Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2014 - Historic Rosemont Manor
This is going to be semi-long (for me, at least!), so I appreciate anyone who reads the entire thing & offers any sort of help. <br /><br />My wedding has been nothing but drama and fighting with my family and I’m SO sick of it. The current fight is regarding my bachelorette party. I’m getting married on September 27th and I wanted to have my party originally on the weekend of Sept 12th-14th. My FMIL is a wedding photographer and I’m her 2nd shooter. She booked a wedding on the 13th and I agreed to go with her to it. I moved my bachelorette party to the weekend before, September 5-7. My MOH & family are now demanding I move it. <br /><br />My MOH is my older sister and she just got into a PhD program in London, England which will start on September 30th. She’s self-funding and money is really really tight for her. She just found out she got into the program this past Monday and has made plans with her boyfriend (who lives in England) to go over in early August to start apartment hunting. Their goal was to sign a lease in the beginning of September, move in during the 1st week and return to the USA on Monday, Sept. 9th. Needless to say, this overlaps with my bachelorette party that she’s supposed to be planning. I suggested she leave for England a week earlier and come back a week earlier, so she can still make my bachelorette party if we were to have it the weekend of September 5th. She doesn’t want to since September 7th is when all of her friends (she got her masters in England last year) are moving out of their dorms and she wants to grab some of the things she gifted to them instead of throwing out when she moved out last year. I suggested that her boyfriend stay, grab the things from her friends and then join us in the USA a week or so later, but my sister said that he’s terrified to fly and she wants to fly back with him (but he didn’t have any problems flying alone when he came to visit in December…)<br /><br />My parents are now involved and have pretty much told me that I need to move my bachelorette party to the weekend of the 12th so my sister can go, but I can’t do the 12th. They want me to back out on my FMIL (which would cause her to call the bride and cancel, even though the bride has already paid and signed the contract). We’re talking about trying to have it sooner, but part of the problem is that we’re looking at going to the beach and all of the house rentals are SUPER expensive during the summer and none of us can afford to pay the summer prices. The only other weekend available is the weekend before our wedding, but neither my fiance nor I want to have our parties that weekend as we think it will be stressful. We’d like to save that weekend as a weekend to wrap up anything that needs wrapping up before our wedding the next week.<br /><br />I’m not sure what to do about my bachelorette party now or when I should have it. I’m actually not even too sure how to deal with my parents & sister at this point as I think they’re being unreasonable. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 2
I would have your party earlier even if it meant doing something besides going to the beach. I think it’s unreasonable to ask your sister to travel back a week earlier and leave her boyfriend to pick up her things just for your party. I also think it’s unreasonable for your family to want you to back out of the photography job. Just do it earlier when schedules aren’t as crazy, and change the original plan as needed.
Post # 3
So your sister doesn’t come, problem solved. I can’t believe they would suggest making FMIL lose out on income for your sister just refusing to fly a week earlier.
Post # 4
MrsS_to_be: your FMIL can get a different 2nd shooter? or your sister doesn’t go to your bachelorette? Or you don’t go to the beach?
it sounds like money’s tight all around, so maybe a night out on the town during the summer is best.
Post # 5
You don’t have to have every single person on your invite list actually be at your bachelorette party, especially if some of the schedule conflicts have to do with stuff like moving and international flights. Pick the date that works best for you, and be reasonable when people have other obligations. It doesn’t sound like anyone is trying to ditch you out of spite or meanness, and it does sound a bit unrealistic that you’re expecting your sister to change her travel dates and such.
Post # 6
You’re going to have to either have it earlier, have it the weekend before the wedding or not have your sister there… it sucks but I think those are your only options
Post # 7
MrsS_to_be: I agree with PPs. Either move your party to a different spot that is cheaper or have it the weekend before. I think it’s unreasonable to ask your sister to change her plans around especially considering the original plan was to have it on a different weekend.
Post # 8
MrsS_to_be: yeah sometimes you just can’t make everybody happy. do what other people have suggested… either have it when it’s possible for everyone to attend or do it on the booked date and accept that your sis won’t be able to join.
Post # 9
Well, luckily for you, you don’t even really need to have a bachelorette! I agree with PPs that you absolutely cannot back out on your FMIL. And I wouldn’t ask your sister to change her plans about going to London to get her apartment together – I think that’s way more important than a bachelorette.
So I suggest picking a cheaper option that you can do earlier in the summer. Or go the weekend prior to the wedding. Both soudn like good options to me!
Post # 10
Have it the weekend before (you’ll still have all week to do any last minute errands) or have it way before your wedding in August (which to me seems strange, but you do you).
Yes, your sister could have given more consideration to you when making her plans, but she didn’t. It’s unreasonable to ask her to change them if she doesn’t offer to. You also can’t back out on FMIL.
Post # 11
Your MoH is under no obligation to throw you a party. She cleary can’t do it when you want her to; and you can’t do it when she’d be able to. It also sounds like money is tight for her right now, so personally, I’d feel guilty making her spend it on a beach house rental. Either rethink what you want or don’t have one. It’s not the end of the world. Sometimes life steps in and we aren’t able to have the perfect experience we picture in our minds. Does that suck? Yeah, but in the scheme of things, you have to remember the important thing is marrying your partner with your family and friends there to celebrate with you, not a party at the beach.
Post # 12
Technically you don’t plan your own bach or have any say other than ‘busy this weekend, free on this one’. All that really needs to happen is your sister plans around these 2 weekends. You can’t back out on fmil. There’s a contract signed.
Post # 13
And you didn’t tell your family how dare they ask you to leave that other bride in the lurch?
Post # 14
Bachelorette parties are made out to be a bigger deal then they actually are (in my opinion anyway). Like others have mentioned, your MOH is not obligated to throw you a party. That said, nobody is! People who stand with you at the wedding are there to support you and your marriage. It sounds like she will be there with you for the wedding, which is the important thing.
As far as the party, take the bull by the horns and book it earlier if you feel a party is necessary. Make it low key if you have to. But don’t back out on your FMIL, especially for this!