Post # 1
My friend asked me to be a member of her bridal party last summer, over a year before her wedding, which is this October. I, of course, said yes because we have been friends for years and I want to share in this experience. But now, I am afraid that I can’t afford it, or really be a part of the process besides being there on the big day.
I am moving out of state in a month to live with family, and will be working two jobs all summer so I can afford my own place before I start school in the fall. The bride and I have hardly talked in the past few months, and have not seen eachother since January. I will not be able to afford the trips for the shower and bachelorette party, so I am already bailing on my duties there. And, I will only be able to come for the day of the rehearsal and the day of the wedding because of work and school.
The bride has offered me an out a couple of times, but I didn’t want to take it. (Maybe she also regrets asking me, and was trying to be nice about it?) Now that I realize that my situation might be more than I can handle financially, and that I won’t really be a part of the process other than just coming to the wedding, I wish I would have taken the out.
I read this article on the Glamour website:
…but I want the “real” opinions and advice of people.
I really do feel horrible that I’m even thinking of backing out after making the commitment. I would take the advice of the article and offer to help out with something.
How do I quit without hurting or losing my friend?
Post # 3
@minniegirl9097: For me personally, I would rather one of my girls come to the wedding only and miss a shower/bachelorette if it meant she would still be at the wedding. Opinions vary, but I feel the only bridesmaid “duties” are buying a dress and showing up the day of. If your friend has already tried to offer you an out, she may feel differently. You need to let her know that your situation has changed, and if she still wants you to be part of the wedding you can but not any pre wedding events. If she feels it is necessary for a bridesmaid to attend pre wedding events she may be ok with you stepping down.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@minniegirl9097: Talk to her about it. Be honest, but don’t tell her you won’t yet. If you are planning on going for her wedding anyway … I mean, she chose you for a reason (even if it is sucky that you cannot be there for so many things). If you are good enough friends that you are in her wedding party then you should be able to tell her your situation. Unless you do not want to be in her wedding anymore (which is a different situation than just feeling badly because you aren’t able to partake in everything).
Post # 5
@pixiecat: I agree. In my opinion, only a bridezilla would expect a bridesmaid to travel interstate for a one-off party like a bachelorette or bridal shower. One of my sister’s BMs was interstate and my sister would have been horrified if she dropped out because she couldn’t come for pre-wedding events. All she wanted was her friend there for the wedding.
So talk to the bride: “Is it ok if I only come for the rehearsal and wedding, or would you rather I dropped out?” Then let her decide.
Post # 6
I have 2 bms that are from the East Coast and many others who aren’t very well off (really none of us are but some are better off than others) so my expectations are that they wear the dress I want and come the day of.
I’m sure if you explain to her your financial situation and that you won’t be able to attend the pre-wedding stuff, she’ll understand. Most brides ask their friends to be BMs because they love them and want them to have a special place in their wedding. I’m sure that the shower and bachelorette are much less important than you being in the wedding.
Post # 7
@minniegirl9097: being a bridesmaid when you can’t afford it sucks. It really does. There’s no shame in backing out, but let her know as soon as possible so she can make other plans. It’s not your wedding and therefore not your responsibility. If she is your friend I’m sure she’ll understand.