Post # 1
So my MOH is planning my bachelorette party, which was supposed to be a surprise. Over the last several months I’ve been getting comments from my friends indicating that no one is happy with her current plans. I decided to stay out of it and let them work it out.
Just recently, my mother decided that she should be invited to this party. Which puts me in a horrible position because I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to be there, but I can’t tell my mother that. She’ll take it as meaning I don’t want her to be a part of anything and blow it all out of proportion…this is just what she does.
My MOH then asked me about this and told me that she was having a lot of trouble in general with the planning of this party. Apparently my mom thinks that my FMIL and my God Mother should also be invited…which I am definitely not comfortable with. That’s what the shower is for.
In an attempt to take some of the pressure off my MOH I called my Mom and told her that she could come, but I didn’t want the others there. She then began screaming at me over the phone about how what my MOH is planning isn’t feasible and that no one will come if she continues. Eventually I got tired of being yelled at and hung up and turned my phone off.
Apparently my mom then decided to call my MOH and yell at her, which of course has caused her to be very upset and was completely un-called for. She’s fortunately not mad at me, but it has caused this whole thing to become very tense.
After apologizing to her 50 million times, I called my FH and told him what happened and that I was thinking about not even having a bachelorette party. He said that if I didn’t have one then he wasn’t going to.
I then thought about the possibility of scrapping both parties and having a co-ed last night out for all of our friends. What do you think? Do you think this will solve the drama? Should we ask the bridal party to plan it, or just plan it ourselves?
Thanks for reading my drama!
Post # 3
Wow. All the drama.
The co-ed thing sounds like it could be fun! I think you should do whatever speaks to what you and your Fi want. It sounds like you are going to take the bull by the horns and steer this in a direction that will make the masses happy! That’s good!
I don’t understand why your mom and godmother want to go… I would think they would just let you have the time to yourself with your friends… oh well!
Post # 4
Could you secretly still have a bachelorette bash? As in, "oops a bunch of us got together and magically a tiara popped up on my head?" and disguise it as "friends night out?" Personally, my mom is coming to mine but my ma is super cool and i don’t care. But if i did, i wouldn’t want her there and i’d expect her to deal. It might solve the drama, but do you really want a joint one? I want my own! and my Fi wanted his own guys night out, too.
Post # 5
For my SIL’s bachelorette night a bunch of us went out to dinner then she and her friends went out clubbing. I was a BM but I was under 21. My Mom and I went to the dinner part and then left. Would it be possible to include a dinner where everyone was invited?
I’m sorry you have to deal with this, your bachelorette night should be fun, not stressful!!
Post # 6
I agree that if you end up with your mom, MIL, and GM at the party you need to have another friends only party! For heaven’s sakes, I would die if my mom saw me out at a bachelorette! It just seems odd that they would even ask to be there.
As for planning it yourself – would that cause more drama and offense? Or could you play it off as ‘helping out’?
Post # 7
I agree with what others said, you can have a "bachelorette party" and go to dinner with your friends, mom, FMIL, & god mother….THEN have a real bachelorette party with your friends after, that your mom doesn’t have to know about. Basically your MOH can send out two invites one for the fake bachelorette party that the elders will be at, then a second for the one for just your friends, and everyone will know to keep it on the DL. That way everyone is happy and your friends won’t feel awkward about your mom, FMIL, & god mother all there while your out at a club or bar 🙂
Post # 8
I say do the co-ed party. I think we’re going to do that, cuz FI and I hate to be apart for any length of time. I’m going to a conference for 2 1/2 days an hour away and he told me he would pay for the extra gas if I came home each night and slept with him instead of staying there(which I’m probably going to do since sleeping in a strange bed by myself is def not anywhere on my list of things I like to do). I’m doing a separate low key thing with just the girls but we will probably have a party at our house with all our friends a few days before the wedding. I think its crap that you mom thinks all the women should be invited – like another poster said, that’s what the shower is for
Post # 9
I think whatever you do, keep your mom out of it!
That said, I would suggest that you tell your mom that the party or parties are cancelled. One night, tell her you are heading out with your friends just to *hang out* and go out and have your bachelorette party!
You could even give it another title! What is something your mom hates? If your mom hates Musical Theater, tell her its a Musical Theater gag party or something!
Sorry you are dealing with this. That doesn’t sound like much fun!
Post # 10
Oy. Drama! I don’t understand why parents think that bachelor or bachelorette parties are their territory. My FI is dealing with this same thing with his dad. Like, just let the youngins have their fun! It’s one thing if you extend an invitation to mom, FMIL, etc. but to just ask to be invited or assume – weird. And the fact that she chewed out your MOH is NOT ok. I’m glad she’s not mad at you! I’d definitely go with the dinner scenario and then the second, secret night out but MAKE SURE everyone knows it is to be kept super secret. You don’t want it slipping out at the wedding or rehearsal dinner – someone is tipsy and says "remember at yolur bachelorette…" and then your mom flips.
On the other hand, if you and your FI are cool doing a coed party then go for it. I’ve been to those and they are just as fun. I personally want to do separate parties just because I love my girl time and he loves his guy time. I’d probably feel differently if he wasnt 100% anti-stripper, though…
Post # 11
Have 2!!! Have one that your mom and everyone is invited to and then keep the other one a secret and "go out with friends" like ejs4y8 said.
This way you get to party more and everyone gets to join in!
Post # 12
Umm are we long lost twins, your mother sounds just like mine! : ) For my sister’s Bachelorette, we had dinner where everyone was invited, and then went to AC for the rest of the night without the moms. The co-ed idea sounds like a great idea too, but would your mom expect to be invited to that as well?
Post # 13
Before you cancel it altogether, what the heck is your MOH planning?! I think you should ask and spoil the surprise, if only because whatever it is seems to be causing such intense emotions in everyone around you. Maybe if she could scale it back, it would make your other friends happier and your mom might not feel like she has to go.
In the end you should do whatever makes you and your FI happy.
Post # 14
sorry to hear that.
i too went through bachelorette party drama. a friend of mine offered to plan it, so i gave her a list of guests. but so much time passed and there was no news.finally, as my to-do-list piled up, i told her i’d rather cancel it (said i a neutral manner).
she insisted on continuing, but tried to be so mysterious / not clear with plans that out of my guest list of 9, only 3 are turning up because she informed us at the last minute.
worst yet, the timing totally clashed with my work, despite what i’ve told her. so i had to (just) put in an application for the party tmrrw.
i just wanna tear my hair out, scream, and say i don’t wanna be there, but i don’t wanna be ungrateful
i hope it works better for you, and perhaps gently explain to yr mom that it’s for that particular group of friends?i did a sleepover shower with 4 close friends earlier this month, a bachelorette party tomorrow (which i wanted to nix) with 9, and then a pedicure session (we booked the whole salon) 2 days before the wedding with my FMIL and FSILs — i don’t consider them "friends" but they kept asking about being "involved" in the wedding.
so that was my method of separating the groups of people. maybe you could consider a pedicure/manicure thing with yr mom/FMIL/godmother?
Post # 15
Thanks for the advice! I worked it out with my MOH. We are going to tell my Mom that the bachelorette party is cancelled and have a co-ed party that everyone under the sun can come to if they want. Then we’re going to have a secret party with just my friends. I hate to lie to my Mom, but sometimes you just have to in order to avoid hard feelings.
P.S. My mom apologized to my MOH and it’s all good now. 🙂