- Mrs. Harmony
- 7 years ago
Hi everyone! I wanted to update on my status
This is long. Be prepared!
This can also be an inspiration to waiting bees who are in a situation where they may be “strung along” by their men. I have a success story and I hope some of you will find it helpful to you.
I left my 18 month relationship in March. It was awful. I barely slept for 3 weeks. But at age 32, I could not wait around forever to start over. I wanted to find a wonderful man to spend my time with and although many people think long breaks between relationships are best, I didn’t want to give my ex any more time than I already gave him, so after 3 weeks I signed up with Match dot com.
I had about 3 dates per week. At any given time, I was probably communicating with 3-4 different men. It started getting old after about a month, but I persisted. I met lots of cool people, but just no chemistry. It was getting old, although I knew it was a necessary part of finding the right person.
Subsequently, I got into yoga, friends, running, turned into a raw foodist, and even went to art shows and outdoor concerts alone. I wanted to rediscover myself while I looked for a nice guy.
In May I met someone amazing. We would eat dinner on a picnic blanket and then watch the sunset and then the stars. It was sooooooo romantic and sensual. We talked about everything under the sun. Then he took me out to dinner one night and broke it off. I was too much of a hippie for him and he was afraid he couldn’t give me what I needed which was a simplistic life. Whatever. He wasn’t interested… that was my translation. I walked out to the parking lot, called my sister (who is much younger and engaged) and just cried. Not because I was really into the guy (I was), but because I had been dating people for 2 months and I could just not get it right. I dusted myself off and kept dating.
2 weeks later, my dead Grandfather came to me in a dream and told me that my soul mate was right around the corner. I woke up at 7 AM startled about the dream. And then, no joke… my best male friend texted me at 7:15 and invited me out to a broadway show. He had never done that before. We went, and I saw him much differently. I couldn’t get my Grandpa’s message out of my mind and the timing of my friend’s invite. To his surprise, I kissed him right in Central Park. He kissed me back… like 50 times. We talked the whole way home and thought we should try a relationship. We were close friends for 13 years and saw each other through tough times. I swore he was “it”.
We became inseparable. We talked about stuff that we never talked about before, stuff that was too icky to share with friends. Very vulnerable stuff. Tons of sharing, tons of cuddling. He sang to me. I had no clue he sang. I was rediscovering a guy that was always a great friend.
That lasted all but 9 days. Yes, I had sex with him twice in those 9 days. The best sex ever in my life, up to that point (read below). Then he disappeared. Blocked me on Facebook, blocked my e-mails, refused to return my calls. To say I was devastated is an understatement. My family was devastated for me. My friends were too. Everyone knew we were best buds. To this day I have no clue what happened. This was worse than any possible breakup imaginable. I lost someone right when things became magical, and I also lost a close friend. We haven’t talked since. I cried openly for days, sometimes right in front of my 4 year old. It was awful. I rarely cry after a breakup.
One night, I was feeling sorry for myself. I went on match just to fiddle around. I was paying for the membership, so why not? I got an IM from a guy who simply wasnt’ my type, physically. He was also 4 years younger. Tattoos, shaved head, Jersey shore clothing, gym rat, you get the point, just some random dude I would have normally brushed off. Haha!
He just happened to be in the area that night, like right down the road. I literally went to the bar in my sweatpants to have a quick beer with him. I figured a little human interaction would do me some good.
I got to the bar, and I thought he was nice. I acted like myself. I was completely comfortable from the first minute. It’s easy to be comfortable when you aren’t “looking”. After the drink, he asked if he could take me out on a real date very next day. I was surprised. NO ONE pursues me that way. I am always doing the chasing. I said yes. Date #2 I actually put in some effort into my appearance, and he could not stop staring at me all night. It was different than anything I normally experience. He pursued ME. I was floored. I loved that I didn’t have to chase or wonder this time around!! It was so easy!
He continued to call and ask me out. He would text me “good morning”, fix things with my car, and at the same time allowed me tons of space. The balance was perfect. After 3 weeks he said he wanted to be my boyfriend. He was on Match for 7 months and looking for the right girl!!!
Long story short, it’s been almost 3 months. Yes, very early. But I adore him. This guy is absolutely amazing. The amount of security I get here is beyond anything I could have imagined. He is consistent, attentive, nurturing, predictable and goes out of his way to make sure I am first in his life. Not only that, he has a healthy self esteem. He would not accept any BS from me. He isn’t afraid to disagree with me, nor I him. WE DON’T FIGHT. We disagree, and talk it out. We compromise and negotiate. We prioritize each other. He satisfies me sexually and is willing to help me achieve vaginal orgasms (TMI, I know… but I have never had a man who was interested in doing this. They only say they are disappointed because their exes orgasmed through intercourse. All that ever did was ruin my self esteem). That meant a lot!!!
All I’m saying is that the right man exists for all of us, and if there’s any waiting bees out there who feel that their perfect match is not out there, he is.
In my history, I have been strung along repeatedly, sometimes for years. I also found myself doing all of the pursuing and all of the work. I thought that was normal. It’s not. The right man will make you feel wanted, hands down.
With regards to waiting, I told my Boyfriend or Best Friend that I won’t allow myself to be strung along, and that I definitely want another child someday, and we should want the same things if we are to move forward. He gets it. He practically completed my sentences on the subject! Normally I would never bring this up for at least 2 years out of fear of scaring them away. Not this time. I was concise from the beginning and it turned out fine.
I’m sorry for the long post. But I now realize what a healthy relationship looks like. There’s nothing I can’t tell my Boyfriend or Best Friend, and he cherishes and respects ALL of me.
For the record, I met J 13 days after my Grandpa’s dream! I think J was the person I was supposed to meet, not my friend! I lost a friend, but I gained an amazing man out of it who is also a great friend to me, too.
Thanks for reading!