Post # 1
I’m a bm in my good friend’s wedding and I’m the only one in the bridal party coming from out of town. It’s already expensive enough for me to get to the wedding and pay for the bridesmaid dress, am I expected to go to the bachelorette party if it’s a week or more before the wedding? I have no role in any sort of planning as far as I can tell.
Any help/suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!
Post # 3
I have been in your position twice as an out of town bm. And its been expected of me both times I was a bridesmaid that I would attend the bachelorette parties etc.
Post # 4
As a bride, if one of my bridesmaid did not make it to the bachelorette party, I would be very upset(unless it was a serious family situation). I feel like it’s apart of your duties. If you’re having a hard time paying for it, did you mention it to the organizer of the party?
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Post # 5
I really think it depends on how far away you are. If you’re an hour by car,I think it would be great if you attended. If you have to get a plane and extend your stay and then do it again in a few weeks,I don’t think that’s one bit necessary. Nice,but not necessary,and hopefully no one makes you feel bad about it if you can’t go.
Post # 7
As long as I had a lot of other people at the party, i would be pretty understanding about an out of town bridesmaid not being able to make it.
Post # 8
I have been a bridesmaid in two weddings where I was across the country from the event, and I didn’t attend either bachelorette. Both ladies were fine with it. Perhaps talk with the bride about it?
Post # 9
I don’t feel that it’s absolutely necessary you attend if it is going to be a large added expense for you. I know one or two of my girls probably will not be able to attend, and said that to me when I first mentioned them being in the bridal party.
I’d talk to your friend and see her feelings towards it- chances are she will understand and be willing to figure out a way to get the other girls to work with having it closer to the wedding or tell you it’s okay that you don’t make it.
If you don’t go- you might consider sending a little something to her the week before letting her know you’re hating missing it but that you’ll be thinking of them on her night out with the girls!
Post # 10
She’s in the southwest and I’m in Boston. Thanks for the responses
Post # 11
i think it depends on the bride…5/7 of my bridesmaids are out of town, so i definitely don’t expect them all to be able to make it, and if they can’t come, i won’t be upset at all. i might make my bachelorette party in the city 4 of them live in so it’s easier for them to come, but i’m not expecting anything really. but, i’m really laid back about things like that…
Post # 12
If you’re that far away then no, I wouldn’t expect you to make virtually two cross country trips in a matter of a month. You just need to be upfront with the bride, not the organizer as much, and explain. As long as she’s not a total whack job, she’s going to understand.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
I think it really depends on the situation! All of my BM’s are from out of town, and when we were originally talking about the bachelorette party, it wasn’t going to be possible for one of them to make it…so we rescheduled it to a few days before the wedding (making it a long wedding weekend…) so that she (and everyone else) would only have to pay for the one ticket to get to FL, and save a lot of money! In the end though, I would completely understand if she wasn’t able to attend (though I would have been sad)!
Post # 14
If you can’t afford to go, you can’t afford to go. If you had no say in the planning and haven’t contributed to it, I think you’ll be fine.
As a bride, I’d be disappointed but would understand.
Post # 15
Ooh, don’t let anyone tell you that you have to pay for two cross-country flights and lodging twice in one month, girl! Tell the bride that you are really sad you have to miss it, and if it’s possible, maybe arrange to do something with her the next time you’re in town–like manicures or massages or facials, something of that nature that’s girly and would be fun for the two of you. It’s unfortunate that you can’t make it but, girl, you can’t be everywhere with the cost of flights these days! I am sure she’ll understand!
Post # 16
I think it depends. I’d try to go as much as I could, particularly if the bride was a good friend of mine. Why don’t you want to go? Just cost? I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man from California and she didn’t fly in to St Louis for my shower or bachelorette party, nor did I expect her to. I was bummed she couldn’t make it, but there’s no way I would have expected her to fly all the way here, take off work, spend money she didn’t have, etc.