(Closed) Backing out of being a bridesmaid?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@minniegirl9097:  For me personally, I would rather one of my girls come to the wedding only and miss a shower/bachelorette if it meant she would still be at the wedding.  Opinions vary, but I feel the only bridesmaid “duties” are buying a dress and showing up the day of.  If your friend has already tried to offer you an out, she may feel differently.  You need to let her know that your situation has changed, and if she still wants you to be part of the wedding you can but not any pre wedding events.  If she feels it is necessary for a bridesmaid to attend pre wedding events she may be ok with you stepping down.

Post # 4
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@minniegirl9097:  Talk to her about it. Be honest, but don’t tell her you won’t yet. If you are planning on going for her wedding anyway … I mean, she chose you for a reason (even if it is sucky that you cannot be there for so many things). If you are good enough friends that you are in her wedding party then you should be able to tell her your situation. Unless you do not want to be in her wedding anymore (which is a different situation than just feeling badly because you aren’t able to partake in everything).

Post # 5
7774 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@pixiecat:  I agree. In my opinion, only a bridezilla would expect a bridesmaid to travel interstate for a one-off party like a bachelorette or bridal shower. One of my sister’s BMs was interstate and my sister would have been horrified if she dropped out because she couldn’t come for pre-wedding events. All she wanted was her friend there for the wedding.

So talk to the bride: “Is it ok if I only come for the rehearsal and wedding, or would you rather I dropped out?” Then let her decide.

Post # 6
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@pixiecat:  +1


I have 2 bms that are from the East Coast and many others who aren’t very well off (really none of us are but some are better off than others) so my expectations are that they wear the dress I want and come the day of.

I’m sure if you explain to her your financial situation and that you won’t be able to attend the pre-wedding stuff, she’ll understand. Most brides ask their friends to be BMs because they love them and want them to have a special place in their wedding. I’m sure that the shower and bachelorette are much less important than you being in the wedding.

Post # 7
5200 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@minniegirl9097:  being a bridesmaid when you can’t afford it sucks. It really does. There’s no shame in backing out, but let her know as soon as possible so she can make other plans. It’s not your wedding and therefore not your responsibility. If she is your friend I’m sure she’ll understand. 

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