(Closed) Bad form? Hand Delivering Invites (sort of long, sorry!)

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Hand Delivering at the Shower
    Bad Form - no matter where you are...put it in the mail and quit being cheap : (23 votes)
    17 %
    Bad Form - but only b/c it is at the shower : (14 votes)
    10 %
    Sounds Fine - do it subtly and only for family : (15 votes)
    11 %
    Sounds Fine - I don't get the problem at all : (43 votes)
    31 %
    Overall - I wou think the wedding is a little less formal if I got hand delivered invites at a party : (24 votes)
    18 %
    Overall - I think it makes the custom invites seem even more personal : (18 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I don’t really care for invites being hand-delivered. Fiance wanted to do that for some of his co-workers and I was like, “No, invitations are supposed to be mailed!”

    I think you’re also cheating yourself out of part of the process. An invitation arriving in the mail is an excitement builder during the wedding process. People will call/text/email and be excited they received your invitation. It creates a little more formality to receive it in the mail, and in my experience (I have a friend that handed them out and emailed them), people take a mailed invitation more seriously (and the RSVP that goes along with it).

    How much is it going to save you to hand-deliver them? I wouldn’t do it, personally. ESPECIALLY with formal invites. I do think it cheapens them.

    Post # 4
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I think you should really do the math to find out how much you would really be saving if you did this. I don’t know how many people you plan to hand deliver them to, but I can’t imagine it saving you much more than 20 or 30 bucks. Maybe your invitations are super heavy and require more postage, but still, I don’t know if it would be worth it to me to risk people thinking it was in bad taste. I know a lot of people would frown upon this, so I just wouldn’t risk it if I were you. Hand delivering an invitation, especially at a shower, just says to me as a guest “I didn’t want to spend the postage on your invitation, so here.”

    Post # 5
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @09bmlaw:  I personally would mail them over hand-delivering them. Especially if you took a lot of time and money to design them. People love getting a beautiful wedding invitation in the mail! 🙂 And it would make it more formal to mail them than to hand-deliver! 🙂 Just a thought. The thought crossed my mind with my FI’s family because I see them frequently but I think it would be better to mail them because they would enjoy getting a pretty invite in the mail! 🙂 

    Post # 6
    7653 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I didn’t even hand deliver my parents’ invitation but that is just me.

    If you really wanted to hand deliver them I wouldn’t do it at your shower. First, that is your day to enjoy, and yes, I think it would cheapen the invitation. Plus you are suppose to be interacting with guests, playing games, eating, etc not really doing wedding work.

    I think with how elegant they sounds you should send them out. IMO.

    Post # 7
    524 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

    I hand delivered invitations to my immediate family and my FI’s immediate family. We were seeing his family right after Christmas and I knew his mom and sister were really excited to see the invitations.

    Post # 9
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I wouldn’t think twice if I received an invite by hand. Just like you said, “we just got them and I’m too excited to wait!”

    Post # 10
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m hand-delivering as many as possible! Our invites are little books with spines and I worry about them getting crushed in the mail. On top of that postage is expensive and I’ve had more excited reactions from friends (hello big hugs!!!) when giving them out in person. I mailed and hand-delivered the Save-The-Date Cards and the hand-delivered ones were far more fun.

    It’s not cheap to hand-deliver them, it’s actually putting in a little bit more effort. And frankly, in these shitty economic times anything that saves a bit of money is a good thing!

    Post # 11
    924 posts
    Busy bee

    I’ve never seen the point in mailing invites and risking them getting lost in the post when you can just hand deliver them.  The money doesn’t even come into it for me, I just want to know that my invites arrived safely at their destination, and the only way for me to know that for sure is if I hand them out personally!

    Post # 12
    3574 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think they should be mailed… it’s not a first grade party. 

    Post # 13
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I don’t give one crap the etiquette regarding envelopes/invitations in general. As long as you aren’t doing something rude, it’s all fine with me. Hand delivering stuff is totally fine and perfectly logical from my point of view. 

    Post # 15
    141 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I thought I remembered this question coming up last year sometime – a Bee had asked the same question and I thought I remembered one of the others Bees that is somewhat known for being an expert at etiquette said that this is actually the best form of etiquette when delivering invitations.  At least that’s how I think I remembered it – it’s one of those things that stuck with me, like how it’s actually traditionally proper etiquette to respond to invitations on your own stationary, not with an RSVP card.  

    Regardless, I don’t think it matters.  For me, personally, I think it would make it seem more personal, but it looks ike that isn’t the popular opinion :3

    Post # 16
    3947 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m very  much on the side that invitations need to go through the mail.  I would be pretty off-put if someone handed one to me instead of receieving it in the mail.  But I’m also a big stickler on etiquette.

    Also, you are running a risk of people losing the invitations.  When invitations are delivered to someone’s front door, there’s not many places it can go.  But when someone gets it in person, it can be left/lost at the hand off location, left or lost in the car, dropped on the way into the house, etc.

    People will also be more quick to fill out the RSVP after opening it for the first time.  When someone gets it at a party and open it up they think, “Oh, I’ll do this when I get home.”  When odds are, they’ll get home and put it somewhere to fill out later.

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