Bad fight or something much worse?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

Annonnie89:  WOW. Just Wow. The mere fact that he has made up allegations about you being suicidal is unbelieveable. You don’t go around saying that about your partner when it is untrue. It’s a lie and it’s hurtful. I also despise when people make me look crazy and unstable. People talk, “word” gets out/things are spread, reputations can be tarnished. Your partner should not be airing the laundry for everyone else to see/hear.

There is so much going on in this scenario. We are not in the midst of your relationship, only you know whether this is one to continue on with. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP, but you’re the one who will have to figure out what you want out of life and a relationship and take control to make sure YOU are happy. I’m a firm believer with going with your gut and communicating with your partner on all ends.

I could go on and on and talk about many things within your post, but there will be other Bees to hit upon other aspect. Best of Luck to you. Wishing you all the courage and strength.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  DumpTruck100.
Post # 3
Member
3402 posts
Sugar bee

Annonnie89:  Sounds very off, and it sounds like he was grasping.  I don’t get why he would contact Sara.  I would mention this to him and see what his reaction is to it.  Maybe he thought since Sara was married she would understand more?  

Post # 4
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Backyard

If you have doubts this serious, then he’s probably given you a pretty good reason to doubt him. There is no such thing as a good relationship without trust. And if you’ve come to ask on here, then you obviously don’t feel comfortable confronting him about it. My honest opinion? I see HUGE warning signs. And you’re obviously concerned about his behaviour. We can all give you advice until the cows come home, but we don’t know your situation. You need to decide if this is a one off thing that you can talk about with him and move past, or if it is part of a pattern. 

Post # 5
Member
2679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Trust your gut, if something seems off, it is. And to me, this seems very off.

Post # 6
Member
6883 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Annonnie89:  this is very controlling and abusive. Revealing personal,things to strangers or work colleagues or enemies etc is a tactic of abusers. saying you are suicidal is a way to poison the well so no one will take you seriously. 

of course, your man could be the exception. But raging on you in public doesn’t lead me to lean toward exception. 

Your gut is yelling you something. Listen. 

Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I agree, the fact that all these red flags are poping up should tell you something. There are so many aspects of this situation that are not okay… He’s crossed the line to many times, and I think you should tell him exactly that. Trust me, you don’t need it. Dont waste your time with someone like that. He needs to grow up. hope you’re okay xo

Post # 8
Member
677 posts
Busy bee

he violated your trust, disrespected you and the relationship, and called you a c–. I am truly sorry you are experiencing that but I am horrified to think you might still marry him. This is not a good relationship.

Post # 9
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Why don’t you just ask him why he told Sara that and why he had her number? 

It’s faintly possible that if you were all out drinking that he was quite drunk, and that he felt terrible about the argument and reached out to the only female friend of yours who’s number he had, and projected him feeling terrible onto you.. or misinterpreted your behaviour (not answering the phone) to mean that there was something really wrong. 

Regarding telling your friends about your sex life and calling you names.. well, it depends what exactly he was telling them. I know some people who are very open about their sex lives with their closest girl/guy friends, so he may not have felt like it was a big problem. Then he might have felt very embarassed in front of his friends when you started yelling, and the c-word ”just came out” and he instantly regretted it. 

Obviously none of us know you or him so we can’t make assumptions about your relationship, so I’m just suggesting a point of view.

In any case I would just ask him about the Sara thing and decide where to go from there depending on his answer.

Post # 10
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

This is very strange behaviour and a huge red flag to me. Please ask him why on earth he did this!

Post # 11
Member
6883 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

amanda3334455:  how does the c word just come out by accident and why would anyone want to marry a man who did this in public no less? Did she call him a dickless wonder who can’t get it up? Nope. that didn’t come out by accident when she heard him discussing their sex life. so what is his excuse? 

These low bar standards where a partner is forgiven for humiliating their mate in public are concerning. Self respect matters. 

Post # 12
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

The “C” word doesn’t “just come out.” The “C” word is one of the most chauvinist words a person can use and it is rarely used lightly. 

And then “My fiance knew that I didn’t particularly like her.” — If that’s true about Sara, why on earth would he call her to tell her you are suicidal if not to publicly shame you for walking out on him?

I could be wrong, but I have to agree with the previous posters and say that he sounds like a potential emotional abuser. Not DEFINITELY, but it sounds like he could be. Be sure to listen to your gut on this, and not just the part of your gut that tells you he’s the man you love.

Post # 13
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, being called a cunt by a guy who is SUPPOSED to love and respect me is a line I won’t cross.

Hearing him talk about our sex life to another?  Yet another no-no.

His involving an almost random woman with a lie about me?  Good by Charlie.

I’d tell him not to let the door hit ihim in the ass as he left.

 

Post # 14
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m pretty forgiving, but I would leave this guy forever. It’s one thing to have to work through your struggles privately, but to make you the target of gossip like that… no. I would move on, unfriend, block, whatever it took to get rid of him, and remember that living well is the best revenge.

Post # 15
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

Uh, that is all kinds of cray cray. He doesn’t exactly sound like a keeper.

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