- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
Well hello my lovely bee friends! Happy spring time; as I write this it is pouring rain and I’m am ready to pour with it.
Let me start by saying out relationship is all good. Everything that is discouraging me and stalling me is life related, but not because of or, for the most part a strain on, our actual relationship.
I am just so friggin bummed about life, I can’t get a grip. Here’s what happened:
I graduated in 2007, didn’t know what I wanted, worked retail until last year when I made the leap and went back to school.
Without getting into the gnitty gritty, the jist is that I’m done school now, (for like, a week today) have been employed in the field since December and totally have decided that this is not what I want to do.
So I’m kinda locked in for now, due to the nature of the working relationship and everything is messy and ugly and I am just miffed, mostly with myself for getting myself into this.
We got engaged in October and did some little stuff while I was still in school and planned to hammer out the details once I was done (plan is for June 2015 wedding) and now I’m done and just So… Blah. About everything from eating to sleeping, let alone managing the gumption to muster up the courage to plan a wedding.
I just feel behind, discouraged, unmotivated and generally like I have a lot of repairing and soul searching to do. Just when I thought I was settling down and figuring things out, well, I’m not.
This is precisely why I took a one year program and I’m thankful for that but still, its a lot of time and $ down the drain and I’m basically back at square one.
I guess I just thought that right now I’d be feeling accomplished and proud and ready and instead, I’m just not sure of anything. I’m sure I want to get married of course but I don’t know how to get into that in my current state of mind.
Im in a funk, I know there’s a light somewhere at the end but right now, I feel shitty about life.
I guess I just need some moral support and to get it off my chest. I have talked with FI about it at length and he is 100% supportive of me figuring out what I’m made for. He’s getting a new job in 2 weeks that will afford us much more freedom and he is willing to help me figure it out so it’s not going to suck foreveR. But right now, I’m still there and I’m still a little miserable.
pick me up?