Disappointed

posted 3 years ago in Travel
Post # 3
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MrMrsSmith:  I understand that you are disappointed but an invitation is not a summons. You can’t make her attend, and you shouldn’t make her feel bad about not being able to attend. We have to accept RSVPs graciously, even if we don’t like the respose. Everyone has different priorities for their time and money and maybe going away for the weekend is her priroity right now. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you or your wedding, it’s just not her top priority (and that’s understandable).

Post # 5
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrMrsSmith:  I would not ditch a friend just because they would rather have a vacation with friends than miss it and attend an engagement party. Where I live, engagement parties are not a big thing anyway.

 

I had some cousins not attend my actual WEDDING because they were going on vacation, even though I 90% sure they received my invitation well before the vacation plans! That really hurt, to be honest.

 

I would give her another chance.

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MrMrsSmith:  Of course you are entitled to how you feel, and I agree it’s a crappy thing to do. I wouldn’t do that to my friends, and I’d hope they wouldn’t to me. The beach is quite a hike from where I live so it would be a weekend for me. If you live right next to it, I guess the novelty has probably worn off.

I do agree with you, I just think everyone is entitled to choose how they want to spend their time and I don’t necessarily think they should be questioned about it. If her actions are showing you that the friendship isn’t worth much to her, then at least you found out now before asking her to be a BM.

Post # 7
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I generally agree that you can’t make people come to your stuff and should try not to take offense if they can’t make it. However, I think your friend was raggedy for agreeing to attend your engagement party (if she did, in fact, agree…from your backstory it just sounds kinda like you informed her of the event and expected that she’d show up without her saying yay or nay definitively) and then decide that something else sounded more interesting and change her mind. Why does it matter whether she agreed to go in the first place? Just because she knew about your event doesn’t mean she EVER planned to attend. Or perhaps she was thinking of it in an “I’ll go if and only if I can’t find anything better to do” kinda way. Either way, I understand your disappointment and I think you learned a pretty low-stakes lesson which was: this girl has a strong propensity for disappointing you/hurting your feelings and she would therefore not be a good choice for a BM.

Post # 10
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

ummmm…who’s jumping your *ss? 

Post # 11
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MrMrsSmith:  …so you got better dealed for a day at the beach….if I had to pick between an engagement party and a day of sun, fun and cabana service from some swarthy man in a barley there bathing suit named Paolo….I’d be punking out too….just don’t let it get to you, you’re still going to have a blast, some great toasts and all kinds fun anyway!

Post # 13
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That sucks she isn’t going to be there.  Even though I love weddings and showers, I hate engagement parties, and have only gone to one that I have been invited to for a close friend.  All the others I have skipped.  Some people do not like them.

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