Backup MOH?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ouch, that must sting.

The problem is she hasn’t been honest with you. I’d have another talk to her, explaining how hurt you are and how she wasn’t honest with you. I’d explain that while you didn’t do it so everyone would see nice things about you, it stung how you weren’t thanked appropriately and the ex-MOH was thanked for work you did.

If there is a rehearsal dinner, there is still time for her to thank you properly before the wedding. Hopefully as a friend of 20 years she’ll do the right thing. Even though it stings, I wouldn’t drop out over this if she does apologise and thank you properly.

Post # 3
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

That is really heinous, selfish behavior by the bride. The old MOH isn’t much better if she is laughing along and taking credit that she isn’t due. Do you love this girl enough to turn the other cheek and stand up for her as MOH or BM the day of the wedding? Honestly, this girl would have to be like family to me and I would need a sincere apology for the callous remarks to consider participating in role other than “guest”.

Post # 5
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

BeezWaxx:  Yikes, sounds like this bride could use a little bit more empathy and grace!  I’m sorry that happened to you.  Sounds like you’ve done everything you can to be an excellent friend.

That said, I’d probably just let it go.  The whole awkward situation was instigated by the previous MOH who is probably feeling a little jealous & insecure (or is just not socially aware).  Why the bride didn’t clear things up when you went to see her I cannot say…

Post # 6
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

BeezWaxx:  holy crap…first of all, there’s no MOH ‘duties’.  There is nothing anyone has to do beyond show up at the wedding sober in the chosen dress.  Period.  End of story.

A MOH is the person who is CLOSEST to the bride, not the one who is able to do the most work on her behalf.

Basically, all your title means is ‘subsititue slave’.  If I were you, I’d be terribly hurt by what’s happened because her asking you to be the new ‘MOH’ was not an honour at all – it was a veiled attempt (whether she realizes it or not) to get you to do things for her because it made you feel special.

I’m sorry that you’re ‘friend’ has made you feel this way and put you in this position.

Post # 7
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, as I was reading I thought, “she’s just using her!” and then you said it yourself! That is so rude. Weddings bring out the best and worst in people, and the bride and groom are sometimes amongst the worst! At this point, I wouldn’t say anything more about it, not offer or overextend yourself anymore than you already have, and just wait and see what she says to you after the wedding. She may (hopefully) realize she was being an ass and apologize, and thank you. If not, just know that you did what you felt was right in your heart, and keep that in mind when it’s time to pick your bridesmaids.

Post # 9
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

BeezWaxx:  Well done for refusing! I suggest you refuse to do anything more except be at the rehearsal and wedding. Whether that’s because you “have a date”, or you’d rather be more upfront and say you won’t do it without a proper apology, is up to you.

Post # 10
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

BeezWaxx:  Ugh. After reading your update I would just drop out of the wedding. She shouldn’t treat you like a placeholder. 

Post # 11
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

BeezWaxx: that is fucked up. Good on you for standing your ground. I chose all of my bridal party for my special, personal relationship to them. I do not expect any of them to do more than is comfortable because life is too short for drama and resentment. 

I’m sorry to say that your friend the bride was tactless by calling you the filler moh. cliche, but don’t make anyone a priority who considers you an option. 

Post # 12
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

BeezWaxx:  I would say drop out like others have suggested, but I know if it was me, I couldn’t do it. But good for you for not being her errand girl. Keep that up! And I would think long and hard about asking her to be part of your wedding party. 

Post # 13
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Wow, that girl is a bitch. There’s no way I’d ask her to be in my wedding, and I’d consider dropping out of hers as well. 

1. She used you for party planning

2. She belittled you publicly

3. She dismissed your concerns and “demoted” you so she could have her “real” MOH stand up

4. She called you “dramatic” (very passive aggressive)

5. She STILL is trying to use you as an errand boy

This girl does not sound like a friend at all, but only you know if she’s worth all of this. 

Post # 14
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

What a b! So glad you said no.

Post # 15
Member
992 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

BeezWaxx:  Wow my blood is boiling for you! I’m so sorry she used you like that. Really though all the things you are helping her with sound like things she should be doing picking up stuff for her and all.

Good for you for standing up an not being her gofor and getting all the other girls dresses!  Hopefully she’ll show som real appreciation for all you’ve done for her.

Enjoy planning your wedding! 

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