Post # 1
We are now 22 days away from the wedding, and my bachelorette party has completely fallen apart. My Maid/Matron of Honor and even though she is 1500 miles away, she has been as involved as she can in helping me prepare for the wedding. She took care of my rehearsal dinner, bridal shower, and the bachelorette party. She plans parties and events for a living, so it’s really easy for her to get things organized.
When planning my bachelorette party, she talked with me and asked what I would have wanted. I am not a big party girl, I don’t like to drink, and I wanted something relaxing so all the girls and my family could enjoy. We decided to have a spa party. Not manicures and pedicures, but massages, and sugar scrubs for your feet and hands. My sister thought this would be best since she knows how stressed out I am, I could relax and also enjoy myself. I thought it was perfect!
My bridesmaids knew this was the plan way in advance. I’ve been telling them for months what day it was, and what to expect. I recently found out that the other girls what to plan something by themselves for later that night, which is completely fine by me. However they decided to completely exclude my Maid/Matron of Honor. They didn’t even give her the courtesy of letting her know what their plans were. I have no problem having 2 things planned for my bachelorette party but I was just really upset that even though everyone knew this was the plan, that they took it upon themselves to override what I wanted to give me a night out. One specific bridesmaid (we’ll call her Jane) took it upon herself to tell me that the spa party wasn’t what I wanted and that this is what they were doing instead.
When my Maid/Matron of Honor was trying to get in contact with the girls so she could get everyone on the same page, Jane rudely sent her a message back and said that they were planning something for me and that the girls weren’t going to do the spa party like she had planned because they were already going to have their nails and toes done. She didn’t even give my Maid/Matron of Honor a chance to explain what she had actually planned. And my Maid/Matron of Honor was going to be taking care of everything except for their individual spa treatments if they decided to get one. She was going to cover the food, wine, & champagne. And I think that is really generous of her.
The spa party was what I WANTED. But for some reason Jane had complete disregard for what I wanted, and decided to plan her own thing. Now the spa party is still going on as planned but I feel like there is going to be so much tension at the wedding. Jane also recently told my fiancé that she will only be attending the rehearsal and the wedding, and that she was not going to participate in the bachelorette party because my Maid/Matron of Honor had planned it.
What should I do? I don’t want to be bridezilla but I feel like Jane is way out of line.
Post # 3
She is totally out of line. It’s not her party, nor is it her job to plan the party. I think by virtue of how she was rude to the Maid/Matron of Honor (and you), you need to be honest with her. Tell her the spa party is what YOU asked for, and the Maid/Matron of Honor generously abided by your wishes. Also let her know it is unacceptable to be saying rude things to the Maid/Matron of Honor and to be excluding anyone in the bridal party if something is to be planned. If she doesn’t like someone on a personal level, she can suck it up and act like an adult through this process. If that’s too difficult for her, she can step down from being a bridesmaid. End of story. She needs to stop acting like a child.
Post # 4
She is way out of line and being very selfish, and I think she has forgotten that this it YOUR day and you should have what YOU want!!! Im not sure what to do, can you talk to her and tell her that the spa day is something you really do want and is something you are really looking forward to! and When she gets married you can plan a fun evening out!
Post # 5
Thanks ladies. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t overreacting. I know that with the wedding just weeks away now that I am really stressed and I can sometimes blow things out of proportion. I plan on having a talk with her today to see why she went about it the way she did. I know she has some personal issues with my Maid/Matron of Honor but I was hoping that for just one day she would put that aside for me.
Post # 6
Who are these girls and do they even know you!?! My friends also know that I am not a partier and non-drinker and would prefer a certain outing to a night out drinking.
It sounds like Jane has a major problem with Maid/Matron of Honor that needs to be cleared.
Post # 7
Yikes this is out of line….sorry you have to deal with this 🙁 I actually have my Maid/Matron of Honor coordinating the planning of the Bachelorette but she is including all the BM’s in the plans…so, in essence, they are agreeing on everything together to make sure they are all on the same page. From there, they will includes a bunch of my other friends but the plan will already be set in stone and they will either attend or not.
Sorry you have to deal with this…I know firsthand how difficult it can be to deal with the stress of planning problems within the bridal party. I hope it all works out!
Post # 8
It got so bad yesterday that my fiancé had to text everyone yesterday and tell them to keep any negativity away from me and that if there was a problem to come to him about it. I know Jane has a serious problem with my Maid/Matron of Honor, and she always has. But I just don’t understand why she can’t put her feelings aside for me for just a few days. I don’t think it’s too much to ask. My Maid/Matron of Honor is not too fond of Jane either but she hasn’t said one negative thing about her at all during this process.
I am going to have a serious talk with Jane tonight. I wanted to do it yesterday but I was just too upset I didn’t want to say anything that I was going to regret.