Bachelorette party ettiquette issues – who gets wedding invite?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

johanna166:  No- you do not have to invite them to the wedding. I actually did this with my sisters bach party too- a few people could not attend and we had rented a huge bus/trolley so I brought 2 of my friends along.

I am sure your friends understand that they arent invited to the wedding but I would just make it clear incase there is any confusion.

Post # 3
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Since you posted this in etiquette – etiquette wise, you should not have invited them. Only those invited to tthe wedding should be invited to the bach/bridal shower. You were in breach of that despite her being excited about having more people. I would have just had a great intimate time with the 4 people and go with that. 

You don’t get to decide and tell her who she should invite or not because you mistakenly invited them to a bach party. No, you should not ask her to invite them and they should not expect it.

Sorry, but I think you were in the wrong here. 

Post # 4
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

johanna166:  No, they do not have to be invited to the bachelorette. Perosnally, I would not have invited them to the bachelorette but don’t worry about it. I have seen a good chunk of people say it’s okay to invite people to the bachelor(ette) who are not invited to the wedding because there are no gifts required. If your sister wants to invite them she will 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

johanna166:  

I don’t think your friends need to be invited to the wedding. It’s pretty clear they’re coming to the party because the more the bette. Have fun at your party and don’t worry about wedding invites.

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

johanna166:  Ummm….no.

1. She gave you her guest list, which consisted of people who were on her wedding guest list.

2. YOU decided that YOUR friends needed to join y’all on her bachelorette party so that YOU would have more fun.

 

Now you want your sister to invite YOUR friends to her wedding because YOU invited them to her bachelorette? Um…No.

In my opinion, your the one with egg on your face for suggesting she invite YOUR friends to her bachelorette.

Post # 8
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

nadnuk:  you wrote my exact thoughts

Post # 9
Member
2526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

johanna166:  I think that oin the given sitution there is no need for an invite, and they would likely be surprised to receive one. I think that if:

1. your sister lived in or near your city

2. your sister was getting married in the same city as the bach party

3. these girls are family

Then they would need an invite, but I think your friends get that this is a “the more, the merrier” situation and there is no expectation.

Post # 10
Member
6869 posts
Busy Beekeeper

There is no etiquette that pertains specifically to bachelorette parties, however you are not supposed to invite people to pre-wedding events who aren’t also invited to the wedding. The exception may be a group from the office who  decide as a group to throw a shower or something like that. 

If you really want to invite your friends out for an evening along with your sister and her friends, you can  just do that without having to label it anything. 

Post # 11
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

nadnuk:  +Infinity

 

Also, OP, no offense, but it seems more than a bit rude on your end to have decided that 4 people wasn’t enough for the bachelorette party to be “fun”. If I were your sister, I probably would’ve also said that it was fine for you to bring your friends – but only because I would’ve felt shamed that you thought my guest list was too insignificant, not because I really wanted them there. It sounds more like it’s going to be a night out for you and your friends rather than a proper celebration for your sister, especially since I doubt your friends are there for more than just the party aspect, regardless of whether or not they get along. 

They definitely do not require an invitation to the wedding by any stretch of the imagination. If your sister didn’t see fit to invite them to the wedding, they shouldn’t have been invited to the bachelorette and you should’ve honored her original guest list and had fun without them.

 

EDIT: Re-reading your first post and then your second, it sounds like she didn’t have a problem with a small bachelorette party until after you pointed out that it was strange and asked to bring your friends. 

Post # 12
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

In our area, the bachelor/bachelorettes are much more free-form than say, the bridal shower or rehearsal dinner. These are the two parties that are really FOR the bride and groom, rather than for the family or the old folks.  So the friends get pretty wide leeway in planning them.

For my bachelorette, my friends invited a few girls that weren’t invited to the wedding, but they made sure these girls understood, look, this isn’t a wedding invitation, we’d just like it if you’d come hang out and grab a drink with us.  We had a bunch of stuff planned; dinner at a mid-range restaurant, drinks at a dive bar, then a club, so there was an option for a relaxed few drinks at a place that didn’t require dressing up or paying to park, and a lot of people took us up on that, which was awesome (and almost ended up making us not go to the club!).  

So OP, I think you’re fine, especially since you’re picking up most of the tab. As long as the girls you invited understand that they aren’t invited to the wedding, I think you’re in the clear.  But I think it’s on you to make sure they understand that. 

Post # 13
Member
8025 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

No dont mess with your sisters wedding guest list- they’ll understand especially if they’re coming just to liven it up and aren’t friends directly with your sis. 

Usually everyone there would be invited but your friends are celebrating your sisters bachy essentially as a favor to you so I don’t think they will be at all offended if they don’t get an invite to her small destination wwedding.

Post # 14
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Well…..I would say no she doesnt have to invite them. <br /><br />SHE didnt invite them to the bachelorette party, YOU did. So you saddled her with that social obligation to invite them.

 

Post # 15
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sure your friends would feel weird and guilty if they ended up being invited to an intimate wedding just because they were invited to the bachlorette. I know I would. She does not have to invite them. 

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