Post # 1
I am a bridesmaids in my fiance’s brothers wedding (she will be my sister inlaw). She has 2 bridesmaids (her sisters) out of province and then there is me and her friend in province.
I think she is expecting a Bachelorette party since she keeps hinting at it but I am dead broke (make less then $30,000 and my fiance is in school at the moment. We are heavily borrowing from parents to put us through). Her other bridesmaid in province is finishing school and finalizing her weddings plans as well.
Are we obligated to throw her a bachelorette party. I don’t really know or get along with her that great if its just us and I am at a loss for what to do without spending a ton of money. Do I have to throw her a bachelorette party? Can I take a backseat and see what the other bridesmaid does? HELP!
Post # 3
@missjewels: Hi, let me just clear something for myself…there are 4 of you, correct? If that is the case then you four can definitely throw her something. Are the maid of honor? If so, it is your job to push the other bridesmaids into planning mode. If not, let the Maid/Matron of Honor do her thing. If you’re coming up to the 2months before mark and no one has said anything, you should bring it up. Especially if she has been hinting at it.
Post # 4
@Bonita_Bride86: She hasn’t named a maid of honour and her 2 sisters are out of province so it would just be me and her friend here. We are super confused because noone is taking the lead on it and I don’t know if maybe noone is intending to. If one happens here, then it will be the 2 of us plus her here.
Because there is no Maid/Matron of Honor and noone pushing I am super confused. I am helping plan her shower with her Mother-In-Law and spending a good chunk of change and time on it and therefore don’t really want to head up the bachelorette party planning and the associated cost as well.
Point is, don’t really want to do it…do I have to though? lol.
Post # 5
You don’t need to do anything big and extravagant. Just plan a night out on the town- dinner, drinks, dancing. And plan it somewhere so you can all just stay at home or a friends place and don’t have to get a hotel room.
I agree though- if you are 2 months out, you should probably say something. At least reach out to the other BMs to see what they think!
Post # 6
Gragh. I was in a similar situation where there were several bridesmaids but no Maid/Matron of Honor. This can work if the bride assigns the Maid/Matron of Honor tasks to specific bridesmaids but it turns into a logistical nightmare if she doesn’t.
I think she needs a bachelorette party. She obviously wants one. One of you 4 should throw it. I’d ask the other girls if they’re planning anything. That will at least start a conversation. And depending on how you do it, the out of towners may be able to come as well. Maybe they could travel back for the party. Or maybe they were already planning to back for something else. Or you could (as my family does) have the bachelorette on Thursday night before the rehersal on Friday (if it’s a Saturday wedding). Lots of options.
There are also lots of options for what to do and they aren’t all expensive. You can have it at someone’s home and it could be potluck dinner, give each other manicures, watch a chick flick, make cocktails, play bach party games, etc. Or you could go out to a reasonable restaurant and bar for a night on the town (everyone can pay their own way and split the cost of the bride’s dinner and drinks). It doesn’t have to be expensive to be fun.
Post # 7
You don’t have to plan anything, especially if you’re not in a position to do so financially. If none of the other girls are saying anything, you have a couple of options. You can sit back and continue with your hostess efforts for the shower. This is perfectly reasonable since the bride should feel wonderful that you guys are putting that together for her.
Or, if you really are tired of her dropping hints for you guys to throw her another party, email the other BMs and let them know she’s been dropping hints, but you hadn’t heard from them on any of it. If you are willing to step up as a lead hostess, tell them that you really can’t afford to spend more than $XY on it (give an exact budget), so you’d like their input on to what could be done, what they would like to see happen, what they can contribute if they want to help out, and organize who will make final arrangements for everything.
If you aren’t super close to her and she’s been dropping these hints to you while she should have some idea of your likely financial situation, then I’m sure she’s been bugging the hell out of the other ladies. In all honesty, maybe no one is up for it. If not, you’re not obligated to do anything at all. It sounds like any offer to do something just take her out for a few drinks would be awkward, so don’t push the party idea just because she wants one.