- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I apologize now because I already know this is going to be SUPER long. I’ve written before about my bridesmaids making things a little difficult with their dresses and just overall not being super supportive in the wedding planning process. None of it was all that bad until now…now, I feel really upset, maybe a little angry and I just don’t know what to do or make of the whole situation. I’ll start from the beginning…
I have 3 BMs that I love on a regular basis but from the get-go, things haven’t been all that smooth. I don’t even ask much of them…I’ve planned everything on my own or with my FI and the only thing they helped with thus far was coming dress shopping with me a couple times and even then, they just sat there and didn’t give a whole lot of input. Some even complained about being there. It just sucked that other people’s families were way more helpful and I eventually just went dress shopping solo because I was tired of them complaining.
Anyways, one of my sisters is my MOH. I chose her to be my MOH because not only is she my sister but she was also the best planner out of my BMs (I said “best out of,” not necessarily saying she’s a great planner) so I figured she would be up to the task of planning all the things the the MOH does. Well our wedding is in less than 5 months and I hadn’t heard a word about a bridal shower or bachelorette party. I know 5 months is a little early for these things and I understand that everyone is really busy with their life but I, at least, expected something from them about these events – at least a guest list of who I’d want there or something. So I brought it up to my MOH casually that our cousin is leaving for Ghana in mid-January and she’s already expressed to the both of us that she really wanted to be a part of the bachelorette party before she leaves. Considering mid-January is rapidly approaching, I expected some kind of planning to be going on but there seemed to be no urgency coming from my MOH and I was a little bit peeved. I also expressed to her that my FI and I wanted to have a joint-party if that was possible and to work with his best man to plan it. We were thinking of a cabin in South Lake Tahoe – that way, during the day, the guys can go snowboarding and us girls can go on a spa day and then at night, we could all head over to the casinos. I just want to make it clear that even though I enjoy snowboarding, snowboarding was NOT what I, personally, wanted to do at my bachelorette party…I thought I made it very clear to her as well but apparently not. She told me that she’ll get on it and that was the last I’d heard from her.
I, then, find out from my FI that she has been planning my bachelorette party for the last couple of weeks so I shouldn’t get too upset at her since she is performing her duties. I felt so relieved and was soooo happy that my BMs actually did care (I was beginning to think they didn’t). I’m not supposed to know about the party because my BP decided they wanted to keep it a secret from me. I only know because my FI reached his wit’s end on how to deal with my crazy sister and needed my help…
My MOH contacted him (instead of his best man like I told her to) about combining the 2 parties. She did some research for cabins in Big Bear (in SoCal –COMPLETELY not the same as Tahoe…), told my fiance who she invited on my side (definitely not my first choice of people I’d want there…but more on that later), what everyone’s budget was, and told him to invite his friends. Since a couple of people’s budgets weren’t that big, she ended up choosing a really small cabin that really only comfortably sleeps 6 people. There isn’t even enough space on the floor to put air beds. But because of the smaller budget, they wanted to cram 20 people into this cabin to save money…I’m not sure if she fully thought it through but basically, she expected my FI’s friends to pay the same as everyone else and sleep crammed altogether on the floor. We understand that people are on a budget but FI and I really don’t think that’s fair to his friends at all…
My FI said he’ll check with his friends to see if they can make it and he’ll get back to her soon. She waited less than 24 hours and booked the cabin without telling him assuming that as long as he and his brother go, they’ll be fine. My BMs planned this for the Saturday before Christmas up to Christmas Eve…and for whatever reason, expected everyone to not have plans for the holidays. And then when my FI got back to her and told her that none of his friends can make it, she got mad at him for not telling her before she booked the cabin…EVEN THOUGH SHE BOOKED IT WITHOUT TELLING HIM. I saw the text…it was literally less than 15 hours in between him telling her he’ll check and then her telling him she signed the contract. My FI even mentioned to her several times that if his friends couldn’t come then we should just do something else because he knows that snowboarding isn’t necessarily what I would want to do if it was my own thing. She didn’t listen to him at all (she isn’t the most flexible person…there’s always only a Plan A, never a Plan B). And then she told my FI that he and his brother would be the ones driving us up the mountains because everyone else is scared to/didn’t have a car. My cousins will be driving on their own straight there (coming from up North) and can’t pick anyone else up. But there’s only 2 parking spots between 3 cars and they expect my FI’s brother to park somewhere else since they all can’t fit. The whole thing doesn’t make sense…nor is it fair to my FI and his brother because they’re just essentially drivers. When my FI told her that he didn’t think it was fair that his brother goes (FI is fine driving us around even though he’ll just sit in the cabin all day) and still pay when it’s not even a bachelor’s party anymore, she got really mad at him and yelled at him and asked him “HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET THERE THEN?!?! WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO RENT CARS NOW?!?”…basically reaffirming that they’re just there to be drivers. My FI asked his brother if he wouldn’t mind going and the brother said he thought that was weird and really doesn’t want to go. So no one but my FI is going from his side and my MOH is now freaking out because there isn’t enough people to pay for the cabin and blaming him for it.
I told him there ARE other people I want there aside from my BMs and my cousins…I DO HAVE FRIENDS, YOU KNOW??? So he casually mentions to her that even though they want to keep it a surprise, she should at least ask me who I would want there. She fought with him for a little bit about how they wanted to keep it a surprise but a couple days later (I think after she realized she needed more people), she finally texted me asking for a guest list. I give the names and contact info of a couple people and she contacts them. She’s now mad again because none of them can go…well yeah, it’s the weekend before Christmas and you’re asking them a week beforehand!! Obviously no one will be able to make it -___- I’m not sure what she was expecting here but she blamed my FI again for not telling her who to invite earlier. (I REALLY feel bad for my FI in this situation because, really, none of this is his fault…=)
I was just going to suck it up and deal with it because I’m just grateful that they’re doing anything but today I find out that, not only will I be completely paying for my portion of this party (no, none of them are paying a cent for me), but they’re inviting THEIR friends I’ve NEVER met to MY bachelorette party to make up for the cost of the cabin…at this point, I’m REALLY REALLY angry/disappointed/upset at the whole situation…I’m really not sure how to feel or what to do. I’m still not supposed to know about it and it’s supposed to be a surprise but I’m just really so emotional over the whole thing. This party is really not something I would’ve thrown for myself had I planned it and the only thing getting me by on it was that I should just be grateful that I’m not paying for it…but that’s not even the case anymore! I would’ve rather just gone to Disneyland with that money and had a much better time =
Again, I apologize for this being so long…it’s just a lot of drama.
Oh…and something that really doesn’t make matters any better is that my MOH doesn’t plan on coming to the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner. She’s in med school so I understand that she’s busy. But when I told her that I’m going to have the other BMs learn her part so they can explain to her what she needs to do the morning of the wedding, she just got really upset and has ignored me ever since. She’s never been this huge a part of a wedding before so I want to make sure she understands what she needs to do (we were readers in my bro’s wedding but she missed the rehearsal then too because she missed her flight…but that’s a much smaller role so it wasn’t hard to fill her in). I’ve tried to be as laid-back of a bride as I possibly can – I haven’t demanded much from them except to show up to a couple dress appointments. My FI and I are doing all the DIY stuff on our own with no help/offer from them…basically, all they need to do is show up. But apparently that’s also too much to ask for. What really sucks is knowing that I’m trying to show them how much I love and appreciate that they’re part of this wedding (I even got them each a dozen chocolate cover strawberries delivered to their homes to officially ask them to be my bridesmaids) and I’m not getting a whole lot of love back…