Post # 1
So I love my Maid/Matron of Honor, but she is a bit hard headed and set in her ways at times.
So she asked me what I wanted to do for my bachelorette party and I asked if we could just do a girls weekend, preferably somewhere with a beach (where I live, the beach is 15 mins away, so I didn’t think this would be a huge ask involving lots of money spent or anything like that–we could all conceivably stay at my house and do activities in the area. Her family also owns a beach house in a fun place, and we could probably stay there for free.). Although she knows I hate surprises, she has insisted it be a surprise. I conceded to make her happy.
The surprise has been ruined for a variety of reasons that I won’t get into. Half the BMs and my Fiance all know the surprise has been ruined. Maid/Matron of Honor does not know.
I’m less than thrilled with her choice of location–she’s chosen a casino about 2 hours from my house (not near a beach) that I’ve been to several times. It’s not my favorite place–I’m not a gambler and I’ve really just had my fill of the place. Its filled with old people who smell of cigarette butts and mothballs.
I’ve also come to find out that she’s been pretty stubborn and closed minded about this whole thing. Even though she asked their opinions, she has apparently completely disregarded my Fiance and BMs advice that I would not like this plan And their suggestions which i would actually loke. This makes me the most Upset.
My Bridesmaid or Best Man that knows I know, offered to try again and suggest something different to Maid/Matron of Honor hoping to change her mind. But I feel bad because in my heart of hearts I know she wants me to be happy and she isn’t trying to ruin it, she’s just a little misguided and doesnt take suggestions well.
Obviously this is not the type of party I would want but I feel selfish and a Bridezilla in the making if I complain about it/try to change it because I know I should be grateful that she is throwing a party in my honor. That said, I just don’t understand why she’d pursue this as an option considering my Fiance (who knows me best) and other BMs have told her I would not like this plan. Le sigh. :-/
Bees, any advice?
Post # 3
Find a way to change it. You’re just going to have a crappy time, and so will everyone else once they realize you’re not having fun. It’ll end up being a fight and damage your friendship in the end, I think. Maybe you could get your Bridesmaid or Best Man to get your fiance to really put his foot down and say “she’s going to HATE that. This is a bad idea. Pick something else. Make it a surprise, but pick something else – something SHE will want.” Or maybe your Bridesmaid or Best Man can do that. Either way, don’t just let it go because you’d be a bridezilla. It’s not like she’s picking something you’ll have fun at that isn’t what you want. She’s picking something you actively don’t like.
Post # 4
UGH YES my Maid/Matron of Honor did this too, and I finally had to tell her she wasn’t allowed near the planning of my bachelorette party. She wanted to do lingerie gifting then a boudoir photoshoot, with like everyone who was invited to the bachelorette party watching. Which is totally awkward, a) because I don’t think gifts should be involved in a bachelorette party (especially in my friend group, where nearly everyone is in or just out of grad school, except my Maid/Matron of Honor, so she doesn’t really understand that not everyone has as much money as she does), and b) I really, REALLY don’t want all my friends watching me pose sexy in lingerie – that is the stuff of nightmares. Like, once the surprise was spoiled, I literally had nightmares about it.
I don’t know how to make her back down without getting in a fight with her… but it may be necessary. You have a vision of what you want your bach party to be – you told her what it was, your girls and fiance told her what it was, you hate surprises, and you dislike the casino. She IS going to be hurt. But she should get over it. And you’ll have to handle it rather than a bridesmaid – no need to put them in the middle.
Post # 5
@FiddleSticks: This is a tough one. I wouldn’t want to get in a huge blowout with my maid of honor, but at the same time, why won’t she listen to anyone when they tell her you won’t like the current plan? I know you said she’s stubborn, but seriously … If you’re planning a party in someone else’s honor, you should choose an activity that person will enjoy. It sounds as though you were very upfront with her about what you’d want (and it’s not as though you were requesting something extravagant), and she just chose to ignore it. That makes no sense to me.
I think you may just have to speak with her about it. It sucks because it could cause an argument, but you’re going to have to say something if you don’t want to go along with this plan.
@distracts: Your story horrified me. I can’t imagine why your maid of honor thought a boudoir photoshoot with everyone at the bachelorette party watching would be fun. I wouldn’t even want to do one alone, let alone with a bunch of people (even if they were close friends) gawking at me.
Post # 6
@Duncan: yeah I wish Fiance would have done that already. Sadly, he told me he’s removing himself from the whole equation bc he can’t deal with her antics anymore. He’d rather book flights for his bachelor party which he can’t stop talking about it and its totally is going to be amazing–and of course that only makes me more upset/jelous. And I do think it will be fun to hang out with my friends/BMs who will be there–I just wish we were going to be someplace else. So I don’t think it’ll be miserable, im hoping ill just put on a happy face.
@distracts: Oh my gosh. Wow. I dont even know how to respond to that–that really is a nightmare! I suppose my situation could be much worse–thanks for that perspective. How did your Maid/Matron of Honor react when you told her you didn’t like her ideas?
@angelinthesnowxo: it makes absolutely no sense to me either, but Ive seen her act like this before. It’s like once has an idea, she is gungho about it and won’t hear anything you have to say. I love her but she likes to think she knows best sometimes. :-/
Post # 7
@FiddleSticks: That really sucks. I really hope she’ll listen to you if you take her aside and let her know that you’d appreciate it if just this once she’d veer away from the original plan she had in mind to do something you’d enjoy. You deserve to have the party you want … It’s not as though you were requesting something completely extravagant or crazy! It’d probably actually be cheaper for everyone involved to go along with what you initially wanted.
Post # 8
maybe you ARE going to the beach but they want it to be a surprise. I wanted to go to the big city for my day and my bms told me the Maid/Matron of Honor planned it and we were going car camping. I was devistated!!! I LOVE CAMPING! But i wanted a night of scandalously dressed men and penis hats….so i could look back and laugh my face off!….not bug bites and a sore back from sleeping on the gound.
ANYWAYS everyone was meeting at my parents place and we were driving to the site from there….and went to leave there was a limo that drove us though the big city. ANd i wore penis everything and I danced and high fived strippers.
I was being nosey so they made up a fake bachelorette party scenerio to throw me off their trail. My Fiance was in on it too.
Post # 9
@angelinthesnowxo: Uh, yeah, I have no idea what she was thinking. She and I are very different people, and our friendship is very much an “opposites attracting” thing but usually it’s not so bad!
@FiddleSticks: Honestly, it wasn’t pretty. She told me I didn’t appreciate what she was trying to do for me and if I didn’t let her plan my bachelorette party, we’d never be friends again, and I told her that if she honestly thought I’d enjoy what she was planning, maybe that was for the best because she obviously didn’t know me. Then there was A LOT of incoherent screaming. I have never gotten in such a fight with anyone in my life. It was awful. Then she wouldn’t speak to me for two weeks, which were practically the worst two weeks of my life. It was worse than a breakup – all I could do was lie in bed and cry. Then she got over it. For about a month our friendship was really rocky and confusing, but then we found new footing and now we’re good. And we had so much fun at the wedding and related events. This isn’t the first time something similar has happened with her, but it was definitely the worst time.
Post # 10
@mrsbreakingbad: I wish you were right, but I highly doubt it unless my FI/BMs have been using multiple levels of detailed lies. I first found out what weekend it was going to be when one of my BMs accidentally spilled the beans about what weekend it was–MOH and I had a fight over something else and Bridesmaid or Best Man let it slip when she was consoling me. That Bridesmaid or Best Man is also concerned that I do not like surprises/would want to pack my own bag/etc, and she’s a horrible liar, so I do not think she was trying to trick me. Then I found out the details of the weekend when I saw an email from Maid/Matron of Honor to Fiance (FI left his email up on the computer, I thought it was mine because I saw an email from MOH). Nobody except original Bridesmaid or Best Man knew I knew any details (and she only thought I knew a date). Then, my BMs sent out an email “cluing me in” on my bachelorette party in which they told me a fake plan at a place far away from here (which, ironically, sounds better than the real thing). I already know one of my BMs has booked a flight for the weekend at the casino (she sent me the flight info), so I don’t think the fake plan is actually the real plan (the fake plan is no where near the casino she’s flying to). I’ve confronted Fiance to ask whether the fake plan IS actually my bachelorette, but he told me that I was over-thinking it and assured me that the casino was my real bachelorette. He then showed me the entire back and forth email chain btw him, Maid/Matron of Honor, and the rest of the BMs because I didn’t believe him. So, I’m pretty sure the casino is the real plan, but the whole thing is a cluster-$&# of lies.
@distracts: Wow that’s awful. If my Maid/Matron of Honor planned a budior shoot for me in front of all my friends I, too, would confont her and refuse to let her plan that. But since I feel like my party at the casino won’t be completely horrible/embarassing, maybe I should just suck it up–maybe it’s not worth a huge blow-up/fight. Though, i tend to avoid conflict and am a people pleaser, to a fault.
Post # 11
If someone is throwing you a party and they’re paying for it, then you go, be happy that they did something for you and if you want to go to the beach, then host your bridal party to a day at the beach on another day at your expense. What a wonderful way to express your appreciation to your BMs and do what you want to do!