Bachelorette–went to theirs and they declined mine?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@darkflame:  it is an invite and not a subpoena.

It is none of your business why they declined your invitation. The great thing about being an adult is that you get to choose what you do and you do not owe anyone an explanation for it.

Have you never declined an invite to something?

 

Post # 4
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@darkflame, I understand how you are feeling. I was in a similar situation. A bunch of my friends got married a few years before me, and I attended all of their wedding events. Now, a few years later, it’s my turn, but everyone is “busy.” Yes, I realize people have to decline invitations sometimes, but it is frustrating when you make an effort to attend other people’s special events but it feels like the same effort isn’t being made in return.

It sucks, you have the right to feel bummed out, but try to focus on the people who ARE coming, and have a great time! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@darkflame:  you’re looking at this the wrong way. You choosing to attend their event doesn’t equal a contractual agreement that they will then attend yours. Invite people that you want there, because you want them there, not because you think they owe you one. It’s too bad they can’t come, but whatever their reasons, it doesn’t matter. You should have attended their events for no reason other than you wanted to- not so you could hold it over their head later. 

Post # 6
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@darkflame:  It sounds like maybe you are disappointed. I can see why.

But I have learned though the years, that A LOT of people do not see relationships as reciprocal!! They just don’t.

Are these same people coming to any other parties or your wedding? Maybe it’s a cost thing? Like if they are coming to your wedding, that’s a nice outfit and a gift in addition to your bachelorette party, which would be another nice outfit, maybe dinner and drinks and a possible gift (if you are having a lingerie party)…

Personally, if I was invited to a shower, b party and a wedding, unless I was super, super close to the bride, I would likely only go to the wedding. MAYBE the shower.

Post # 7
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@darkflame:  Some people are selfish jerks, but really, they don’t need a reason or justification for not going. Maybe they just don’t want to, plain and simple. You sucked it up and went to theirs, but that doesn’t mean they have to do the same. I know it doesn’t seem fair, and it’s hard to be objective when you’re in the situation. However, you will have friends there so focus on that rather than on the gals who don’t want to make the effort.

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Coral99:  That’s a great point. For a lot of folks, all of these events equal money. You have no idea what their financial situations are, so it isn’t fair to judge them for their decisions. I hate parties, so I would go to the wedding and that’s it. That doesn’t make me a jerk, that makes me selective in how I spend my time and money. A wedding brings a lot of events and it is unreasonable to accept folks to attend every.single.one.

Post # 10
Member
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve declined due to price. And I’ve lied about it “I have a project due” when there’s no project.

Post # 12
Member
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@darkflame:  still costs money. and I’d still decline and lie about. I don’t need the money pity (which I’ve gotten many, many times when I said “I’m broke, can’t afford it… blah blah blah). It’s just easier to lie.

I’m sorry obviously my answer isn’t satisfactory to you, but it is what it is.

Post # 13
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@darkflame:  There’s transportation costs as well.  A friend of mine wanted to meet up last weekend almost two hours from where I live.  That’s about half a tank of gas for me.  And here in the midwest, our gas prices have not been fantastic lately. Yeah, I have the money to do it, but I don’t want to.  I’d rather take the $35 and put it towards other things.

Plus it’s really quite miserable to go to a bar and just have water.  Congrats to you for doing it, but not all of us are exactly grinding at the gears for that same opportunity.

Post # 15
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@darkflame:  Well, maybe to some, “just dinner” is expensive to them. Or they don’t like bars. Or they don’t like spending money on food/drink that isn’t at their house. Or they can’t find a baby sitter. Or they have other obligations. Or they are on the outs with their partner and your b-party was the ONE night they have plans and they don’t want to mess up. Or….

 

You get my drift. There are many reasons for someone to decline. I can see why you might be disappointed or bothered by it. But now it seems you have a reason not to go to anymore things you don’t want to go to! 🙂

 

And in the future, no matter the “raised eyebrows” or “bad blood”, if your heart isn’t in it…don’t go. It’s not something you enjoy and life is too short. Ya know? Just go to things that are a good fit for you.

 

And you know, with less people, you can focus on one on one attention to the great ladies that do show up for you!

 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors