- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2005
From this hysterical tumblr: http://thatbadadvice.tumblr.com/
“3. So my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half, and are very happy together. Not deliriously happy, or infatuated, but the kind of happy where we’ve been through a lot of stuff and been there for each other at difficult times in both our lives. We have the kind of deep, deep bond that only comes around once in a lifetime. He’s respectful, super smart, funny, adorable, and basically everything I could want. We have discussed marriage in a very concrete, real sense, and I’m excited about spending my life with this guy. The problem is, I’m 19 and he’s 20. We are both still in school (we are in the same year at the same school), and won’t graduate for two more years. We plan on getting engaged at the end of next year, and being married the summer after our senior year. My parents, however, although they absolutely love him, are skeptical that I can know right now that he is really “the one,” and that in my girlish puppy love I’m deluding myself into making a hasty decision I’ll regret later in life (it’s worth noting that my mom was engaged in college, but broke it off and later met my dad in grad school). My friends, too, my lovely intellectual feminist friends, are kind of judging me for being excited at the prospect of “settling down” so quickly.
I fully plan on waiting at least 10 years to have kids, though, and don’t think being married will really affect me having a career — my boyfriend and I are both extremely driven and ambitious. It’s not really a question of whether I should marry this guy, but as a married person, do you think I should wait until we are a bit more together and have more support, or should we get married when we can? It just seems silly to wait when we know we’ll be married eventually. On the other hand, though, if we’ll be together forever, what’s the rush? (Note: His parents were married very early, so he’s totally fine with marrying young and his parents are behind us. Both our sets of parents are in totally awesome marriages). I know what I want, and there are no red flags, considering every angle. We’ve talked about money, about our future, and everything. We will be financially secure (at least as far as anyone can tell), because his father is a very successful businessman and my boyfriend is following in the family business, and I’m on track to have a good job as well. This is not a “hasty” decision by any means, and there isn’t much uncertainty at all as to my future being compromised. That being the case, it kind of rubs me the wrong way when everyone assumes we are entering into this immaturely because we are so young. So, two part question: what are your thoughts on getting married young, and if you support it, do you have any tips to deal with cynics?
I’m not sure why anyone would think you’re immaturely entering into marriage when you’ve already talked about “everything” and decided your life with your boyfriend is going to be awesome forever so you must necessarily get married at the earliest possible moment at which you think your parents will approve of your decision.
While 99.999999 percent of Western 19-year-olds are in a period of formative transition looking at a future wherein the only certainty is change, your psychic ability to predict nothing but the best possible future for yourself and your once-in-a-lifetime prince charming demonstrates your maturity and prescience.
You’ll get engaged next year (literally nothing could prevent this from happening), and then you’ll get married the year after that (literally nothing could prevent this from happening) and your new husband will be financially secure (since your fiance’s father is a “very successful business man,” obviously, successful people never fail and neither do their sons who inherit the family business, which remains inevitably robust through all economies forever) and you will be financially secure (you’re “on track to have a good job,” so things will be awesome, I haven’t heard anything about a sketchy job market these days) and you’ll wait 10 years to have kids (after which you will find yourself immediately fertile with no problems conceiving!). Financial security and babies are basically the only two things that matter in a long-term relationship.
Everything’s coming up you guys! Many, many great marriages are built on baseless assumptions and wishful thinking. Mazel tov!”