Bachelorette Party Etiquette

posted 2 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sweetpea3363:  Firstly, there is no obligation to give your friend the bachelorette she wants. Some brides just need to learn to tone down their expectations.

The two of you planning the event do not pay for everyone. Anyone attending pays their own way plus a contribution for the bride’s expenses.

I would start with a heart to heart with the bride making it clear that you can afford neither the time nor the money for her current plan and propose an alternative that would be within your means.

Post # 3
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d be open and honest about what she is expecting. ASKING you to plan it seems crazy when she clearly already has a plan in her mind of what she wants (IMO, it seemed more like telling you, but that could just be me).

I dont get why she cant arrange it all herself? I dont think anyone would think poorly of her inviting them to come along with her plan. 

I just finished my last class of graduate school this week. All I can say is good luck! It will be over before you know it 🙂 and yes adding anything extra while in graduate school is crazy, but possible—  I was one of 7 to get engaged & plan a wedding during the course of our program. 


Post # 4
1836 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


sweetpea3363:  I don’t have bridesmaids or an MOH and planned my own bachelorette. I made a list of things that needed to be done and just did them over time. A couple of my friends offered (without me asking) to help with things like making brunch reservations (we’re doing a weekend in NYC) and I am grateful. My only expectation from my friends is that they show up if they are able/willing. We are all paying our own way, including me – the bride. 

I’d have a talk with your friend and tell her you are happy to help make the plans but have to be aware of your budget and schedule. She should help with planning if she wants certain things. I don’t see why she gets to sit back while you do all the planning just because she’s the bride.

Post # 5
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

sweetpea3363:  In my circle it’s typical for everyone to pay their own way during the bachelorette, except for the bride.  Typically I’ve seen the bride’s portion be absorbed by the bridesmaids.  The bridesmaids will usually absorb some of the extra cost as well such as decorations and props, but those items are optional and can be scaled way back easily without having much impact on the party.

Post # 6
6685 posts
Bee Keeper

There is no etiquette associated with bachelor or bachelorette parties, because they are not an official part of a wedding.   There is also no obligation on your part to host, plan or even attend if you are unable.  If you do decide to organize and plan something, just be sure you discuss the plans with everyone and make it clear that it is meant to be a cooperatively hosted event. Get input from others, including budget. Don’t send invitations that make it seem as if it’s a hosted event if it’s not. 

Post # 9
805 posts
Busy bee

sweetpea3363:  Showers normally involve gifts but bachelorettes don’t – you can’t expect people to pay for themselves AND bring a gift, but it’s ok with bachelorettes because they’re not a gift giving event. When I’ve planned them for people, I’ve said outright what the expected cost is (including everyone contributing for the bride). You definitely don’t need to pay for any other attendees!

I think you’ll definitely be able to keep it inexpensive and not place a huge burden on the other organiser if you’re not there. After all, everyone’s an adult so I’m sure they’ll manage! On the friday you could do a pizza/movie/cocktail night at someone’s place, have the sleepover there and then get some bagels/muffins/coffee in for breakfast the next day (super cost effective). The daytime activites I’ve seen are dance classes, make up classes and spa days, and an amusement park but there are loads of options (wine tasting, zip lining adventures etc) so I’m sure something cost effective is out there. Make a dinner reservation at somewhere fun and a club booking and you’re done!

Post # 10
6685 posts
Bee Keeper

I would send around emails or discussing the plans  by word of mouth and making it clear that this is a cooperative venture.  I would phrase any final mailing or email  as a  reminder of time, date, place, and amount that will need to be contributed. Do not use phrases like  “you are invited” or even “please join us in celebrating.”  

Post # 11
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yes I agree with previous bees in that you just tell people outright how much it’ll be per person.  Work out the costs ahead of time and be up front and honest about how much it’ll be.

For what it’s worth, every bachelorette party I’ve gone to has been set up like this AND we’ve all been expected to bring gifts.  So leaving gifts out is just a plus to me!

Post # 12
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You would not need to host! I’ve never heard of a hosted bachelorette party – in my group we all pay our own way, throw in for group stuff and the bride.  She probably just wants you guys to plan. I would send out an email to all of the gir

ls invited, see who can make it, and what ideas/budget restrictions they have. The brides idea sounds pretty easy – so I would just say hey we want to do x, have dinner here, etc. Everyone should just pay their own way when you go out stuff, and then divide evenly for the bride. If theirs 10 girls total at dinner or lunch just have the waittress divide by 9 to leave out the bride. 

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