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I have been in your position twice as an out of town bm. And its been expected of me both times I was a bridesmaid that I would attend the bachelorette parties etc.
As a bride, if one of my bridesmaid did not make it to the bachelorette party, I would be very upset(unless it was a serious family situation). I feel like it's apart of your duties. If you're having a hard time paying for it, did you mention it to the organizer of the party?
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I really think it depends on how far away you are. If you're an hour by car,I think it would be great if you attended. If you have to get a plane and extend your stay and then do it again in a few weeks,I don't think that's one bit necessary. Nice,but not necessary,and hopefully no one makes you feel bad about it if you can't go.
As long as I had a lot of other people at the party, i would be pretty understanding about an out of town bridesmaid not being able to make it.
I have been a bridesmaid in two weddings where I was across the country from the event, and I didn't attend either bachelorette. Both ladies were fine with it. Perhaps talk with the bride about it?
I don't feel that it's absolutely necessary you attend if it is going to be a large added expense for you. I know one or two of my girls probably will not be able to attend, and said that to me when I first mentioned them being in the bridal party.
I'd talk to your friend and see her feelings towards it- chances are she will understand and be willing to figure out a way to get the other girls to work with having it closer to the wedding or tell you it's okay that you don't make it.
If you don't go- you might consider sending a little something to her the week before letting her know you're hating missing it but that you'll be thinking of them on her night out with the girls!
She's in the southwest and I'm in Boston. Thanks for the responses
i think it depends on the bride...5/7 of my bridesmaids are out of town, so i definitely don't expect them all to be able to make it, and if they can't come, i won't be upset at all. i might make my bachelorette party in the city 4 of them live in so it's easier for them to come, but i'm not expecting anything really. but, i'm really laid back about things like that...
If you're that far away then no, I wouldn't expect you to make virtually two cross country trips in a matter of a month. You just need to be upfront with the bride, not the organizer as much, and explain. As long as she's not a total whack job, she's going to understand.
I think it really depends on the situation! All of my BM's are from out of town, and when we were originally talking about the bachelorette party, it wasn't going to be possible for one of them to make it...so we rescheduled it to a few days before the wedding (making it a long wedding weekend...) so that she (and everyone else) would only have to pay for the one ticket to get to FL, and save a lot of money! In the end though, I would completely understand if she wasn't able to attend (though I would have been sad)!
If you can't afford to go, you can't afford to go. If you had no say in the planning and haven't contributed to it, I think you'll be fine.
As a bride, I'd be disappointed but would understand.
Ooh, don't let anyone tell you that you have to pay for two cross-country flights and lodging twice in one month, girl! Tell the bride that you are really sad you have to miss it, and if it's possible, maybe arrange to do something with her the next time you're in town--like manicures or massages or facials, something of that nature that's girly and would be fun for the two of you. It's unfortunate that you can't make it but, girl, you can't be everywhere with the cost of flights these days! I am sure she'll understand!
I think it depends. I'd try to go as much as I could, particularly if the bride was a good friend of mine. Why don't you want to go? Just cost? I had a BM from California and she didn't fly in to St Louis for my shower or bachelorette party, nor did I expect her to. I was bummed she couldn't make it, but there's no way I would have expected her to fly all the way here, take off work, spend money she didn't have, etc.
I think it's unfortunate that the bachelorette party is so close to the wedding...As a bride, I'd definitely be bummed but understand if one of my bridesmaids couldn't make it to my bach party...I think as long as you talk to her about it and don't just RSVP "no" without an explanation, she'll understand and it won't be a big deal...Sorry you have to miss it tho, the bach parties I've been to have been some of the most fun nights ever!
I wouldn't expect you to come earlier. I'm making my bachelorette party a few days before the wedding so that everybody can be there. You might suggest this to the bride.
I'm sure your friend will understand. Explain to her that you will be sorry to miss it, and plan to have some kind of girl bonding time the day or two before the wedding if possible. Also it might be nice to send her a bachelorette card or something the week of the party to let her know that you are thinking of her.
At least one of my BMs won't be able to make it to mine, mainly because everyone is spread out around the world. I'm certainly bummed they all can't make it (they are my favorite people in the world so of course I wish they could be there!) but I'm also a realist. Many of them have already flown to attend my engagement party and/or shower plus they will for the wedding - how much can you expect from people, you know?
Here is my only "tip" - be sure to mention how much you wish you could be there. I don't expect any of my BMs to spend more than they are able on wedding related expenses, but be sure you don't emphasize the inconvenience too much and focus more on how much you wish you could be there. I think that will make all the difference and she will totally understand. Good luck!
Of course it's alright that you don't attend. I think the fact that you are making it to the wedding should be enough. Just because it's a wedding event doesn't mean all logic should be thrown out of the window! If you can't afford to go, explain it to the bride and let that be enough.
I think it's fine you can't go. Most of my BMs are OOT and literally the first thing I said to my MOH when she wanted to talk about planning the bachelorette (she's surprising me) was "These are the people you should invite. Let's do it way ahead of time so people can be there. Start an email thread now with everybody on it so people can make whatever arrangements they need to make. Don't do something that costs too much money." Basically I laid out the ground rules for her to try to make it possible for everyone to make it, but if certain people can't I would totally understand. It sucks you weren't involved in any of the planning, though. That's kind of not cool.
I think it depends. I'd chat with the Bride and see how important it is to her that you attend. My sis was a BM recently for a friend and wasn't able to attend her out of state Bachelorette because of work commitments. Her friend was totally cool with it, but my sis let her know ahead of time and talked about it.
One of my bridesmaids just moved to California to start a new job so I totally understand that she won't be able to make it (I live in Alaska.) I think if you talk to your friend about the expense of it, she will, well should understand. We all know how tight money is right now.
I don't think you're obligated to go, but every bride is different with her expectations. I'd just make sure to talk to the bride and let her know you wish you could be there but you're so happy to have been asked to stand up for her (etc.) ;). Being a bridesmaid means you should *try* to make it to the pre-wedding parties... but sometimes it's just unrealistic.
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I'm a bm in my good friend's wedding and I'm the only one in the bridal party coming from out of town. It's already expensive enough for me to get to the wedding and pay for the bridesmaid dress, am I expected to go to the bachelorette party if it's a week or more before the wedding? I have no role in any sort of planning as far as I can tell.
Any help/suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!