Post # 1
about 4 months left until the wedding and I’m dreading the only one thing…the bachelor’s party! I’m pretty outgoing..and i always encouraged my guy to spend time with his friends, the only problem is I’m super duper conservative and the thought of strippers just doesn’t go down too well! I know its inevitable as his friends wouldn’t want to miss this opportunity to throw him one with strippers and all, i’ve been warned about it because Fiance know how I feel about it. I know he can easily be exposed to it on the net, on tv and movie, but that still doesn’t make it any easy for me to accept.
Am I just being a big baby about all this? I hate to be ask him not to have one, so how do i get comfortable with the idea?
Post # 3
are you a religious person? i ask bc the first thing that comes to mind is to pray.
seriously. do you trust him? talk to him about how you feel. how you honestly feel. and once he’s got that information, then its really in his hands.
you’re not being a baby. this is how you feel and your feeling are valid. at the same time, i would say to try to let go of things out of your control. this is out of your realm of control.
remember that he is choosing to spend his life with you, so he clearly loves you and wants only you.
Post # 4
My guy was the first to get married of his buddies, so I knew that it was going to come up. Fortunately, my guy wasn’t interested in the stereotype and decided to do something else. He and the guys went go-cart racing and out to dinner. There are alternatives to the stereotype and if you go back a ways (Roman empire), they used it as a way to celebrate comrades with feasting and toasting and to reconfirm friendships.
I guess the big question is how does your guy feel about it?
Post # 5
hey Lan! i’d say don’t worry about it. i mean there’s a reason why it’s a bachelor’s party and it’s only one time. let him have fun. above all else, he knows how you feel about the situation and that you trust him not to do anything. feel better k?
ps. i got your vday card!! Thanks so much! it’s lovely! =)
Post # 6
Definitely talk to him about it, and make it clear what you are and are not comfortable with. There’s no reason why you should force yourself to ‘get comfortable with the idea’ of strippers. On the other hand, if you don’t tell him what you don’t want to do, then it’s hard to be upset about it later. Just don’t leave anything (on either side) to be assumed.
Post # 7
No I don’t think so. I think you’re fully entitled to feel that way! And if you’re being a baby – then I am too.
Mr S has told his guys NO STRIPPERS and as upset and ticked as they are (because I guess it’s the only time these guys see naked woman??) they will be doing what he asks.
Mr S finds it disrepectful to me to go out and have another womans tata’s bounced in his face. And though I have a family member in the industry who we love despite her choice of career, he doens’t support the industry and won’t by having them at his stag party.
I never swayed him either way to not do this or to do it, hemade the decision before he knew where I really stood on the topic.
We kinda ended up avoiding the whole thing because we are having our stag and stagette parties the same night as the rehersal dinner all in the same spot. We’re so far past the days of over priced drinks and loud rap music that the clubs and the city didn’t thrill us.
Talk to him, I’m sure he’ll be way more understanding then you think 🙂
Post # 8
Yay Sweeney and Mr. Sweeney! FI and I have also agreed, and he has conveyed to his friend doing the planning, that there will be no strippers. It’s not that I don’t trust him, I just find the whole thing really distasteful, and disrespectful of me. And so does he, but he was thinking somehow that he had to "go along" with his buddies. The thing is, most of his friends really aren’t into that either – and I know they would be in huge trouble with their wives if they did have strippers. After some discussion, we agreed that there’s no reason for him to go along with some bachelor party expectation that in fact we are both against, and know that others involved are also against. In fact, there’s only one guy in his crowd who would push it. I heard (with some relief) last week that after discussions among the guys who really don’t want strippers, they think its just safer not to include the one who would probably hire them even if seriously told not to. So they aren’t inviting him. (He is also the guy who always runs up the $1000 bar tab and then disappears when its time to pay, so no great loss.)
Post # 9
MelBride, you’re very welcome! Yours was way cuter!
Thank you for your support with this difficult question (i hate going into a discussion about this, because I can’t even fight fair with any inteligent responses about it other than that I’m totally against it). See, we tried opening me up to this aspect a few years ago by going to both strip joints together..but it even turned me off even more (i gave them the benefit of the doubt so to speak). Anyways, fiance is neither against it nor for it and my intention was to find a way to get pass this and not make this about me. Its really not a matter of trusting him or not (he’s got good reasoning skills). Anyways, i’ll sleep on this, if it still bothers me, i’ll have an open discussion with him. Thanks for listening and responding. =)
Post # 10
I don’t think you are being a baby about it at all. Personally, I think its disrespectful for a man who is about to get married to be oogling other naked women and getting lap dances. I don’t think you should have to talk yourself into being okay with it. It’s not an issue of trust – it’s an issue of respect and integrity.
I hope you talk to him about how you feel. I think it’s really important.
My husband had a halo party for his bachelor party, as did his brother and a couple of his friends. Another friend had a bowling bachelor party. They all had a fun time at all of the parties. There are a lot of fun options out there like that. I hope everything works out for you.
Post # 11
But see, that’s the thing- you don’t have to have ‘intelligent responses’ for why you aren’t comfortable with strippers. Just the fact that they make you uncomfortable should be reason enough for your FH. If he’s ambivalent about it anyway, then a conversation won’t be a big deal, and it won’t be ‘all about you’. If you’re even slightly concerned about it all, you should talk to him… better now than to be resentful later =)
Post # 12
Strippers… that’s a sticky one. If it makes you upset, that should be reason enough for him to not allow it. My FI and I have discussed having our bachelor(ette) parties together, combined into one event.
Post # 13
Here’s a rational reason for why you might not want strippers:
The whole bachelor party ethos is "you’re never going to have fun with a woman again, so you’ve got to get it all in before the wedding!" That’s insulting to you and your relationship. What more reason do you need?
Post # 14
I’m all for strippers. We’ll probably be having them at each of our bachelor/bachelorette parties.
Post # 15
I don’t particularly care-there’s nothing less sexy than a stripper.
Post # 16
FI and I were just discussing this last night. I have never been a fan of bachelor parties, or strip clubs, but thanks to a lot of long talks, experience, and maturity, I think we’ve come to some sort of mutual understanding. I laid some groundrules to him saying a) the less I know about it/hear about it, the better – unf. I think my imagination with this stuff is the worst part and b) have fun and c) Please keep in mind that I would like you to respect me at all times and respect the 5+ years of our relationship.
I am confident now (after 3 bachelor parties attended and a couple of big fights) that he gets the groundrules and plays by them. From what I’ve heard, a lot of misbehavior is fueled by the single guys – FI said that he made sure he can beat up anyone who’s invited if they start getting crazy! LOL.