Post # 1
I’m the kind of person that will be thankful no matter what I get…however, my bachelorette party is a once in a lifetime thing and I’d like to make sure it’s amazing! I’ve never gone on trips with friends, birthday parties have been so-so if any, etc etc.
Here’s my dilemma. My cousin is my maid of honor..she is a college student with a part time job and has been subject to not having a lot of money. The girl decides she’s going on a cruise a month before the wedding for $350.00. She didn’t pay for her dress and she’s like most people where she doesn’t want to put money into something if it’s not something she wants to do. For instants, tried to plan a NYC weekend trip for $400 (included hotel, flight and broadway show)..she backed out. wasn’t interested.
And everyone else is in some sort of financial dilemma. Don’t you hate it when this happens to you?
So I figured lets do something in town and all I ask is that we stay the night at a hotel and get a limo..turns out they can’t do a limo because it’s $100/hr. (I offered to contribute) so I said, how about we stay another night at the hotel then and make it sort of like a vacation? Get room service, swim at the pool, watch wedding movies! Nope. Maid/Matron of Honor has already asked off a week for the cruise and won’t be able to get off..ERRR!! Why couldn’t have you just waited until next year for your spring break?! You’ll still be in school then!
I would have loved for us to go to NYC like I’ve always wanted. Never been. But I decided it was too much, even though one has planned a $350 cruise, others have had bachelorette parties out of town for +$300. They are basically planning a night for us to go out and drink…things that we do all the time!! I’ve been willing to put out the dough because I don’t want to just have an everyday night, but they said it’s supposed to be a gift and I’m not even supposed to know what they plan.
How should I handle this!? I’m going to get shafted and basically have to deal with it! I want to say, forget it.
Post # 3
You can’t expect people to change their plans or what they spend money and time off on just because you are getting married… Also, I do not think you can really dictate what kind of party your friends throw for you. I’m not sure how you can handle this besides just expressing what you want, which you already have, but unfortunately seems out of the budget for your girls. I’m sure you’ll still have a lot of fun! Maybe just go to a bar/club none of you have been before to make it interesting? Also, maybe you could still do the overnight hotel stay, but your Maid/Matron of Honor will just have to duck out early?
Post # 4
I totally feel ya, sweetie. I would LOVE to have a girls night on the town complete with limo and bottle service…but you know what, that stuff costs MONEY and a lot of it. Even if you were to chip in, it could still end up costing them a lot (limo, hotel, drinks, food, etc.). You cannot tell people how to throw these parties. As a matter of fact, they are not obligated to throw you anything (it would be nice and it’s the right thing to do but they, technically, don’t have to).
The most you could do is tell them what you would like (if they ask) and hope for the best. And, be thankful for whatever you get. If you get nothing, try not to be too upset. Remember, you cannot dictate how others spend their money.
Post # 5
@DeathByDesign: You said it better than I could. Lol!
Post # 6
Thank you all for your honesty. I guess I just hate it when in their case they got to do these things and ask others to do them, but not in mine. Shoot my fiance is even getting a big weekend thing in the mountains with his buddies! Buttt I guess I’ll just have to get over it and be thankful my fiance is my best friend and will be there to take those trips with me. Thanks again!
Post # 7
@[email protected]: I know how you feel. My Fiance had an awesome bachelor party where they went to paintballing and to niagara falls for the weekend and I am not getting a party at all…
Post # 8
@[email protected]: I can sympathize too. My bridesmaid and Maid/Matron of Honor are underemployed and unemployed so I know I’m not getting much even though I’m paying for both of their dresses, hair and make-up. I just remind myself that it was my choice to do those things and they are “repaying me” by standing beside me on my wedding day. Sure I’m a little jelly that my FI’s friends are planning an awesome bash for him but come the wedding day it will be MY time to shine…as will you on your day. Best of luck!
Post # 9
@[email protected]: I agree with previous posters that you can’t expect everyone to make plans according to you, but…
You said they have gotten to do things like you want to do before. I think you should be honest and say you feel a bit hurt because they have all done these things, and this is your one and only chance, and you’d like for the night to be more special. Don’t say it in an aggressive way, just in a “I’m hoping you’ll understand” kind of way. That way, at least maybe they’ll do something different than the average night out… a night in a hotel sounds like a lot of fun!
Post # 10
I don’t know when bachelorette parties evolved into entire weekend getaways with champagne and limos and spa retreats, but just because those ones are high profile and exciting doesn’t mean they’re the norm.
What it comes down to is that you can’t dictate how people spend their time and money. If your friend wants to spend $350 on a cruise a month before your wedding, that’s her business.
The fact that your friends are doing anything for you at all means that you are most definitely not being “shafted”. If you want to go to NYC with some friends, organize it yourself another time with willing people who have the time and money.
ETA: It looks from your update that you just needed to get that off your chest. That’s good, just remember why these people are your friends in the first place, and don’t forget to appreciate the little things even if you’re secretly wishing for grander gestures!