(Closed) Bad Bridesmaid?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

you can feel terrible but you can also take the job. I’d have to take the job I really would. Selfish ass might I be? Yes, but I need to take care of myself first.

Post # 4
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t think that she could expect you pass up this opportunity, although she would probablly be hurt.

Post # 5
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Given the circumstances, I would understand (if I were your friend).  If you’ve already gotten a BM dress, maybe offer it to her so she can use it for the replacement BM.

Post # 6
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@vmec: I wouldn’t call it selfish, since YOUR life has to come first.  (unless you’re engaged, then it’s BOTH your lives first…)


@ameliajs: you’re giving her four months advance notice.  She’ll have time to find someone else (if she wants) and has a good reason to give the person.  

Is it possible she’s just upset that you won’t be able to come, not because you won’t be a bridesmaid?  I’d be upset if a friend wasn’t able to come to my wedding due to a job, but I’d be thrilled they were offered such an awesome job!  

Sorry you can’t go to the wedding, but enjoy your job!!!!

Post # 7
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You cannot turn down a job offer just to remain a bridesmaid!  Step down, she’ll understand.


Post # 8
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I could see her being upset after initially finding out, but I think after a day or two she will realize that this isn’t an opportunity you can pass up.  Also, it’s not like you are backing out 2 weeks before, 4 months still gives enough time to come up with a back up plan.  Good Luck with your new job and living in Europe!

Post # 9
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t be upset. You have to take the job. I would be sad that you can’t come to the wedding but I would understand. 🙂 

Post # 10
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That is a great opportunity and you shouldn’t pass it up for ONE day!  I’m sure she’ll be upset but if she’s sane she’ll get over it and be happy for you.

Post # 11
275 posts
Helper bee

If it was my firend, I would be bummed that they would not be there, but I would be super happy for them to have such a great opportunity! She’ll understand.

Post # 12
35 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s understandable that you feel bad, but this is an amazing career opportunity! I think it’s expected that your friend/bride will be upset that you can’t be in her wedding, and probably also upset that you’re moving to another continent! 

I think you’re giving her plenty of notice…it’s not like you are just backing out with a lame reason.

Post # 14
5894 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If she was a realy friend, she would be happy for you and your great opportunity. But she is allowed to feel- sad, disappointed, upset- that you won’t be there and that she might have to find another BM. If she starts to complain about not being able to find someone because of money issues, I might offer to pay for half the dress. I would also buy a kick ass gift.

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