(Closed) Bad Bad Waiting Day

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

have you guys sat down and talked about a time line? I prob would start looking for a new place. If you guys are not on the same page then what is the point of being together. SOmetimes it takes for you to gone before they realize what they are missing.

Im sorry your going throught this. Sending you lots of ((((HUGS))))

Post # 5
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Scottish_lassie:  So let me get this straight, he bought a ring but didn’t give it to you?

Ugh. I get that pushing a guy doesn’t lead to good results, but this is kinda ridiculous. He must be really immature if he got you a ring just to shut you up. Sigh.

I’m inclined to tell you to move on and find a guy who is the marrying type. This sounds like my ex… wishy washy, afraid to commit, immature, etc.

I’d stay w. him for another year tops. If he doesn’t know 3 yrs in whether he wants to marry you or not, you should find someone who does know.

*hugs*

Post # 6
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Scottish_lassie:  You poor thing. You must be so disappointed. This sucks. A lot. Especially since it seems he doesn’t consider spending the rest of his life with you (amazing, wonderful YOU) to be “fun.”

I don’t know your relationship or either of you personally, so please only take my advice if it makes sense to you. If you really love this guy and want to stay with him, do Mr. Bee’s Backup Plan. Go get that job! Start looking at places of your own! Once you have gotten over your shock and hurt, really look at your relationship and figure out if it will fulfill you. Perhaps once he sees that you won’t be around forever, life without you won’t look so fun. HOWEVER, if it seems like he wants you just so he can live his same old life (i.e. playing house, buying a ring to shut you up) then it’s time to leave. Then it’s time to find someone who knows what he has when he has it!

Post # 9
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Scottish_lassie:  IS he the marrying type, though? He can’t seem to pull the trigger. I just think that it’s best to be w. someone who KNOWS they want to be with you, and who shows it.

I agree with the previous poster – get your life together and then see how he fits. This shouldn’t be all about him.

Post # 10
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m so sorry this is happening to you! I’ve read many of your PP’s and I have a suggestion that might help get your head together. Go back and read your posts about waiting from beginning to end. See if you can notice an overall theme of him stringing you along little by little through those posts.

I obviously don’t know you, but from my reading it does sound like he comes up with every reason under the sun to delay it and he’s told you in every possible way that engagement isn’t what he wants. When a guy wants to get married to you, it’s not this hard. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think reading your old posts may help you reflect on your relationship and notice some things you missed before.

Good luck.

 

Post # 13
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Scottish_lassie:  YES! There are men like that out there. Love yourself enough to realize that you do deserve all of that and you shouldn’t settle for less.

Post # 14
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry you are going through this. You need to get a place of your own and start focusing on yourself. At this point you are wasting your time because your SO doesn’t seem to want to grow up. I was in a similar situation myself and I ended the relationship because he wanted to party and he promised me he would propose one day and I couldn’t take it anymore because I knew deep down he was too immature. And it was so hard to leave him because he was all I had known for so long, but a year later I (re)met the most incredible man in the whole universe and we both knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I know it looks terrible right now, but you will find someone who will love you fully and completely and if anything moving out will give your SO a reality check.

My advice is to just one day when he is at work move everything out so he is completely shocked and tell him it is because you didn’t want to pressure him into marriage and obviously he has a lot of growing up to do and to not call until that has happened. He will be begging for you eventurally. You just have to be strong and actually move forward with your life. No turning back on your word. He isn’t worth fighting for, but you are. So let him fight for you.

Post # 16
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Aww sorry to hear this!  I’m going through the same thing right now, after 5 1/2 years!  He says he wants to marry, but doesn’t know when, and cannot set a timeline or talk about goals with me.  Otherwise we are SO compatible.  I know what I want and deserve…and I told him a while ago if we don’t progress and cannot talk about the future, I won’t be re-signing the lease with him in February.  I think you know what you want and what you need to do in your heart.  No one else can tell you how to work on your relationship, but keep your lines of communication open!  My SO & I are talking and trying to work through things right now, it’s not easy!

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