party I traveled to the town where most of my girls live, and only about half could make it.  We went to a local bar with a great band.

Your hubby is extremmly lucky to have such a great bachlor party.  I say you should have all your bridesmaids buck up the cash and send you to an awesome spa for the day.  Or do what someone else said and hold it the thursday before the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I know I was going through a similar situation as well.  My MOH didn’t even throw me my bachelorette party because she just got married herself a couple of months before. 

(I feel thats no excuse since our weddings are 5 months apart AND her parents paid for her whole wedding, and my fiance and I are paying for our wedding.  THE WHOLE THING.)  But this a whole different story in itself.

Anyway, long story short, one of my beautiful bridesmaids took it upon herself to help organize one for me.  I’m from the SF bay area, so we took a short trip to LA for couple days (where I used to go to college) with some of my old college roomies.  

It was an intimate affair and by no means compared to my fiance’s bachelor party, which took place in Cabo San Lucas for 6 days!  It was frustrating at first, but I just had to roll with the punches and make due with what was available for everyone to do.  We ended up having a blast on my old stomping grounds of college!  It was just a bunch of girls being silly, and to tell you the truth we would have had just as much fun wherever we went.  

I agree with Cricket and Ashlop – in the event that you can’t even have a mini-getaway with the girls – try to have it a couple days before your wedding.  It’s frusting, I know, but since you are having a desitnation wedding, everyone’s budgets are probably already stretched with that trip already.  

Hope everything works out for you!

Post # 9
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

i’m having 2 bachelorettes one in miami and one in san diego since my BP and my friends are all over the place; the funny thing, my married friends (with kids) on the west coast would much rather ditch the kids and the hubbs and fly to miami than stay more local and go to san diego and the married ones on the east coast and midwest would rather ditch their hubbs and kids and take a 3 day weekend in san diego…

but in all reality – we could be in the middle of nowhere and still have a great time – it’s just about the people and sharing time with great friends that’s important, no?? 

ita with the pp who suggested the thursday nite shinding! have fun!

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I’m lucky because my MOH checked everyone’s schedules and travel requirements in advance so we could pick a weekend and locale that worked best for the group.  Even with that we could only find a weekend where 4 of the 6 bridesmaids could make it!

I had another friend who had a wedding in another country and then had a destination bachelorette party too! I was already spending a lot to get to her wedding, so just felt like enough was enough and didn’t make the bach.  I know that only a small number did – mostly for the same reason.  A destination wedding is already asking a lot of people, so try to take that into consideration too – people probably feel like they are already doing a lot to honor you by going!

And guys take these things much more seriously, so try not to compare if possible!  Be happy for your fiance and try and do something with your wedding party before the wedding!  enjoy

Post # 11
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I’m sorry to hear about your dilemma- would rescheduling help? A friend had her bachelorette in Napa and her MOH planned 5 months in advance and everyone came practically- 14 people flew into to SF and none were from there. It was amazing.

Can you change the date/location?? Event though Chicago is pretty central- do you think the location deterred anyone??

If not do something locally with your local friends . . . 

Post # 12
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

well i had a shower over the weekend and invited 30 some girls; only 12 rsvped yes to come but 4 showed up at the shower and 3 showed up at the party after… the rest canceled the day off or just plain forgot.. as everyone says, just roll with the punches.. can’t take it personally..  we all still end up having a great time and the best of the bunch celebrated with me and that’s all I could ask for.

Post # 13
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

It looks like I am having sort of a series of mini-bachelorette parties.  I have lived all over the country, and consequently my girlfriends are kind of scattered.  Luckily I am doing a little bit of travelling in the couple of months before the wedding, and so will be in a couple of cities where a few of the girls live.  When I emailed them my travel plans, they very nicely said that we would have to go for dinner and drinks and some general mayhem (most of my friends are also married, so I’m not sure what that entails!) 

I do have one single girlfriend in Las Vegas, and she really wants to do a weekend bachelorette there.  I am hoping that a few friends could make it there, but I think it will end up being just 3 or 4. 

So no big blowout for me either.  Although my FI is just having a golf weekend with his three best friends (at a pretty fancy resort, actually) so he argues that I am actually getting way more action than him.

Post # 14
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I wouldn’t be frusturated or hold it against anyone.  They have already committed to going to your destination wedding which is a great expense and committment – I’m sure they are declining b/c they can’t do it all for vacation or financial or family reasons.  You and your MOH should spoil yourselves for a weekend together – it can be just as fun as having a big bash.

Post # 15
Member
44 posts
Newbee

While I understand your disappointment at not having a party, I am not surprised at the other women’s reactions.  All of my BMs and MOH are scattered across the country and in Europe, and not only would I be amazed if they actually made *another* trip in addition to making it to my wedding, I would feel downright uncomfortable even asking them to.  Life is busy, money is usually tight, and especially if there are kids involved, I feel like asking them to come for a bachelorette party is too much.  I plan to hang with the girls after the rehearsal on the night before the wedding and count myself lucky that they all love me enough to travel hundreds, even thousands, of miles to be at my wedding with me.  

Post # 16
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I can understand how frustrating it is,  but that’s just one of the challenges of having friends all over the country and having a destination wedding.   If I were you, I’d just have a fun weekend with your MOH.  Sometimes it’s easier when it’s just a few of you.

I’m trying to organize a bachelorette party for my best friend, I’m her MOH and it has definetly been a challenge.  Her wedding is in May and I was originally contacted by her other bridesmaid back in August because she wanted to know when the party was so she could make sure to have the time off and be able to travel to it.  so we set a date, April 19th, she said she booked the time off and booked a hotel. then 2 weeks ago she emailed me to let me know she can’t get the time off and won’t be traveling.  No big deal, things come up,  but I just found it frustrating because she hwead made me book a date way back in August because she wanted to attend.I feel kind of bad for my best friend because out the 15 people I invited, only 4 people are could attend and most of the people invited live in the city where the party will be (just dinner and drinks, maybe some bar-hopping).   You can’t win them all.  But it turned out to be good that it was just a small group of us because we ended up postponing it until next weekend because of snow (yep, that’s right, a blizzard in April).  So talking to everyone and changing the plans was pretty easy when it was a small group. 

 Good luck with your party, but just be happy you have a wonderful MOH that wants to organize something for you 🙂

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