Post # 1
I’m trying to be a good bride. i really am. I am letting my girls pick their own dresses – this means they can make their own budget and they won’t have to pay for alterations. The only thing I’m asking them to buy is matching shoes. They are $98.The wedding is 5 months away and the shoes are from JCrew, not some specialty store, which gives them plenty of time to get them.
Tonight I got an e-mail from one of my bridesmaids saying she can’t afford to buy $98 shoes, period. No alternate suggestions, just, I can’t afford these. Sorry.
So am I being unreasonable, or is she? Is $98 a ton to spend on shoes? I don’t really know what to do here. Thanks for any advice you have.
Post # 3
I personally only own 1 pair of shoes that were that much. I think that unless it is a shoe that they can really truely use again and again, its fair for some gawking. Is there a way to help with the cost for this bridesmaid?
Post # 4
Yeah, $98 is a lot for shoes. I mean, I’d probably pay that much for shoes, but I love shoes. I can see how, if she’s not a shoe-holic she might think that was too much. What shoes are they? Post a pic. I need shoe porn.
Post # 5
Is there another alternative for the shoes? I am a shoe fantatic and would pay whatever for the “right” shoes, but I can see how in these times spending $98 for shoes might be tight…maybe see if she can find shoes that are like those but less expensive…is there another piece of their outfit that could match? jewelry? a flower?
Post # 6
i think that is a lot to spend on shoes, personally. especially if your bridesmaids have to buy a dress and the shoes. i guess i understand your point though that most brides require girls to spend $150 to $200 on a dress alone, so why can’t she just buy the shoes and a cheap dress. i know that one of my friends is going to have an issue with paying for a $180 dress that all the rest of the bridesmaids have no problem spending, so i’m thinking that i might give her $50 towards the dress and just give her an inexpensive bridesmaid gift. is that something you might be able to do?
Post # 7
I’m another shoe freak, $98 isn’t a problem for me to spend at all. BUT, that’s on shoes that I love, shoes I’ve chosen. She may just not like the shoe and she knows she won’t wear them again. In that case, it is a lot to ask for her or the others to spend. If I were a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I’d do it. But not everyone can be that accomodating. I do feel that she should of discussed some alternatives with you though. Maybe you can talk to her again and see what happens.
Post # 8
I have trouble contemplating spending $50 on a pair of shoes, let alone $98 on a pair I know I’d never wear again. Especially when money is tight. But If I were a Bridesmaid or Best Man I’d find a way.
Post # 9
$98 for shoes, $ for a dress, $ for shower, bachlorette and wedding gift, it all adds up quick. Can you find a cute alternative shoe on the cheap or offer some cash to help out? I personally think it’s too much to ask of them in this economy.
Post # 10
$99 is how much mine are paying for their dresses! I think it’s a bit steep for shoes, honestly. I’m going to try to find shoes in the $30-$50 range.
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Post # 11
I would probably have a problem buying shoes for $98, especially if they werent my tastes or didnt fit me properly I dont think unmatching shoes would be that noticeable maybe just give them parameters…. I found my wedding shoes online for $32.
Post # 12
Sorry but i think $98 is alot of money for shoes. Maybe she doesnt have the money. Couldnt she get a pair that look that those.
Post # 13
I would pay that much for shoes that I wanted, but I think that $98 is a lot for bridesmaid shoes. I know that my BMs are not shoe addicts like I am and they shop at payless so I couldn’t require them to spend that much on shoes.
Post # 14
Well, it doesn’t matter what we think, because your friend told you it was too much. It probably took a lot for her to tell you that.
I think your only options are to choose new shoes or help her pay for hers.
Post # 15
Well that all happened rather quickly, but she quit. Which is really what the complaint about the shoes was about. So I guess the point is moot anyway.
Post # 16
I think you need to look at this from their perspective. For me, $98 is a drop in the bucket compared to what I pay for shoes, but I can afford it. Both Fiance and I are older, have advanced degrees and have lucrative careers. Did I spend $700 on Louboutins when I was first out of school in an entry level job, no way! I didn’t even know what Louboutins were then and I even used to go to Costco for the free food when I had no money for food since I spent it all going out with my friends.
My point is, $98 for shoes can be a lot to someone. Even if your Bridesmaid or Best Man is in a good financial position (or so you think), you NEVER know what else is going on in their lives. You really don’t. If $98 is too much for her to spend then you have two choices: 1). Buy them for her or 2). Ask her to wear a pair that look similar in a similar color.
Wrecking a friendship over a pair of shoes isn’t worth it, but I have seen this kind of thing tear friends apart during wedding planning with the bridal party as sad as that is.