Post # 1
I’m really leaning towards not inviting my uncles and their wives. My uncles waited until I was not by FI’s side and then berated him, saying nasty things like “I heard the wedding was in NY (they’re in OH) because you don’t want us there.” And their wives have been equally vocal about our choice of wedding location. Despite explaining literally twenty times that FI’s MOTHER IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THEM, they’re still pissed as f*ck.
At this point, I’m at my wits’ end. Every time I see the uncles and their wives, I am interrogated about the cost of hotels, location, etc. Everyone traveled to my cousins’ weddings, albeit not as far. But it’s 9 months out and they have ample opportunity to save. We’ve given them suggestions on how to cut costs, such as carpooling and sharing a hotel room. They’re not happy with that, they simply want us to move our entire wedding to suit their needs.
From day 1, FI and I always said that if we got married, it would be in NY. It was never a question for us and that wasn’t a secret from my family. But because of their complete wickedness regarding the location, I’m really tempted to not waste a stamp.
Have any bees not invited family? Did you face any backlash?
I’m really struggling with how to deal with this. I’m not close to these uncles but they feel as though they are close to me. I have a feeling the backlash would be horrendous and pretty much the end of any contact I have with those relatives. But having them as guests after the very hateful words they’ve spoken to and about FI and I… Not something I want to do.
Post # 3
Oh, I am feeling ya. I have an aunt, uncle, and sister that I would totally be happy not to invite, but I am sure that all hell would break loose. My aunt and uncle I could get by with, but I really would do anything not to have my sister there. She is just the biggest PITA I have ever known.
Post # 4
As awful as they sound, I think you should still invite them. You’ll have plenty of other people there who will want to support you on your wedding day, and you just have to go and spend your time with them. It’s probably not worth the blowup if you don’t invite your aunts and uncles. I will hope, however, that they decide it’s too expensive and decide not to go!
Post # 5
It sounds like they’re bitching and moaning, but it also sounds like they’re still planning to attend – which means they want to be there for you when you get married.
I would still invite them, but I would make it very clear that you’ll understand completely if they can’t make it – if it is genuinely a financial hardship for them, they shouldn’t feel obligated to attend.
Post # 6
We had a really similar situation with DH uncles and aunts. His mother was behind a lot of it, but his entire family was annoyed that we were getting married in our state and that they would have to travel in if they wanted to attend, they weren’t the only ones having to travel either, but they thought they were the only ones who mattered, we researched and found the cheapest hotels and it still wasn’t good enough. They ended up saying they were coming but when invites went out none of them sent back the RSVP’s, so we had to chase them and all said and done they said it was too far, all 8 of them live all over the place too ( whatever) but it didn’t stop one of the uncles from driving 7 hours to just show up unannouced with his children to our RD . Some people are just crazy and want to start problems. I say just go and invite them and ignore their BS, because all said and done, if they are having such an issue about it now then they probably won’t come, and that will be a blessing for you. I would also stop trying to help them with their travel if they are going to be ungrateful and catty towards you and your FI.
Post # 7
they’re family, so you should still invite them. just ignore whatever they say about the wedding, and ask your mom or someone to field all of their questions. if travelling to NY is as much a problem as they’re letting on, they won’t go. it sounds like they just want to complain though, so try to pass them on to someone else to listen to it!
Post # 8
@youhavemyheart:I am considering a destination wedding because I do not want 2 of my uncles to come. Both of them are broke, abuse alcohol and they would complain about how lavish my lifestyle is and how I should do more for them (we are not rich, I consider myself middle class-upper middle class). So, to avoid hearing their stupid comments I will have a wedding full of friends and family that are suppotive and normal. I would advise you to do what makes you happy. If they are full of complaints and drama, leave them at the house! You won’t regret it.
Post # 9
Seriously, they’re not entitled to any bending from you. If it’s too far for them to travel, then they can stay home. Period. I think you should invite them, but if they complain again after being invited just tell them you’re not discussing it anymore and leave the room.
Post # 10
I did not invite one of my cousins because he is back with his crazy ex-wife. She has caused all kinds of problems in the family in the past and no one could believe that he was taking her back. I explained to my Aunt that her and her other 3 children would be invited but due to past issues I wasn’t inviting my other cousin. It was no biggie.
Now I also didn’t invite one of my Aunts. I invited her ex-husband, my Uncle, because we are much closer, needless to say, there was some backlash and some negative FB chatter between family members. I however just stuck to the thought process that it was my day and I wanted the people that I loved the most there with me. It’s all good now and it blew over quickly.
Post # 11
I agree with other bees in that if you’ve already talked to them about the wedding, send out an invite and see what the RSVPs are.
However, I would be frank and upfront with them the next time they start this line of snarky questioning, telling them that x is the location for xyz reasons, there’s no negotiation on it, and if it’s too much of a burden then you’re sure to miss them at the wedding. They’re adults, they should grow up. My father’s not invited to my wedding. I’ve emailed a few of his sisters/brothers letting them know that I’d like them there, but if it’s too awkward of a situation for them (not being able to share the details with him as he is NOT to show up with one of them) then I entirely understand them not coming. Put the ball in their court and then they can make their decision and live with it.