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Any gift that celebrates her is fine. What about a gift certificate for a manicure or pedicure? That isn't too intimate, yet she can still use it to look her best for her new hubby. You could also play up some cute things for the wedding night that aren't raunchy, like maybe a door knob hanger or slippers that say Just Married. You can also get cute pajamas that you can personalize with her new married name.
I believe you are not required to bring a gift for the bachelorette party unless it is a themed party/bridal shower. Some bridal parties will set it up as the same day for the shower and the party, others separate it. All guests will be spending money on the brides for food and drinks and entertainment, usually just attending is good enough, especially if you had already gotten her a shower gift.
As for lingerie, that's a tough one. I only liked 1 out of the 4 pieces received for my bridal shower. One of my friends once got me a matching bra and panty lavendar sachet to hang on my door knobs. That was adorable...
A nice bottle of wine or the fixins for her fav cocktail
My friend's mom packed a suitcase for the Hawaii honeymoon, which included cute swimsuits, towels, flip flops, etc. Another great gift I saw was a gentle detergent and bag for washing the expensive lingerie she was getting.
for a bachelorette party, i think you usually just show up and wear whatever is required for the occasion. mine was combined with my shower, so i got stripping dice and a mini sex book, etc. along with lingerie and jewelry. i would second the detergent and bag, though. i would have loved to receive that.
You could do a super cute basket with some Champagne, flutes, chocolates, candles, and even some faux petals and a gift certificate for Victoria's Secret or somewhere you know she can buy nice lingerie. This way, you stick to the theme of the party, but keep it light and fun at the same time, but not TOO personal for your comfort. Good Luck!
Oh and for affordable, nice lingerie, you'd be surprised at the great stuff you'd find at Ross/Marshalls/TJ Maxx. I was able to get my friend THREE sets for just under $25. And it got more oohs and ahhs than her sister's VS teddy that was imported from Italy.
Maybe you could get her some things for a relaxing bath like a robe (maybe monogrammed), some candles, bath salts, etc. She could choose to use the gift with her husband or not. That way you wouldn't feel uncomfortable getting something too risque.
I agree that Bachelorette parties usually do not include gifts unless it's part Bridal Shower too. If you dont know the person well and dont want to guess their preferences, you can play it safe and get something SORT OF personalized but still safe. There is a site called www.TheBrideAndGroomShop.com that carries lots of cute and useful gifts in their BrideShop section. I got a personalized travel make-up bag there for a friend with her name stitched on it for only $18 (including the personalization) and attached a note that said it was for her future traveling adventures/honeymoon with the groom. If theyre going to a Beach honeymoon, they carry those I Love Him/Her flip flops too! You can make a honeymoon basket or something!
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My fiance's sister is getting married in October and her bachelorette party is fast approaching. What the heck do I get her?? She and I aren't particularly close and I'd feel weird giving her lingerie, though I'm pretty sure a lot of people will be. Any other ideas? This is the first bachelorette party I've ever gone to...