- 3 years ago
Bear with me. I really need some help with this situation. I’m confused and very, very stressed out.
Back at the beginning of summer our friends (our best friends are a couple) asked us about a bach/ bachelorette party and if we were ok with it being on the same day because they had a busy summer and the date seemed agreeable to all. We said ‘sure, no problem whatevers easiest for you guys’. The date was set, we were asked for a list of people and we provided our lists.
As planning went ont things started getting confusing.. My brother ignored our friends texts and emails about planning something. My FIs brother kept suggesting ridiculously elaborate plans that my FI would hate, he was the buffer and turned all of them down. They settled on going to a baseball game during the day, dinner, and out afterwards. Our friends told us this information because they wanted to, and we’re not big on surprises nor tradition. The plan for me was facial, hair done, make up done, dinner, and out. Which is ridiculous elaborate and not at all necessary, I said I don’t need all that! I just want to hang out.
In the planning it turned out the date wasn’t working for some people who were being invited, so we suggested having a group dinner as we think it would be easy and fun. They said ‘great idea! Whatever you guys want!’ and that was that. Our rationale for this was that we just want this to be simple, low-cost, and easy for our friends who are planning.
We heard from our friends that both of our brothers were driving him crazy and that my brother would be contacting my mom to ‘deal with this’ (the joint dinner idea), our friend laughed at this and mentioned thinking it was ridiculous and immature. His reasoning for hating the group idea is that he wanted to take my FI to a strip club and it would be ‘weird’ for him if I were there, which is fair enough. We said to our friend ‘don’t worry about him, and if you want to hit a strip club just go out after dinner, nbd’. He agreed that it was not a big deal and the group idea was still fine and we’ll play the evening out by ear regarding going to a strip club.
Well, I just got off the phone with my mom who has been given inaccurate information by my brother about the situation and basically berated me for being manipulative and selfish and told me to stay out of the situation. Which we have, unless asked specific questions by our friends or in the case of suggesting a group dinner, our friends were updating us about some of the scheduling conflicts and we wanted to help them problem solve. I was also asked for restaurant suggestions from our friend, to which I obliged after saying, ‘we’ll be happy with whatever’ and they ended up choosing somewhere that I didn’t even suggest (this isn’t a problem, but will make sense in a minute).
Basically my brother told my mom that the he talked my FI about the costs of this event and how they’re spiraling out of control and people couldn’t afford it. He didn’t talk to my FI about this, the only problem he spoke to him about was attending a strip club with his sister and he really wanted to spend time with just my FI (Which he can do any time he pleases, but doesn’t. He was near our place about a week ago and didn’t care to hang out with him then. Or any other time.). We felt that he was trying to manipulate the situation to make my FI feel bad that it was a group thing and not the traditional seperate parties, well that was the end of the conversation because my brother stopped talking to my FI. My FI was hurt by this and felt like he was manipulated by my brother, he also tried to talk to him this week about something unrelated and got a simple answer. Nothing more.
So now, my FIs day is a baseball game, dinner, and then out after. Mine is spa, dinner, and out after. All we wanted was a night out of fun with our friends, the people planning made an entire day out of it and were not concerned about the cost until now and the blame for the high cost is being put on us. I didn’t suggest the place they chose, they chose it on their own and made a reso, my friend later brought it up in convo asking if it was a cool spot. I said ‘yes, very’. That was that.
I’m so confused about how to proceed. We had no say in planning this entire day affair, we’ve been staying out of it as much as we possibly can. If people have issue with the cost, why did they plan it? Also, if my brother was so concerned about keepings costs down why did he ignore our friend when he tried to involve him in the planning AND when he did decide to get involved why did he suggest a beer tour that cost over $100 per person?
Based on my previous post under this name, I obviously have anxiety issues to begin with. This is just making me sick, I didn’t even want a bach party let alone one that people are uncomfortable with. I’m literally sick over it, I just want to marry my FI not cause issues with my family and friends over a silly night out.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IN THIS SITUATION?