Back from vacation…no ring :(

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Shut it up or tell him how upset I am?
    Shut it up at least until after 30th birthday next month : (28 votes)
    34 %
    Shut it up as long as it takes : (30 votes)
    36 %
    Tell him I'm upset he didn't propose when he said he would : (25 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee

    @Countant819:  Why can’t you openly talk about it?  

    Being married means you talk about stuff that bothers you, even if it’s uncomfortable or tense.  That’s life.  If something is this big a deal for you (and I don’t blame you at all!  i’d be upset too!), he should know about it.

    I’ve never quite understood this waiting phenomenon – you’re both entering into marriage as equals, ideally, so why should the woman have to “shut it up” and be miserable for weeks/months?  I also don’t buy the whole “he’s a MAN let him do his thing” – it seems kind of patronizing.  

    If he has a ring…why is it not on your finger?  He must have some hard-core insecurities to be waiting this long…maybe not about you but about “The Proposal” in general?  I know a lot of women on these boards seem to hype up the proposal as though it’s the end-all and be-all(not saying you’re one of them), and maybe he’s worried about planning it properly?  

    I would calmly sit down with him and tell him how upset you are over waiting, and stop letting him assume you’re upset over other things.  That’s how it works best once you’re actually married IMO, so why not start now, you know?  

    Good luck regardless!  

    Post # 4
    Member
    8425 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Countant819:  I think you might have to hold your tongue on this one (as difficult as it may be) since you were the one who told him not to propose on the trip.  It’s not his fault that you feel hurt because he took your advice.  Why not just discuss what your future plans are together?  You will have to deal with obstacles far more difficult than this when you’re married, so practicing communication now is probably a good idea.

    Post # 5
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Countant819:  You told him NOT to propose in Mexico and now you’re pouting that he didn’t propose in Mexico! *shakes head sadly* women….

    Post # 6
    Member
    1091 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    @Countant819:  To be honest, I would shut it up for now! If you know that it’s coming, I think that complaining or pressuring him will only delay the proposal or make him second-guess your love for him. It seems to me that guys most want to propose when their SOs are happy and vibrant and excited for the future – not sad or needy or whatever other feelings us waiting bees have to constantly fight against feeling!

    Good luck, I’m sure it will be perfect when it comes!

    Post # 7
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2003

    I think you have somewhat of a right to be upset. It is your life too. But, instead of getting mad that he didnt propose when you think he “should have” is only setting your self up for disappointment.  You need to have a really long talk with him about what you really want and set a self timeline.  If he’s not ready to settle down and you are, well your only option is to make a life change.  I wouldn’t  keep throughing it in his face.  Hard truth, if he wanted to propose he would. keep your head up and don’t wait around forever.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @JLR1982:  +1

    Sorry it didn’t pan out, but you told him not to propose so he listened to you and didn’t.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @DaisyBelle:  +1

    @Countant819:  I think DaisyBelle raises a good point: I think a LOT of guys get this idea that a proposal has to be all glitter and fireworks or we’ll be disappointed, or not have a “good story”, etc.

    BF has my ring (has had it since May) and about a month ago, he was teasing me about proposing and I was teasing back asking what the hold up is. He said something to the effect of “well, I’m still trying to find a photographer you won’t recognize to capture the moment. It’s been harder than I thought it would be.”

    I *had* to stop him there. Why do I need a photographer? He responded that he didnt want me to feel like he wasnt “trying hard enough”, and that he’d seen a lot of guys on FB who hired a photographer.

    It was ridiculous. I definitely let him know that the details are not that important to me, and to just propose when he feels the moment is right. I think it says a lot that he was thinking that hard about it, worrying the proposal wouldn’t be “perfect” and “story-worthy.” Maybe that is why your BF hasnt pulled the trigger yet.

    Another thing to consider is the surprise factor. He *had* to know there was a pretty good chance you would be expecting it on the trip. Perhaps he was hoping to catch you off guard on another occassion.

    Post # 10
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee

    @badabing88:  Wow!  A photographer?!  Crazy.  That’s good you were able to talk to him about it and ease his worries  🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    Sorry your trip didn’t have a proposal attached.  You should be able to talk to your BF about anything, if you are ready to marry each other.  But I think you really stepped in it when you told him how to (or how not to) propose to you.  🙁

    Post # 12
    Member
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @DaisyBelle:  My jaw about hit the ground, as I’ve never once said anything about *spending money on a photographer* to capture a 2 minute long incident.

    I was convinced he had a secret Pinterest account or something, but then he started rattling off all of the friends we have who hired a photographer, and there’s actually quite a few…I think this summer alone 4 of our guy friends did that. It’s kind of insane if you ask me :-p

    Post # 14
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @badabing88:  My fiance had a friend of ours who has a good camera dress up in costume so I wouldn’t recognize him and take photos. It was awesome!

    Post # 16
    Member
    1241 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @badabing88:  I’ve been very very clear with my SO that it’s a private moment between the two of us. I don’t want fancy, I just want to start our lives. I even told him that I could picture us just cuddling on the couch and him proposing. He said it would be a bit more special than that. LOL 

    @Countant819:  I think badabing and Daisybelle are right as well. Men think they have to be at a certain place and it has to be done a certain way, and all the stories of these OTT proposals in the media.. Honestly, you should be able to talk to him, but I think you should be careful with your wording, you did tell him not to take the ring to Mexico. 

     

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