(Closed) Back to back weddings at the same location?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with you.  Why can’t she wait a month?

Post # 4
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yikes. I do see the problem as far as out of towners. Maybe you guys can get together and work out the dates. Im sure they are having the same moment. LEt us know how that all pans out. 

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

And this is for August of this year? As in, about two months from now?

Why even go to the trouble of having two weddings? I know this is probably anathema nowadays, but a few decades ago when siblings (or sometimes cousins) got engaged at about the same time, families often did double weddings. I’m guessing that if you are upset about their wedding falling too close to yours, this wouldn’t appeal to you – but it would solve the problem of losing guests to one event or the other.

Post # 6
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would be a little upset.  I would not want to have to clean up from her wedding so you could set up yours.  Do you know if it your FSIL that is pushing for it to be the weekend before or after or is it your FILs?  You could always have FI talk to them.  He would have to be very diplomatic about it though.  I mean in the end, you really can’t stop them from choosing whatever date that they want.

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s off-the-mark to be upset.  Sometimes we have to give up a little of our ideal wish list in exchange for the “greater good.”  There will be a lot of overlap in the guest list, for sure, and it’s very considerate to take the burden to travelling guests into account when you’re making your plans.  If this were happening in my family and I were a guest instead of a bride, I’d be very grateful to not have to duplicate all those travel costs and to not have to choose between weddings.  Imagine the family drama that could happen if some guest could only afford to travel for one wedding!

Don’t forget that whatever unpleasant scheduling issue you might think of, changing the order of the weddings will have the same impact to her— if you want your wedding first because you don’t want to have to clean up after hers before you can set up for yours, you’re just pushing the identical problem from you back on her.  So it can get very delicate here.  Just remember that her wedding is exactly as important to her as yours is to you, and neither one of you will “win” if it comes down to a proper contest.
 

@KCKnd2:  A double wedding might be the perfect solution for all involved. If my sister/brother or my fi’s sister/brother were also getting married, I’d absolutely love to share my day with them, and if I were paying, I’d be glad for the savings, either as a bride paying from my pocket and being able to go halvsies on things, or as a parent paying for one wedding instead of two.

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Actually I think you are right. It’s quite possible that the sister doesn’t want that kind of wedding. But it  rude for them(the parents) to plan this out of convenience, if there ever one event to go out your way for something it’s a wedding. Since other familys members are speaking out about this it’s clearly more of an incoveniences for other guest and family members. I say sit down with little sister find out what she wants, and perhaps you can bypass this whole thing.

Post # 11
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@squishycupcake:  Yeah, I can understand that. I have one sister with whom, hypothetically speaking, if something like this were to occur, I think we could successfully work out a double wedding that we’d both be happy with – and then there’s my other sister. 🙂 We love each other dearly, but no way would we be able to reconcile our extremely different tastes and preferences.

This sounds like a tough situation. If anything, though, it’s probably going to be tougher on FSIL than on you, since it sounds like you are on the ball with your invitations, etc., and probably have the rest of your planning underway, whereas she is going to be scrambling for the next couple of months.

The best you can do is to try to roll with it. It’s unfortunate, but you don’t really get a say in when anyone else gets married, relative to your own wedding. I hope your whole family can find ways to cooperate on this and come up with the best possible solutions for everyone.

Post # 12
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know we only get one day, and I’ve tried to be a pretty laid-back bride, but this would probably send me over the edge.  Will the couple who marries first even be able to attend the other’s wedding, or will they be on their honeymoon?

Post # 14
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@squishycupcake:  Well, at least there’s that.  I still wouldn’t like the back-to-back weekend idea, although that would make it a little easier to swallow.  Here’s hoping your FSIL decides that a fall wedding would be just beautiful!

Post # 15
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

OP apart from the cleaning up aspect, what are some of the things that bother you about the back-to-back wedding weekend ideas?  It sounds like FMIL has put a very legitimate reason together when the idea first came up—- convenience and cost to the overlapping guest list.  It’s just common courtesy as a host(ess) to try and be considerate of your guests, not just to ensure the best/biggest/happiest turnout but just out of being nice.  If it saves folks from buying an extra plane ticket or driving a few hundred miles twice, then it’s worth considering in my book.

The cleanup can easily be addressed by hiring a cleaning crew, and depending on whree you are, this may be cheaper than you think.  So that is one problem solved.

For setup, I’d imagine there is not a lot of overlap in the bridal parties so each bride could plan her own thing with her own “helpers” but again, a hired crew may be a relatively simple solution.

What are the other problems?  I’m sure some of it comes down to the “stealing my thunder” theme we often see on this site but surely the fact that it won’t be an identical guest list (and therefore “dedicated thunder” from at least some of the guests) along with a little selflessness could work through this one.

What else is there that bothers you about the idea?

Post # 16
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Imagine the money you could save though if you did a double wedding….WOW!

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