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Could you just get together with a group of your East Coast friends for a night out? I might drop them a short e-mail and just let them know that you're not expecting them to make the trip, but that it also didn't feel right to just leave them off the invite list. I think they'll appreciate knowing you're not mad at them for not going :).
It sometimes is a conundrum. If you send an invitation to someone you know likely won't be able to attend, you waste energy worrying about what they think of your intentions. If you don't send an invitation, then you worry that they might think their presence wasn't wanted.
Let it go.
If you want, send them a quick email after you received their response and tell them that you COMPLETELY understand their not being able to attend and look forward to seeing them at the wedding(obviously to those who have RSVP'd yes).Or that you will miss them at this time in your life but will share pics as soon as you can, to the rest.
@jo.lee: I thought about that, but they're so spread out that it'd still be really inconvenient and/or require a plane flight for a lot of the people who can't make it out here.
@julies1949: I'm totally being a guilt-monger, aren't I? That's exactly what I'm thinking - that people would rather be invited than left off. You make a good point about making sure I email everyone who can't make it to let them know that I understand and will miss them.
@Entangled: I totally think the e-mail will be enough, then. Just let them know you love them and appreciate them, and I can't imagine anyone being upset :)
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OK, so this probably is one of those reassurance type posts, but if you think I am being a bridezilla or a bossypants or whatever, you can let me know.
Both my fiance and I live in California and are from the NYC area. We decided to have our wedding in California, about 90 minutes from where we live because 1) it's awesome and 2) we're way too lazy to plan a wedding from 3,000 miles away. We're getting a few "no" responses already (haven't sent formal invites yet) because of it but people are pretty understanding given that we live here and all.
For his bachelor party, my fiance is doing something on the east coast. Most of his close friends still live there, and he's getting a bunch of people saying they'll come, including people who may not make it to the wedding.
I made the opposite choice - I've lived in California longer and about half of my friends live out here. We decided to spend a weekend in San Diego in August, inviting people who live in LA, San Francisco, Seattle, Sacramento and a whole bunch of people back east (argh! why must people be so spread out!). I am getting a lot of nos, and a lot of them are budget related because people are already saving up for one cross-country flight for the wedding.
Now I feel bad that I've essentially invited a bunch of people and they might feel like I'm expecting them to haul their butt out here twice. Which, I'm not... I mean, sure it'd be nice if they could, but I understand and just want them to feel included even though I don't have the time to plan something that would be more convenient for them.
Gah! That got really long. Anyway, is anyone else going through this? Is there anything I can do to make sure people don't feel hurt? I don't think I'm doing anything out of line - it sucks to be all destination-y for both a wedding and a bachelorette party, but my friends and family are so spread out that that's really the only option.