(Closed) Bad BM – update and help please! So confused an under pressure.

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hmm.. can you cancel her part of the res and let her book it herself if she wants to come? That’s honestly how I would handle it. Put the ball in her court with no financial loss to yourself. OR give her a real deadline: Give MOH the $ by Friday or we are cancleing your portion. I used the deadline trick to get my ladies to order their dresses and it totally worked.

Post # 5
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would honestly ask her to step down, Just because youve known her since you were 4 doesnt excuse the way she is treating you and the other girls. It’s just wrong. If it’s a money thing she should have the decency to tell you that and not be rude and inconsiderate to you and the others. I’m sorry!

Post # 6
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think a real deadline is the best thing you can do…just leave a voicemail saying we have waited long enough for your contribution and if you havent paid by ” ” then we are going to go without you. If she does not pay…no one should pay for her…she should just not go. I know you have to shell out the money…do you know any other girls that would maybe be able to pay and fill her shoes? as for her to step down as a bridesmaid…thats tricky…just go on your trip…have fun and see how the waters are when you come back. if she is still being horrible then ask her to step down….

Post # 9
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

everybody in the bridal party doesn’t have to attend and do everything. sure, it’d be nice, but if one party doesn’t have the money, putting a deadline on it won’t change things.

Post # 10
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know, I’m so sorry!! And I’m sorry if I came of harsh but I’ve dealt with something like this and so has another one of my BMs and it’s just not worth it and not right. It’s funny how people show these sides of themselves when there’s a wedding involved and for me and my BM, it was the girls’ true colors and it really does hurt to lose a close friend. But they don’t deserve to be a BM on one of the biggest days of your life and stand up there with you while you take your vows. You’ve tried to mend things and make it right but she’s just not even meeting you half way and she’s treating your other BMs not very nice so you may just have to let her go as a BM and realize that you may lose her as a friend in doing so.

I’m really sorry *hugs*

Post # 11
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Since you’re going to have to eat the cost anyway, why not see if someone who can’t afford it, but can get the time off wants to go. That way it doesn’t go to waste and it will be a nice gift/vacation for another girl. Maybe your mom or an aunt or something could go instead? I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this friend. Maybe let her know that you understand if her finances don’t allow her to go, but it would have been nice if you could have found out sooner so you could cancel her portion and not incur the costs.

Post # 13
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

Since your bad BM has a history of this kind of behavior, despite the good friend that you’ve been to her it’s doubtful that she’d ever change at all…. even if it was for your wedding. Do not doubt your intuition… if you feel like enough is enough with this friend then cut the cord. Your life will be much happier because of it. πŸ™‚ You will still have other BM’s there to support you, you’ll be just fine.

Post # 14
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

If there is any possible way to replace her, I would. If there isn’t I would still drop her. Sorry you are having to go through this.

Post # 15
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m sorry to hear about this. I think you should ask her to step down. It’s one thing to not have the money to go, quite another to be evasive and not return your calls. I love Toffee’s idea of using it as a gift for another loved one who’d enjoy being there.

Post # 16
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

oh how horrible!  sorry to hear this!  honestly it seems as though there is nothing you can do about the money situation, and you may never see the money from her.  i probably wouldnt even give her the satisfaction of asking her to step down (almost sounds like thats what she wants!)  but go on your trip w/out another word or email to her, and when you get back, continue w/planning with your girls, but i wouldn’t extend anymore emails or phone calls to her.  IF she ever does call you after this point, and question her part in the wedding, i would simply say “oh well when you never returned any calls or pay for your trip, we assumed you did not want to participate anymore.”  i mean what else are you supposed to think?!  any friend who really really wanted to be there for you or even just take part in the party, but had some horrible money problem, should still explain the situation to you and make a plan to pay you back w/in the year, or something like that.  but she owes you a response at the very least.  good luck and keep us posted!

The topic ‘Bad BM – update and help please! So confused an under pressure.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors