- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Hi ladies! So I basically just wanted to write about my joint bachelorette/bachelor party that I had a few weekends ago. My mind is everywhere, so I am sorry if this is jumbled! To give some background info, I am having a VERY small wedding (like 30 people), and was originally not going to have a shower or party. At the beginning of this year, my bridesmaid (the only bridesmaid I have.. my sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor, but she’s only 18), asked if I wanted a party. I said it’d be okay, but I didn’t want anyone to have to go out of their way. I live out of state (have for a year now), and don’t have a lot of friends in the area. She insisted on wanting to do something, talking about how she loves planning things, and I said ok! So she and my Mom were going to do something together… but wouldn’t contact each other and had very different ideas. Because of the differences, we decided to split things up.. have 1 night with my family, and the other with some friends in Pittsburgh (place I went to school). So, that was going to be rough because it had to be in the same weekend… but we decided it was the best thing to do.
My mom wanted to do a spa day, and then a nice evening out. My bridemsaid had also expressed wanting to do a spa day…and was very adamant about what she wanted to do, so my Mom changed her plans to a nice shopping day, and then evening out. My bridesmaid talked about the plans and things she wanted to do… and I got excited. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I did. Months went by… and as time went on, things changed. She didn’t have money… didn’t know what to do. I kept telling her we never had to do this, etc etc, but she insisted. As time went on,my Fiance ended up taking the reigns because he wanted me to have a nice party. He continually asked her what she needed, what she wanted to do.. He even picked out and paid for the invitations and postage, and had them sent to her. They sat at her place for weeks.
Finally she sent them out, but the directions for what we were doing were so vague, it was clear we didn’t have any plans. Finally, she said she could only afford to maybe help me with a manicure/pedicure. She said she would get us appointments set up at a salon… and I guess she had told my Fiance of other plans and ideas for the day. The day of, I found out she never made an appointment. Our best man and his girlfriend were worried, so they ended up waiting at the salon before we got there, ensuring we would have our appointments. They were so busy that day that if it weren’t for them, we would have never gotten in.
So anyway, the day arrived and we meet up. The girls who came were all of her friends, some of them I just met that day. I did end up seeing one girl I knew and was friends with in College, and she bought me a bottle of wine with a nice bow. I thought it was really nice and thoughtful for someone I hadn’t seen in two years! So we got to the salon and my bridesmaid ran off with her friends. My Fiance’s best man’s girlfriend was also there… and they all ignored her too. I have only hung out with this girl 3 times (including that day) but she made me feel more loved than any of the others, especially my bridesmaid.
Before we left, my friend’s girlfriend said it was obvious no one was going to help with my manicure/pedicure, so she paid for it herself. I didn’t expect that at all, and certainly did not expect her to. I had my own money for the mani/pedi just in case. It was so nice, though, because she is a new friend of mine. Before we left the salon, my bridesmaid said she didn’t have cash for tips and asked if I could front her and her friend (that I just met) the cash until later that day. I couldn’t believe it.
So we left from there to go back to the hotel to get ready, play games, have fun girl time. As I was walking out and saying goodbye to the guys, the girls walked off without me. Literally left me there. They were several blocks up, and didn’t even notice I wasn’t behind them. I had to chase after them and yell so that they’d remember me. When we got to the hotel.. there were no games.. no fun… one of the girls brought weed so they charged my room service for water so that they could build a bong and get high before we left…. Their whole plan revolved around getting high. Everyone smoked but me.
When we finally left the hotel.. I had to pay for the cab. The rest of the evening, the girls ran ahead in their group, automatically running into bars and clubs and not even talking to me or asking me where I’d like to go. I’d run in after and find them already at the bar with drinks. The one girl had been sneaking out throughout the night to snort coke I found out later….
At dinner, the best man paid for EVERYONE’S meals, even her friends. It was extremely generous.
That’s not even all of the details, but I think you get the point. It’s not about the money.. but my bridesmaid didn’t even do so much as buy me a drink. I ended up spending the rest of the evening with my brother, fiance, fiance’s best man, and his lovely girlfriend. They paid for our hotel that evening.. my mani/pedi.. dinner.. drinks…. it was very nice. But that wasn’t what made it special.. they actually paid attention.. included me, and they were caring. If it weren’t for them, the whole thing would have been a wreck. My bridesmaid made the entire night about herself, and her friends. It really seemed like she had to force herself to remember that we were out celebrating for me. I ended the night early because I was done with it!
I can’t help but feel disappointed with how things turned out. I had never wanted a party in the first place.. but is was her insistence that led me to agree. I had also changed my mother’s plans because she insisted on things she wanted to do, and then didn’t follow through. I just couldn’t believe how she acted. Definitely makes me second-guess things!