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I'm a little confused..I didn't really read the whole thing. But from the gist of it, I don't necessarily think that's right. I would never expect my MOH or bridesmaids to shell out that much for my bachelorette party in the first place - to me that's insane. (Not that you asked them to - I understand they took it upon themselves to plan that). To some people, totally normal - depends on your budget. That being said, I always thought that each bridesmaid paid for their ticket or w/e you are doing, and then all of the girls split the cost of the bride. I could be wrong though - I've never been to a bachelorette party, nor have I had mine yet. But if they have all these "stresses" they probably should have looked into a cheaper party, maybe? I'm not really sure.. =/
Hmm I always thought the BM's and MOH split the cost between themselves for the bride, but i have never been to a stagette that costs min 500.00 each to start with so i dont know what the rule would be on this one.
EXACTLY! I think it is way way way too much as well! I also thought that all of the Bridesmaids split the cost of the bride! However....my M.O.H. doesn't like the idea of a simple Vegas weekend or a relaxing weekend. She feels that this is the best option. I personally don't want to spend that much especially when I can put it towards something for the wedding.
I am clueless as to how to react or respond and when she told the price of the cruise I actually giggled...thinking it was a joke. How she even thought that it was a resonable price is beyond me....then again she comes from a wealthy family. Maybe that is reasonable to her ?
@FairytaleEnding: It may be reasonable to her..who knows. Does she know everyone who is attending? If not you can say that its to expensive for some of the guests and you w ould like to do something more in the $200.00 range etc.
My bridal party paid for mine. It was also a trip, they surprised me and bought my flight, hotel, food, everything. But I guess everybody does it differently.
@FairytaleEnding: I was just thinking my stagette, we drove to Whistler, rented a townhouse, went out for dinner and dancing, and did a big tour on top of the mountain. My MOH supplised all the drinks and we had tons of food, decorations etc and they didnt pay dime over 200.00 (including covering my costs) so its very much affordable to have a great weekend without breaking the bank.
I can see the BM's splitting the cost of a night out but not an entire weekend away. Personally, I think that's too much. Again, I'm not saying you're asking for it nor was this your idea. When my friends had an out of town bachelorette party, everyone paid their own way (including the bride) for the flight and hotel. One night was designated as the big night and everyone (but the bride) split the cost of dinner and bought the bride drinks.
If you're not able to afford this cruise, then maybe you should talk to your MOH and BM's about doing something more local or something cheaper in your price range.
I did mention to her that the price was too high for me....since we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves. She brushed off the comment and asked if we might have the money next month. It didn't quite get through to her....
I guess I am going to have to take her out and have the talk in person.....
My MOH, BM's and friends who attended my Bachlorette party split the cost for everything that night except for the hotel room we stayed in. (Only my MOH chipped in for the room.) So I do think that the bride isn't supposed to pay for anything however, your trip sounds a lil on the pricey side. And since it is a cruise, is it an "all inclusive" type of deal where all the food and drinks are included? If so, then I think your girls should chip in since there will be no other "incurred" costs...however, if it is not, then they are probably planning a "night out" type of thing where they will all chip in for you. I doubt they will all want pay your way for the whole trip being that they altready shelled out $475 to start.
@FairytaleEnding: I would just tell her flat out that you will not have the $450 next month either, if you were too shell that out it would be taking money out of your wedding budget and would rather not skimp on the wedding for a lavish Bachelorette party. So either the BM's and her cover your cost like it's a custom too, or they find a more budget friendly alternative to the cruise.
@FairytaleEnding: I have to agree with @Anniebo: you just need to flat out tell her its to much for you and possibly for some of the other girls. This is your stagette it should be what the girls are comfortable with (all of them) and more importantly yourself!
I agree. To answer FutureMrs.1 everything is included in the $475.
The price is fine with 3/4 bm's....the 4th is out of the Country at the moment......but it is not ok for me! That's really what matters. I can't afford it :/ I planned on a wedding and it is our dream wedding.....I didn't plan on such an expensive cruise. When they originally mentioned going on a cruise they were throwing out prices like $180-$200. I could swing $200.00 for a cruise where everything is included....not $475.00 though : /
@FairytaleEnding: If you can afford the $200 maybe tell her all you can afford is the $200 and if her or the other BM's can split the rest of it that is fine too.
But IMHO you can have a bachelorette party for alot cheaper, maybe not a cruise, but it can still be nice.
I agree. I also don't feel comfortable asking them to pay for me if they didn't offer to :/
I agree with the pps. I would talk to your MOH, and just be frank with her. If I were in your situation, I'd be steaming! If they are planning a party for you, they should not expect you to shell out almost $500 when they know you're paying for a wedding (and just everyday life expenses!). That is not fair to you and seems almost selfish of your MOH. Since your bachelorette party is a party for you, they should be taking that (and that includes your budget) into account when planning it. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! If they really wanted to do that, they should have broached the topic with you and discussed money with you.
I agree. We just began discussing the Bachelorette party option last Friday. I was surpised when she called and told me the price and that we are all buying today. I agree that it is selfish. She can be somewhat selfish and kind of rude sometimes. What got to me the most was when I told her that we are already so stressed financially with the wedding costs and plans and could not afford an extra $500 right now. She had the nerve to ell me that she is stressed too because she has to ask for a weekend off for the party and that she is already missing time for Barcelona and Hawaii. Forgive me.....I don't think that asking for time off for 2 vacations that her daddy is paying for is anywhere near the stress that is related to paying for and planning a wedding.
Don't get me wrong....I love my M.O.H. I just am surprised at how arrogant and selfish she can be. : / It is dissappointing : /
Not to mention my other 2 Bridesmaids just called and asked why I am paying my way. They fully expected and offered to chip in but were told that everyone pays there own way. i DON'T GET IT!!!
For my bachelorette party, my MOH and one of my bridesmaids organized an outing in DC. We had a driver take us (there were 9 people total, counting the aforementioned ladies and me) to a couple of bars, drop us off at a fantastic club where we danced and drank for hours, and then take us back to my BM's house, which is where everyone stayed for the night. I paid for one of my drinks at the last club, and was (playfully) berated for having dared pay for anything at all. I'm not sure whether my BM and MOH paid for my share, or if it was split among all in attendance, but I didn't chip in anything at all except for a "please, dear god, no male strippers" request.
If your bridal party is going to plan a party in your honor, I think they should pay for your share. If they are unable or unwilling to do so, or if you are uncomfortable allowing them to spend that much money on your behalf, perhaps they should rethink their party idea and scale things back.
Just FYI - no alcohol is included in a cruise price, neither is any gambling on board and also no excursions. Just so you know what to expect if you do go ahead and do this.
I would just tell her that you can't do it right now. Nobody can or should move forward without the bride saying she can actually be there. If she is that rushed to do it, and you say you can't afford it right now, then she will either offer to pay or think of a new idea. I don't think you should rush into anything, especially if you want everyone to participate.
As far as etiquette goes, I don't think there is a rule on who pays for the bachelorette party. Especially if it's that costly. Sometimes it's your bridesmaids, sometimes it's split.
A bachelorette party is supposed to be planned and paid for by the bridal party. They are treating you. If it is too expensive / time-consuming / stressful then perhaps your MOH should think of another idea! There are lots of ways to make a bachelorette party fun!
Yikes, that's pricy. I do think that the bridal party should pay for the party, but it should be something that they think is reasonable. I don't think they should have to pay for a full weekend away though.
My bridesmaids paid for everything for ours, but it was low key - brunch at one of their houses, wine tasting at a couple vineyards ($5 and $10 each), a round of mini-golf and then dinner out and board games night back at their house. They had T-shirts made up for them and dressed me up with a veil and sash.
Big blow-outs just aren't the norm with my group of friends. I would think that if you've paid for all their $450 weekends away, then they should take their turn too, or change to a less expensive plan.
WOW!!!! Just an update to my original post about my lovely and wonderful Maid Of Honor! This past month I have seriously been considering retracting my offer to her to be my MOH. I know, I know.....that is a HORRIBLE thing to say! It's true though!!! I was frustrated enough when she requested me to fork out $500 for an extravagant Bachelorette weekend within 24 hours. Number 1 I didn't need such an extravagant party and Number 2 I just spent $10,000 on deposits and didn't have $500 extra to drop on a cruise that was 1 year out!
So here are my updates. She has been one of my closest friends throughout the past 10 years. She has always been controlling, negative and somewhat demeaning. However, I thought that she would at least be supportive and positive when it came to planning my wedding. Especialy since she works as a Wedding Butler with the most exclusive Resort here in Newport Beach! I mean it is her JOB to HELP Brides and be supportive and encouraging! I thought she would be PERFECT for the job of MOH. Instead she has been NEGATIVE NELLY! She has questioned EVERY single decision that I have made! Not only does she question me....but she challenges my decision and wants to know WHY I decided that and exactly how many other optio have I looked into. She will then e-mail me a list of reason why she thinks my decision is wrong!
I have tried avoiding any talk of wedding with her the past 3 months and just focusing on our Friendship. Hoping that would fix her attitude! Instead.....she has gotten even bitchier!
I recently called all of my Bridesmaids to get their opiions on a pair of Steve Madden shoes I had found. We had all discussed price points that they were comfortable with and heel height as well. Everyone was positive. My MOH even saide she "liked" them. However she then follwed that with this sentance. " You know I have been thinking a lot lately. I would really like for you to create an Excel spreadhseet for me. I want you to outline every expense that we are going to have to pay for as Bridesmaids. I need to know how much it is going to cost me to be your Bridesmaid!"
Now, I responded by explaining that I could not possibly know how much everything is going to cost yet. We have 12 months before the wedding. Everytime I try to get her to come try on BM dresses she bails. I did explain that the dress I found was $115 (relativly inexpensive from what I understand) especilly since she drops $400 on dresses all the time! The shoes are $79 and are a style they can wear all the time. She wants me to pay for the BM's hair and Makeup....which I explained is not happening. I found a woman to do each BM for $60 (for hair and makeup I thought that was reasonable) So overall....they are paying around $256 to be my Bridesmaids.
I think that is extremely reasonable! Especially since they have 1 year to save up. What pissed me off the most was that she makes it sound like that is an outrageous number.....but remeber that this is the same girl who was ready to drop $500 on a cruise!!!!
I honestly don't think I want someone like her standing by my side when I say "I Do!"
Am I being unreasonable?
I didn't pay for anything that whole weekend, my bridal party paid for me for everything!!!! Even my morning coffee. Lol
Bridal party should split the costs for the bride. Going on a cruise for a bachelorette is crazy though. Tell your MOH you and some other BMs can't affod to go.
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So quick question.......who pays for the Bachelorette Party? My Maid Of Honor is my very Best Friend. We are complete opposites but have stuck by eachother through thixk and thin. She is a very opinionated person and has very very very strong opinions about EVERYTHING! She comes from a very wealthy family and works as a Bridal Butler at a very exclusive resort.....which just makes her opinions even stronger!
She and another Bridesmaid were brainstorming on ideas for a Bachelorette weekend. They came up with the idea of a weekend cruise! We all agreed that it was the top runner and that it would be very cost effective and fun...versus splurging in Vegas or New York!
Now here comes my question. Our wedding is in the end of July and they were planning the party for the middle of June (5 months away). I have mentioned to both girls how stressful this next month is for me and my Fiance financially. We will be putting down tons of deposits and it is a very expensive month! She called me this afternoon stressing the importance of buying tickets TODAY! She informed me that the tickets were $475.00 each and wanted to know if I could buy my ticket tonight. She and the other bridesmaid were planning on buying theres now. First of all I don't have an extra $475.00 laying around this month. Second....I haven't even heard back from the rest of the Bridesmaids in regards to if they can even go let alone shovel out $475.00 this second!!!
When I questioned her as to why there was such a rush and explained to her again how much we are spending this month she replied ," We all have our own stresses! I am stressed with work. I feel that I need to buy my ticket now so I can get into the mindset of asking my boss for time off. June,July and August are our busiest months. I probably shouldn't take any time off. Plus I have already asked for time off. I am going to Barcelona and Hawaii this year. I doubt they will give me a weekend off for the party and the wedding! We all have our stresses!!"
Now I understand that the summer months are very busy. I understand that asking for time off is difficult. My problem is that she has known about our wedding date since August of last year....before she hasd the job and before any other trips were planned. My problem is that my Best Friend and Maid of Honor is making me feel like a bad person for asking her to take time off for my wedding day. My problem s that she is making me feel crazy for feeling stressed that we are paying for an entire wedding all by oursleves and that she is comparing that to her stress for asking time off for 2 VACATIONS!!!
Am I nuts? Is it normal for your M.O.H. to call and insist that you pay nearly $500.00 this instant so that she has peace of mind? Is it normal for the Bride to even pay for the Bachelorette party?
I ask because I have no understanding on how this stuff works. All I know is that it felt very uncomfortable and it brought a ton of stress and anxiety on my instantly.
Did I makea wrong choice in asking someone who is so strong and so opinionated to be my M.O.H.???
HELP!!!!