Post # 1
I have an older sister, growing up we were close. We hung out with the same people, shared a room, etc. In high school when she would like a guy it ended up that he would have been interested in me so she has some resentment towards me from that. Over the past year she and I grew apart because she always felt inadequate compared to me (her words, not mine) despite me trying to prevent that from happening.
She went her own way and kind of turned into a flake – won’t return text messages, shows up late to friend’s weddings, etc. Because of this, I was worried about having her as my MOH- she has never been in a wedding and to be honest, doesn’t really seem to care about them.
My FI & I decided no BM or MOH, mostly in hopes of not offending anyone (he has 4 older brothers)… Also, I’m very close with his sister-in-laws. They are my best friends, and if I was going to have a MOH I would pick one of them. They have been extremely helpful … gone to all my dress fittings, hair trials, etc. When I text my sister and invite her, she never responds. Regardless, I asked my sister to stand up next to me, in which she replied “maybe you should have one of FI’s sister-in-laws do it… they know about weddings”. I told her I want her to stand by me, we will figure out what she has to do, etc.
Fast forward to now… my bachelorette party is Saturday. She was invited and said she was going.
I texted her last night to tell her the address of where we are meeting and she never replied.
I logged into facebook today and she made a post saying “I need something fun to do this Saturday”.
I’m trying really hard not to be offended but I can’t seem to shake the fact that I have always gone out of my way to make her comfortable and she is going to flake on her ONLY sister’s bachelorette party.
Post # 3
I probably would have posted something like, “The bachelorette party will be awesome. Can’t wait to see you Saturday!!” But I have no problem needling people who clearly are trying to get a rise out of me.
And for the record, what a bitch.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You sound like a lovely person and she obviously has insecurity issues.
My best advice is this; I find that we are often the most hurt by people when we have expectations of them that they do not meet, and then we are dissapointed. Often the best course of action is to be realistic about your expectations, and then hopefully be pleasantly surprised if/when they exceed them.
Your sister sounds like she’s going through a selfish phase, so to expect that she will be excited about your wedding activities, especially when she has expressed resentment towards you, is setting yourself up for dissapointment.
I know it’s not great advice about getting your sister involved/excited, but it will hopefully help a bit with the dissapointment side of things….
Post # 5
@CanAmBride: Yeah, that’s true. I feel like I’d normally be less upset about it but with the wedding being so close my emotions are in full affect haha.
@sportsgal31: And that’s also a good idea! I never even thought to comment it 😉
Post # 6
I’m sorry 🙁 it sucks to feel like your family is not being as supportive as you wish they would be/as they should be. I agree with PP, that she is going through a selfish or insecure phase of her life. She already feels inadequate in a normal situation, so she probably just mentally and emotionally couldn’t handle a time when you are even MORE in the limelight, if that makes sense? She might be avoiding it just to avoid making a scene… which would, in my opinion, be far worse and far more upsetting than her not going. Of course, there is a tactful way to not come, and there is an immature way to post passive aggressive facebook statuses. She’s probably just trying to figure out how to keep a distance without confronting all of the emotional issues surrounding your relationship. Let the bachelorette party thing go… and then try to sit one on one with her another time and really try to understand her POV.. let her vent… because even though you never tried to be better than her, in her eyes, that’s how it is. Perception is reality, and to start healing she needs to understand and believe that her perception of you is not what you intended to project. Good luck!!!!!