(Closed) Bachelorette Party Vent – Sorry, super long!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

[content moderated for name-calling, personal attacks]

Post # 6
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I really didn’t get much out of the OP’s post other than she’s really upset and not getting the behavior she wants out of her bridal party.

1) No one will care more than you about your wedding.  Your colors, what you wear, your parties, all matter more to you and your FI than anyone else.

2) The bachelorette party/bridal shower are thrown in honor of the bride.  No one gets these just because “the bride is supposed to have one”.

I’m not quite sure what the Maid of Honor has to do at a wedding besides having the title next to her in the programs (if you have them).  If you need someone to help bustle your gown after the ceremony, you can get someone else to learn how to do it. 

Post # 7
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

not going to lie I didn’t read the whole thing. But, I got to combined party. At that point, I think if B&G are having a combined bach party they need to plan it.  Our Best Man and MOH were gung ho about planning our separate bach parties but when we started talking joint party, we decided we’d take the lead in planning and funding most of it. 

BMs are supposed to get the dress and show up at your wedding to stand by your side.  Anything extra they do that above and beyond is just an added bonus and should not be expected.

Honestly, if I was a MOH or BM for a bride that EXPECTED those things, no chance in hell I’d do them.  People tend to want to do nice things for you when you don’t expect them to.

Post # 8
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

also you don’t do nice things for people so you get nice things done for you in return. Gifts are given freely with  no expectations of anything in return. 

Post # 9
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you have too many expectations about what your bachelorette should be like… the MOH/bridesmaids aren’t required to throw you ANY party, yet you’re upset b/c it isn’t exactly where you want it to be and exactly how you want it.

 

Post # 10
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

All I expect/assume I am getting for a bachelorette is a night out at the bars. I think expecting your bridesmaids/guests to pay for transportation, lodging, and entertainment at a resort area (and a very specific resort area at that, the one that was chosen wasn’t good enough for you) is unrealistic.

I do think it sucks that things were done sloppily and on short notice, but most people don’t have a bachelorette party months and months before the wedding. I would have waited until closer to the wedding, and if your cousin couldn’t make it then that’s the way it is.

Post # 11
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Reality checky, sweetie.

Post # 12
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I did read the whole thing.

i think that planning any sort of big trip like this is asking for trouble. You would have been much better off to just do the traditional bachelorette party and avoid all of this crap. 

Cant say I blame you, I’d be really rattled if they invited their friends to my bachelorette. 

I don’t kow what else to say except I’m sorry to hear. All you can do is just think of it as a weird trip with FI. 

Post # 13
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sounds like no one really read the thread. I would be upset too, OP. I mean, seriously? Booking the cabin without notice and trying to force your FI’s friends to pay a bunch of money to sleep crammed on the floor? Trying to force your FI and his brother to be chauffeurs after the bachelor party part fell through? Inviting a bunch of people you don’t know to cover the cost of this ridiculous idea? Giving everyone a week’s notice for the weekend before Christmas?

I understand why you would feel angry and hurt. It seems like absolutely no thought went into what you would like. My only advice is just to try to relax, accept the fact that your bachelorette party is going to be totally different than anything you would have wanted, and try to approach the weekend with a positive attitude. Maybe the girls you don’t know will end up being really fun and awesome! I hope it works out well for you.

Post # 14
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@jewlzee:  Wow I’m really shocked by people’s comments here.  I read your entire post and would be LIVID if my sister tried to pull this.  I know there are a lot of posts on the Bee about bridesmaids and MOHs not helping out, and I agree often times brides sound completely ungrateful.  However I don’t feel this is the case at all with you. You are totally justified in your feelings.

If I were you I would let my sister know that I’m in on the surprise, and that I’m not happy about her decisions.  Is it too late for her to get her money back?  That fact that she was planning to book a cabin for 6, for 20 people is just insane.  And now she’s inviting friends of her own??  A week before Christmas?  Lol I’m actually getting mad just reading this, imagining if I were in your shoes.  I would be REALLY mad.  I’m not sure if the MOH that is missing rehearsal is your sister or someone else but I’m not sure what her deal is… why would she be mad about that?  I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much drama!  Good luck, let us know how it turns out!!

Post # 15
Member
9063 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

So, let me get this straight. You’re throwing a fit because the party (Which you aren’t entitled to) isn’t absolutely down to the T what you would have planned yourself?

Well, if you’re so unhappy with it, plan your own bachelorette party that wayyou get what you want and then everybody is happy.

Remember, you picked these women to be your Maid of Honor/Bridesmaids for a reason, and if you’re suddenly going to disapprove of everything they do, you need to rethink why you picked them. Was it just convienant for you?

Do not give gifts expecting rainbows in return. Gifts are GIFTS. If you are giving them with the expectation that you will get the same/better in return, you’re using them as emotional leverage and not as a gift.

I think your expectations are far, far too high and you set your bridal party up to fail, only becuase they can’t meet your expectations.

My advice is to plan your own party. From your post, I got the vibe that it’s what you wanted to do in the first place to ensure that you would be the happiest woman evar, so just do it. Cut them out of it. Plan it yourself. It will be a lot less stress on your bridal party, then.

 

Post # 16
Member
9400 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I do think you’re expecting a little too much out of them.

No one is supposed to care as much about it as you, so I really don’t know why you would be hurt that they aren’t rushing to do your DIY stuff.  I will probably only have one big DIY project…and I am planning on doing it all myself.  I’m not going to drag my BM over to paper punch a bunch of birds and glue them to strings.  I’m just going to do it myself. 

The way I see it…your BM don’t need to do anything other than order their dress and throw the bridal shower/bachelorette party (as long as they know well beforehand you would like them to do this) and then show up for the rehearsal (if they are able) and the day of the wedding.

Now…I think you could have had better communication between yourself and your BM/MOH.  If it was me I probably would have told them “Hey…I am thinking this would sound fun for a bachelorette party, what do you think?  Ok, well then it would probably be good to do it at about X day on X month.  I will give you a list of people that I want you to invite.  Can you let me know by X day what days this will be going on so that I can take off work/make sure I am free”  Personally…if it were me, I wouldn’t have just let someone tell me “It’s a surprise you can’t know anything.”  I would have made sure we had a discussion about what date would be good and who should be invited.  Then I could have let the rest up to them.

FWIW I think you should have demanded a little more control of the situation.  It’s hard enough to plan one but trying to plan a joint party when neither the Bride nor Groom are involved at all…sounds like a nightmare.  If I really wanted someone to plan it for me, I would have started the discussion with them at least 3 months ahead…not just waiting on them to come to you with it because you think they should do it.  It all sounds very last minute.

My BM are planning a trip for us that will take logistics and time to plan.  But guess what we’ve already had many discussions and the trip isn’t for 7 months yet.  I think for a trip it is ridiculous to keep you out of the loop completely.  I can understand being upset they invited random people.

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